I usually don’t post twice in one day, but I need the support today! This is not the update I hoped I’d be writing.
For those of you who don’t want to read the long post, here’s the summary. I got two positive betas, but on Wednesday my 3rd beta stayed the same. No increase, and it stayed low at 21. I’ll most likely miscarry.
Here’s the full story: Last Friday, we had our first beta. My RE holds the results until the 2nd beta. So on Sunday, we went for the second draw and before he even took the blood, he told me the first beta was positive. It was low (HCG of 8), but he said I was “definitely pregnant.” I burst into tears and the RE had a hard time drawing my blood because I was so emotional.
About an hour later, they called us back and told us that their blood machine (I don’t know what it’s really called) had stopped working right after we left, so they couldn’t process the blood. We ended up going to the local hospital and having the draw repeated there. Two hours later they called us back with the good news that the beta had increased to 21.
We were ecstatic. My husband picked me up and twirled me around in the RE’s parking lot. We called our parents, our siblings, and I called my best friend. My husband called a bunch of his friends. He ran up and down the street fist pumping the air. I took Monday off of work to let it sink in. I downloaded baby apps for my phone. I let myself walk through the baby section at Target. I pinned stuff to a Pinterest pregnancy board. I even took a home pregnancy test just so I could see that elusive second line!
On Tuesday morning, I started to feel a bit nauseated. I was thrilled because I thought it was the beginning of morning sickness. Our appointment for the third beta was at 12:15, and we felt very confident going in. I went back to work to wait for the results and made the HUGE mistake of Googling beta numbers.
This is when I realized my results were very low compared to others. I began to get a very bad feeling and was almost sick to my stomach waiting for the phone call. A teacher stopped by my desk to talk to me, and of course, my cell phone rang. I excused myself and ran outside to take the call. I could tell by the nurse’s voice that it was bad news.
My beta numbers had not increased. They were exactly the same. She said this usually indicates that my numbers will start to go down and that a miscarriage is imminent.
I went back to my desk where the teacher was still waiting for me. I have no idea what she said to me. When she finally left I called my husband and went home.
My husband had already been home and when I got there, the floor fan we had in our living room was in pieces. Apparently he kicked it over and broke it in anger. We were both devastated.
The worst part was calling our parents. My mom cried. My dad cried. That was horrible. I’ve only seen my dad cry one other time.
I had pre-scheduled all of my blog posts this week, and when I realized that today was the Compost post, I was keenly aware of the irony. I do believe this has a purpose, but I have no idea what that could be right now. This is a new low for us.