Intended Parents & Surrogacy: Questions to Ask

Today’s post is a guest post from Carol Duckworth, Information Systems Manager from Center for Surrogate Parenting, Inc. She writes about some questions intended parents need to answer for themselves as they navigate the surrogacy process.


We know that surrogacy is the only way for some parents to have a baby, but that’s not why it has become popular. Through surrogacy, parents like you can finally realize their dream and have a baby of their own. However, we know that choosing surrogacy can present many emotional challenges for you. For example, you may feel uncertain about your relationship with the surrogate. Plus, there is the added challenge of telling your friends and family members about your decision to choose surrogacy when you announce that someone else is pregnant with your child.

Your Relationship with the Surrogate

Many intended parents are concerned about the relationship they’ll have with the surrogate mother. Will you be required to keep in touch with her after the baby is born? How much information will she share with you about the pregnancy? This may be different for each surrogate and intended parent. 

What will it feel like to watch someone else carry your baby? The answer is also different for every intended parent. Most likely, you’ll go through a wide range of emotions. It may be that you’ll want to be near the surrogate mother every day just to feel close to your baby. You may also have moments where you’re upset with the surrogate mother for various reason. Even though you’re not carrying a child, you can still be on an emotional roller coaster during the pregnancy.

How to Announce Your Pregnancy

Expecting parents are bound to be excited to share the good news with their loved ones. But how do you announce a surrogate pregnancy to your family and friends? It may be difficult to bring up the subject, especially if you have dealt with years of infertility. You may also be worried about negative reactions from the people who mean the most to you.

I don’t have an easy answer for you, but we strongly suggest letting the important people in your life know what’s going to happen. After all, you’re going to be a parent, and your baby is going to be part of your family. Most of them will probably rejoice for you when they see how much this means to you and some of them may have a lot of questions about how the surrogacy process works.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have already been through this process.  What surrogacy questions would you recommend that intended parents ask themselves?  How did you answer these questions during your own surrogacy process?  Please share your thoughts in the comments below.