Coming to Terms With IVF {Ask Me Anything}

This post is part of the Ask Me Anything” series. I answer reader-submitted questions about our experience with infertility and IVF.

Coming to Terms With IVF

A reader asks, “Were you and your husband always open to the idea of IVF? Or did you have to come to terms with the decision?”

My husband never really had an issue with IVF.   However, I definitely had to come to terms with it on several levels:

I was hesitant to do IVF at first because I’d heard a lot of misinformation about the procedure. I consider myself to be pro-life and I was very concerned about the moral and ethical implications of IVF. I didn’t completely understand how IVF worked, and I was under the impression that you had to destroy embryos in order to do it. Once I realized that was not true, I became more open to the idea. 

I still had a lot of concerns about whether or not IVF was “playing God.” However, after a lot of prayer and counsel, I decided that God is the ultimate author of life. We can inject a sperm into an egg, but we can’t actually force it to fertilize. And even once it does, we can’t force it to implant and grow. Only God creates life. As my RE later told me, “Science can only bring us so far. In the end, it’s up to God.”

Once I got past the spiritual issues, I had to wrap my head around the emotional issues. I was scared to inject myself. I was scared to spend the money without a guarantee. I was scared of the side-effects. I was scared of the emotional work I’d have to do if IVF didn’t work.  Basically, I was scared.  But despite that fear, we had a sense of peace about pursuing IVF and God provided the funds, so it came down to just taking a leap of faith.

What are your thoughts on coming to term with IVF? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

***Looking for more tips on surviving IVF?  Check out my Preparing for IVF eCourse.***

Image courtesy of Boss Fight. m

  • Jenn

    My husband (who is a pastor) had a hard time with any medical intervention because he felt like he was playing God. He ended up talking to the Bishop of our church body about this and came to similar conclusions.

    Right now I fall into the scared to take a leap of faith boat (if needed).
    Jenn

    • Yeah, it’s definitely hard to be standing on that boat trying to summon up the courage to take that leap! If it’s any encouragement, I always say that the anticipation of IVF is scarier than actually doing it. Hugs.

  • Abbey

    Thank you so much for your post, Lisa. I have struggled a great deal with this idea that IVF was “playing God” and yet I have seen God open up many doors for us to pursue IVF. Through a great deal of prayer my husband and I decided to pursue IVF, trusting God to walk with us through or out of the IVF process. I have just now come to realize that it takes just as much trust in God to go through this process. There are so many huddles, medication lows and ‘what if’s’ I find at God’s mercy at every blood draw, US and procedure. A constant reminder of the limitations of science.

  • Melanie Redd

    Thanks for sharing your heart and your thoughts on IVF, Lisa! I don’t know that I’ve ever really taken the time to determine my convictions on this topic, but I do see how there might be some discussion and debate.

    The idea of the needles sounds a little scary as well~

    Don’t you love knowing that in the end – God is the one Who gives life! I pray He will bless you with a precious little bundle very soon! I love reading the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel – how God heard her cries for a baby and answered her prayers. Praying He will answer yours!!

    Came over on Faith Filled Friday, and I’m glad to find your post. I also Tweeted your tweet and followed you on Twitter.

    Hope you have a blessed weekend~
    Melanie

  • I can’t imagine and never really know what to say but it must be hard to come to terms with it. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  • I have been on quite a hiatus from blogs…reading and writing. I’m not really sure why. I have missed reading your blog, though. I’m going all the way back to here and reading forward. It will take me a while, but I don’t want to miss anything. I hope you’re enjoying motherhood. I’ll email you very soon. Love you, sweet friend!

  • Amanda Jeffries

    The hardest part I’m having with starting IVF is letting go of the fact that I’ll never be able to conceive naturally. I’m in the age bracket where infertility is least common, and unexpected. I’m watching siblings, cousins, and friends I’ve grown up with start having their own children. I feel angry that I don’t get to experience what they do: a positive pregnancy test in the privacy of their homes, and a pleasant surprise. It’s been four months since we’ve seen our IVF nurse coordinator, and she’s still waiting for the call that I’ve started my period so I can start my meds. I can’t bring myself to do it because I feel like I haven’t finished grieving the loss of conceiving naturally. At first when we were faced with the reality that IVF was the only way, I was afraid about playing God, giving my self shots, and the financial aspect. Over time, I’ve learned so much and have come to terms with all these areas. It’s the grieving I have yet to finish.

    • Your grief is totally valid, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I experienced something similar myself. We’ll never know what it’s like to conceive spontaneously and to experience that surprise and joy, and that is definitely a loss. I wish you well as you wait for your time to start IVF.

    • Lindsay Eilerman

      Thanks for putting words to it. I’m in the grieving stage too. Its seems unfair that at only 23, this is the only way for me to get pregnant.. I’ve always dreamed of that positive pregnancy test, and I’ve come up with dozens of ways to surprise my husband with the news… It seems unfair that I’ll never get that.