When You and Your Spouse Don’t Agree About Infertility Treatments {Guest Post}

Today’s post is a guest post from Roxanne.  You can read more about her infertility story here.  


Several years into our infertility journey I went through laparoscopic surgery and my husband and I went through 3 rounds of IUI’s, all of which were unsuccessful. We thought at that point that our journey was going to end there. We had discussed IVF but at that time we did not feel as though that would be a road that we wanted to go down. Apparently God had a different plan.

About 3 years ago my husband changed jobs. One day he came home and said that he received his benefit package that day. He seemed a little excited and I wondered what the big deal was. He told me that as he was reading through it he noticed that this new insurance would cover a portion of fertility treatments. It would basically be a one-shot deal for us to try a round of IVF.

When he first told me about the coverage I didn’t have any immediate excitement or reaction like he had apparently had. My response was, “Well, that’s good, but I thought we had already decided that IVF was not something that we wanted to do.” I asked him if this coverage had changed his mind and if he now wanted to consider it. He said yes. He said his only concern is how the procedure would affect me both physically and emotionally.

I told him I would have to think about it because I wasn’t sure what I thought now. 

I was very apprehensive because I didn’t know if I wanted to do IVF and I didn’t know if I could emotionally go through all of that again.  I wasn’t sure how I would react if it didn’t work. Could I handle another disappointment? I just wasn’t sure.

I felt like I was at peace with where we were in our journey. I felt like I had come to terms with not having children and we were enjoying life together. I was not prepared for what appeared to be a curve ball from God right now.

My husband was very gracious and gave me time to process the information and pray about it without pressuring me. It is so very important that no matter what part of your infertility journey you are on that you and your spouse are in unity as to how to proceed. The enemy will use any means possible to try to cause division in your marriage and infertility can certainly be enough pressure to tear some apart. It is imperative that you and your spouse pray and ask God to protect your marriage and allow you and your spouse to remain in unity in all decisions to be made. Pray together and ask God for guidance and direction.

I knew that if I told my husband that I was ready he would be ready to go full force into whatever was next. I must admit that when I started praying about it, it was more of a prayer of,  “Are you really sure about this, God? I don’t know that I really want to do this, but I see that my husband is excited. If this is something that you want us to do you are going to have to change my heart and bring me to a place of peace about this.”

I didn’t immediately get on board with the idea, but God began to gradually cause my heart to change and my mind to be open to the possibility. After many conversations with God I decided it wouldn’t hurt to at least go for a consultation. I made the appointment and the process began from there.

I am thankful for my husband’s love and patience during times of decision making in our lives. I understand that may not be the way it is in your marriage. Being in unity does not mean that one person says we are doing this and that is it. Being in unity is making sure that both are comfortable with the decision by taking into account how they feel emotionally, physically and spiritually. If there is not unity, you do not proceed until there is.

I pray for you that God will be the center of your marriage and that as you both continue to seek after Him he will cause you to be gentle, loving, understanding, compassionate and humble with one another.

Take some time today to reflect on the love chapter (1 Corinthains 13).

roxanne-2Roxanne has been married for 20 years and understands all too well this difficult road of infertility. Roxanne has gone through surgery, 3 failed IUI’s and a failed IVF. Through it all, Roxanne has experienced God’s amazing grace and has been healed from the pain of infertility. Her desire is to see other women healed from the grief and pain of infertility physically, mentally and spiritually and to see them walk in the destiny that God has planned for them. Roxanne would be honored to walk alongside you on your own infertility journey. You can find encouragement through her blog or prayer support on her website. Grace Filled Waiting.

If you’re looking for more encouragement during infertility, be sure to check out my book, 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility.

Image courtesy of Pixabay.