Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

I’ve never had a positive pregnancy test.  As difficult as that has been to go through, I can’t image the pain of women who conceive yet suffer loss due to a miscarriage or infant death.

Today, and every October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  It is a day of remembrance made official in 2006 by Congress.

You can honor the memory of miscarried and lost babies by lighting a candle at 7pm (local time) and keep it burning for one hour.

To read more about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, you can visit

BFN #20


Today’s beta confirmed BFN #20.  I realize some of you may have way more than 20, and I just can’t imagine.

This cycle was a canceled IUI cycle, so I knew that just trying it on our own meant our odds were low.  I didn’t respond well enough to Clomid for us to feel like the IUI would have provided an advantage.  I did get a trigger shot and took Estrace and progesterone.

Yesterday, I took a HPT and wasn’t surprised when it showed a negative.  Not surprised, but still frustrated and sad.

One of the most frustrating parts is that I’ve taken a HPT the day before my beta during each treatment cycle.  So each time I go in for my beta, I already know I’m not pregnant.

I know, I know, there’s a chance the HPT might not show an early pregnancy. But my doctor requires it because of the possibility that the HPT wasn’t sensitive enough.  Plus, I would never forgive myself if I stopped my meds based on a negative HPT only to find out later on that a beta would’ve been positive. But it costs me $130 each time I have my blood drawn, so each beta is just salt in the wound.

Fortunately, I’m on vacation from work this week, so I have the time and space to process things this cycle.

Do you get a beta even if a HPT shows a negative?


Canceled Cycles & Star Trek


Before I get too far into this post, I want to give a special hello to anyone who found my blog by reading the guest post I wrote today for the Where the *Bleep* is our Stork? blog.  I was so honored that Teresa allowed me to write a guest post, and I’m grateful that you took the time to click through and read my own blog.

I went to the RE today for my Day 10 ultrasound to see how well this round of Clomid worked. Despite an increase dosage, Clomid was not my friend this month and I only had one mature follie.  We’ve had 3 failed IUIs with 2-3 mature follies each.  Our insurance isn’t paying a penny of our treatment, so we opted to cancel the cycle since the odds weren’t that great and it would save us about $1,000.

My RE was willing to do the IUI if I wanted to (after all, it only takes one follie, right?), but I just didn’t feel the cost would be worth it when you factor in the lower odds.  My appointment was at 10am and I ended up taking the rest of the day off from work.  I was sad and disappointed, and I knew trying to work would be a waste of my energy and company time.

When I got home I turned on Netflix and decided to watch Star Trek:Enterprise.  (I’m a nerd, I know).  I’ve been re-watching the entire series, and wouldn’t you know that today I just happened to be on the episode that revolves around an alien character whose sole purpose in life is to reproduce.  Sigh….