At what point does TTC become an obsession?
This is something that my husband and I have been wrestling with lately.
We both say that we want a child more than we want anything else in this earthly life. He says that he doesn’t want a child just because of his own desires, but he wants a child because he knows how bad I want it too.
As Christians, we seek to desire Christ more than anything else. Putting anyone or anything ahead of him is idolatry. But we also recognize that God has given the human race a deep, innate desire to be parents. We don’t believe that the desire for children is unhealthy in itself.
But at what point do all the treatments, tears, money, and anguish turn into something unhealthy?
I don’t know about you, but I think about having a child all day. When I wake up in the morning, I’m immediately aware of what cycle day it is. And I often wake up with a sense of loss and that something (someone- my child) is missing from my life.
I think about it at work. I think about it in church. I think about it all the time.
Part of me thinks this is natural given the circumstances I find myself in. Not thinking about it would be a form of denial.
But sometimes I feel like it’s taking over my life, my thoughts, and my emotions, and I wonder if I’m slipping into the area of idolatry.
Obviously, my concerns are influenced by my faith. But even if I wasn’t religious, I think I’d be worried as to whether or not it was becoming unhealthy.
I have no answers today. Just questions.
P.S. Are you looking for encouragement during infertility? Download my free 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility prayer calendar.
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I agree with you, we should put our hope in the Lord, not in the circumstances. Not in the latest pregnancy test. Not in the latest news from the doctor. Not in our hormone levels etc etc. I think the minute our hope is put in the circumstances, then it shows we are idolizing those things. I do believe that God uses doctors and medicine, but it is His power used through the doctor, not the doctor that brings the healing. Follow where the Lord is leading you, if He has given you a peace about procedures, etc, then that is awesome, but it might be about waiting on Him in a different method (for us, it’s doing NOTHING).
It’s very easy to become obsessed. I think that as long as you can center yourself, think about other things, remind yourself of your other blessings, it isn’t unhealthy. I’m sure it would eventually come to a point where you’d need to reevaluate things, but for now, I think it’s only natural, your life is pretty consumed with it sometimes!
Thank you both for your encouraging words. This journey has definitely brought up more questions than answers so far, and I really appreciate the support.
Hi from ICLW! I agree that it is very easy to become obsessed. All of us have been there! Even when you read the stories of the barren women in the Bible- they were obsessed too! Sarah was so desperate she had her husband lie with another woman just to become a mother. Rachel traded Leah a night with her husband for Reuben’s mandrakes- which she believed would help her get pregnant. I could go on and on with each barren woman of the Bible! I’m thankful our Lord saw fit to put each of those stories in His word! It always reminded me that I was not alone in my feelings. You’re right, God did put the desire to have children in your heart, and he understands how badly you want a child. In Proverbs 30:15-16, it says very plainly 4 things are never satisfied, the grave, the barren womb, the earth that is not filled with eater, and fire. I know how hard it is to be going through infertility, but just know that Jesus will be there through it all. I will be praying for you and your husband. God Bless you!
Thank you, Jessica! I soo appreciate the prayers! And I’m glad you’re part of ICLW, too. This is my first month and I love it.
Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog! Happy ICLW! You definitely bring up some good points. I feel guilty by how much I think about having a baby. It is an issue I struggle with daily, trying to put God first. Praying for both of for a child from the Lord 🙂
Thanks for the prayers, Risa. And happy ICLW to you, too!
Happy ICLW. I have to keep a calendar at my house and in my office where every day I write what cycle day it is. This, I’m positive, is obsessive. I’m not sure why but I feel totally out of control if I can’t remember what cycle day it is and right now I’m not even allowed to TTC until my next cycle. It’s hard to want something so much and have absolutely no control over it. ESP bc it can feel like everyone around you gets pregnant so easily. I have been trying to pray for guidance and patience rather than just praying I will get pregnant.
Yes, it’s so tough to want something I can’t control! I think that praying for guidance and patience in addition to a pregnancy is a beautiful thing to pray.
Infertility does often take over your life, thoughts and emotions. It is totally normal and ok. Hugs!
Thanks for the encouraging words, PNG!
Hi from ICLW! I used to have dreams where I dreamt so clearly, and so vividly, that I had a baby that I would wake up and genuinely believe I had a child. The devastation as I realized I didn’t have a child, and that dream – that was so clear I could actually smell the baby – was just that…a dream. That was when I knew I was too obsessed…it was taking away my ability to function and to enjoy life.
It’s such a tough thing, it really is. I hope you find some peace in your journey, and know that God has a plan, and sometimes we just have to be patient and have faith.
Good luck and positive thoughts!!
Ugh, I have had those kinds of dreams, too. I hate them and I love them. Thanks for the encouragement!
I was obsessed to the point of feeling mentally unstable at one point, due to all the meds and stress….It can really mess with you…xxxx’s
http://ttcaftertr.blogspot.com/
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Megz. I’m looking forward to following your journey on your blog, too! 🙂
It’s amazing how much loss you can feel over something that you never actually had at all. Several years ago my husband and I had registered to be foster/adoptive parents and were going thru fertility treatments. When our funds finally ran out, I focused on trying to adopt, but my desire to be a mother consumed every aspect of my life and was stealing my joy. One day I came across this saying:
God has three answers-
1. No.
2. Not yet.
3. I have something better planned for you.
I finally came to realize that God really does know best and any plans he has for me that could fill the void of childlessness must be pretty amazing. I went to see a therapist who suggested that I write a list of positive aspects of remaining childless. It was the best advice I’ve ever received. I began to see our predicament in a whole new light. It has drawn my husband and I closer than ever and lead us to discover new dreams for our future together. I know in my heart that I will always have the longing to be a mother but that list helps to ease the pain a bit when the grief creeps in. If God’s answer was not yet and by some miracle we should conceive I would be overjoyed, but trying to find some good in our current state has given me my life back.