For the first post in the “On the Journey With…” series, I interviewed Kasey from Stupid Broken Eggs. I’m so honored that she allowed me to share her story.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself
My name is Kasey I am 28. My husband is Rob and he is 38. We were married in 2010 and have been together since 2007. We both work in emergency medical services. I am a 911 dispatcher and an EMT at my local rescue squad. My husband is a paramedic. We live in South Jersey right outside of Atlantic City. We enjoy traveling- especially to Disney World, laughing and cooking. I love to write and to read. My husband has the biggest heart of anyone I know and is a huge support for me. We are close with both of our families and can’t wait to have a family of our own.
Q. How long have you been actively TTC?
We have been actively TTC for just over 3 years now. In October of 2010 I had my tonsils removed and I went off of birth control prior to my surgery. I decided to never go back on it and we decided to try to conceive. In May 2011 we got “serious” about TTC and started with OPKs, temping and charting. We went on a diet and became active hoping to help our fertility. In In September of 2011 I returned to my ob/gyn and told him we were not pregnant after TTC for almost a year. I was told to continue to work towards losing weight. It was that year that I dealt with an abnormal Pap smear which led to a year of dealing with testing and abnormal cell growth. We were scared that I have cervical cancer and it was one of the most terrifying parts of our journey so far. In September of 2012 I returned to the ob/gyn and we were still not pregnant, but we were cleared from the scare with cervical cancer. My pap smear came back normal and we were given the clear to start additional fertility testing. We started at the RE in January of 2013. We have since had 6 medicated IUI’s and have currently decided to start IVF as we enter the new year. We have never had a BFP.
Q. What infertility challenges are you facing?
My initial diagnosis was a-typical PCOS. I do ovulate on my own sometimes but sometimes my follicles never mature at all. Even sometimes with medication assisting I have difficulty getting my follicles to mature. I also have high testosterone levels and other high male androgens. I have crazy cycles that will vary any where from 13 days to 40+ days. When I had my initial HSG in October 2012 there was what they called “scar tissue” that was able to be passed with pressure from the dye so there is also some indication that I may also have endometriosis, though no definite diagnosis. I was going to have the laproscopy to see if this is a definite, but my RE advised me that the risk may out weigh the reward and it wouldn’t change our next step of IVF. I luckily do respond well to medications, however even with multiple mature follicles, amazing uterine linings, and wonderful sperm counts we still have not been able to achieve a BFP.
Q. What’s been the lowest point in your journey and how did you handle it?
Every time I hit my lowest point another lower point seems to be right around the corner waiting for me. I think many of us feel this way. Since it is freshest in my mind the lowest point for me has been my failed 6th IUI. There was a mix up with my schedule which had me go back to the RE 13 days post IUI. Since it was too early for a beta they had me take a HPT at the office.
When it was negative I knew in my heart that our cycle was over, but was going to have to wait until Monday to have my beta to be sure. Leaving the office that day I was distraught. Thankfully my husband is amazing and sent me off to go get a manicure and a pedicure. That hour just sitting and not thinking helped me regroup and pull myself together. Thankfully that night while at a wedding my period started which helped me be able to start processing that it was over for sure and helped me start to grieve another failed IUI and move forward. Just because we had 6 IUI’s that didn’t work doesn’t mean that IVF won’t work for us either. I think the best way to handle it all is to just remain always hopeful. That and to talk about it with women and men who are able to offer supportive and constructive advice.
Q. How has infertility affected you as a physical, emotional, and spiritual being?
Physically I have gained a bit of weight from my medicated cycles. More concerning to me than that (I can always lose weight again) is that I have had issues with muscle spasms in my neck and back which multiple doctors have told me is a direct result from stress in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that infertility played a roll in the pain and spasms that I was dealing with. I am happy to report that other than my normal mild stiffness I am feeling much better.
Mentally and emotionally I have had a tough time. It seems like almost all of my friends became pregnant this year. It was and still is hard for me to go to baby showers and gender reveal parties. I’ve had a lost of moments where I felt like I was depressed and very alone. The loneliness was the hardest. I felt like all of my friends were being inducted to a super secret club and there was no way I was going to ever be inducted. The best way to push those feelings aside was to talk about it- mainly on my blog but I also have a few friends who I confide what I am feeling. It was and is definitely the most important thing for me to keep going- having that outlet.
I definitely have become more spiritual as a direct result of this journey. I have met so many women of faith in the infertility blogging community and they have helped me remember my own faith. I know that things will work out and unfold exactly as they are supposed to. I believe in miracles and I truly feel ours is coming soon.
Q. Have you found a “silver lining” in your infertility?
I think my silver lining is all the people that I have met through this journey. Some of my fellow bloggers are the strongest women I know and I value their advice and friendships greatly. Without this journey and our struggle I would have never met all of you and so I am forever grateful that if I had to struggle with anything it was something that led me to you amazing women.
Q. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself at the beginning of your infertility journey, what would you tell yourself?
I think I would tell myself that there is nothing wrong with going out and getting help. After the first year and still no pregnancy I wish we would have gone out and sought help earlier instead of waiting. I was so very afraid of finding out that something really was wrong that I kept pushing off the RE. I was afraid that I was going to be told awful news so fear held me back from moving forward. I wish we would have moved forward sooner.
Q. What advice would you give to other women who are struggling with infertility?
Keep the faith and the hope alive. The faith is what helps fuel my hope that we will become parents. I think the other thing that has been vital for me is finding all of you and spilling my feelings out. Often times we bottle up the emotions afraid what we are feeling is wrong and not having people who understand exactly what you are going through doesn’t help. We all know those people the “just relax” people and the “stop trying and it will happen” people. Sometimes its best to just not share whats going on with those people and find other people that can help give constructive feedback that is helpful. For me that is the blogging community.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share?
I just want to thank everyone who has offered us advice, prayed for us, or held us in our thoughts throughout our journey. I think you women are amazing and strong and you have been vital in helping me along in this journey. I hope that I am able to help other along in their journey too.
Many thanks to Kasey for sharing her story. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her. If you liked this interview, you can see all my previous interviews here.
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