Tracy’s Infertility & Miscarriage Experience

This week’s interview is with Tracy from Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen.  I’ve been a long-time reader of Tracy’s blog so I’m thrilled to feature her today. I particularly love what she says at the end of the interview about advocating for yourself. Enjoy!

Q. Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Tracy, and I’m your basic bacon-loving, sarcasm-spewing, infertility-having Midwestern girl next door. I’m married to Mike, the husband, and he is probably the most laid back guy you’ll ever meet. Some days I really need that, because the struggles with infertility can really bring out some of my worst control-freak tendencies and anxiety issues. We have been married a little over five years, and we live in Toledo, Ohio, where the husband’s family mostly lives. I’m originally from West Michigan, but have lived all over the great Mitten State. I may now be an Ohioan by law, but I’ll always be a Michigander in my heart.

We have a crazy little dingo-dog named Remy, a sweet little girl kitty named Olive, and a 30 pound cat-beast named Charles. Seriously. He’s a big boy. I’ve always been quite the communicator (*cough*LONG-WINDED*cough*), and one positive thing that my infertility journey has brought me was a reminder of my love for writing. I’ve been blogging for around four years now, and I swear it’s the one thing that keeps me sane some days. I’ve also met so many amazing friends through their blogs (like Lisa!), and have been offered incredible opportunities like hosting a RESOLVE support group. None of these things would have happened if I hadn’t reached out to the infertility community, and I couldn’t be happier about that aspect of my journey.

Q. How long have you been TTC and what challenges are you facing?

We have been TTC since about three months after we were married in December 2008, which puts us at a tad over five years. I don’t recall the exact moment we decided to start “trying”, but I know that I went at it hard almost immediately and started charting my temps and cycles in March 2009. After a little over a year of nothing happening naturally, I met up with an Ob-Gyn to talk about it. I was met with some bad advice at first, but shortly thereafter found a different doctor who was sympathetic and sent me out for blood work and the husband for a semen analysis rather quickly.

There was nothing wrong with either of us… and there continues to be nothing wrong to this day, five years later. I’ve been through countless rounds of Clomid, Femara, Menopur, Gonal-F, five IUIs, four REs, and a partridge in a pear tree at this point. A diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you feel that your diagnosis is just a blanket term for “we haven’t found what’s wrong with you yet”. It’s been a rough road, but we are still alive – somehow!

Q. You endured a miscarriage at 8w4d. How did you survive this?

I was only able to conceive one time, back in August 2012, after my first hybrid cycle of Femara and Menopur. The pregnancy was rocky from the beginning, starting with very low betas, a bout of spotting, and a few inconclusive ultrasounds, and ultimately ending in miscarriage at around 9 weeks.

Those first few days of processing the news were awful and terrible. I don’t remember much, just that it was raining on the way home from the doctor’s office, and then walking around in a fog for weeks. I chose to take medication to help me miscarry more naturally, as opposed to the D&C route, and the meds took days to work. I was a wreck, but with the help and support of family and friends, I managed to get up and get back to work, both at my job, and in the sense that we started TTC again as soon as we were medically cleared. I think, for me, getting back up and doing something was what really helped me out of the grief tailspin I was in.

I still grieve for my lost Gummy Bear, especially in April when he or she would have been due. Last month would have been his or her first birthday, something that makes my heart ache to think about. I think ultimately, I survived this ordeal with the support and love of the husband, my friends and family, and honestly- time. They say that time heals all wounds, and of course we know that is not completely accurate, but time does help a person process unbearably deep emotional responses like grief.

Q. What advice would you give to someone facing an early miscarriage like yours?

If you are facing an early miscarriage, I have a couple pieces of advice for you: First, be kind to yourself. Give yourself room to breathe, to grieve in your own way. Your feelings are your own, and cannot be measured against any other person’s ability to get up, dust off, and move on. Losing a baby, even one so early, is not something that one just “moves on” from… It’s a process, and it takes time to deal with everything physically, let alone to make peace with the trauma.

Also, do not blame yourself. There may be medical reasons for early miscarriage, and much of the time, we’ll never know. I believe that there’s a reason for everything, cliche as that may be, and I like to think that maybe my Gummy Bear just wasn’t perfect yet when we lost him or her. Maybe that babe will come back to us one day…

Lastly, reach out. If support isn’t readily available in the form of shoulders of friends and family members, a hot meal here or there, or just a hug from a supportive coworker, then there are other forms of support available. Find support online, or find a RESOLVE support group in your area. One thing you cannot do in this is to be completely alone in your grief. There’s a difference between grieving quietly in your own way, and isolating yourself from everyone. Please know that you are not alone, that there are so many people who care and want to help, and finally, that your baby was alive, your baby was loved, and your baby mattered.

Q. A few months ago you decided to explore the natural/Chinese medicine route. What led you to this decision?

I have been seeing an acupuncturist and Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine since August. It’s been a unique experience, that’s for sure! I ultimately decided to pursue this type of treatment because I was tired of being constantly put off by my Western doctors. Several REs I had seen were so quick to jump to the IVF conversation with me, and I just wasn’t on board. After all, if you don’t know why I can’t conceive naturally or with medication, then what makes you think that me dropping $15K will help? What if the problem I have is deep enough that even IVF won’t be a magic fix? The husband and I decided that financially, IVF was out of the question for the time being, and I took some time to think about my options.

I ultimately made the decision to seek a more naturopathic type of treatment after reading Dr. Randine Lewis’ The Infertility Cure, and because I’ve always believed that correcting the issue was more effective than just treating the symptoms. Chinese medicine believes in treating the whole body and bringing all of its systems into balance, which I love. I want to be balanced, especially after spending so many years feeling like a walking hormonal imbalance after taking so many fertility drugs!

I will say that the acupuncture and Chinese herbs route takes a great deal more patience than I had at the beginning of my journey. I’ve been seeing Dr. McStabby (that’s not his real name, haha) for over six months, and there have been ups and downs in my progress. Over the past couple of cycles, however, I’ve managed to reach a pretty nice consistency in my ovulation, which used to take place late in my cycle. I’m now ovulating consistently around cycle day 15 or 16! It’s a small victory, and I have not conceived at this point, but I know that my body is coming into balance through the herbs, the acupuncture treatments, and the diet, lifestyle, and supplement advice I’ve received through my relationship with my Eastern doctor. I feel better than I have in years, and that counts for something.

Q. What sort of changes have you made in your lifestyle after going this new direction?

The changes I’ve made have been simple and complex at the same time. When I first met with Dr. McStabby, I had just competed Dr. Lewis’ book, and had made some dietary changes on my own. Based on my body type, I had removed sugar, caffeine, most gluten, and most dairy from my diet, and the doc asked me to keep those changes up for a couple of months so we could assess my cycles. I have charted my temps and cervical fluid for years, so I had that information readily available for him to go over as well.

After two cycles or so, the doc told me that he suspected I may have a sub-clinical thyroid imbalance, and probably some adrenal fatigue. It helped explain why I was so thin, couldn’t keep weight on, had anxiety issues, and had ovulation problems. He asked me to adjust my diet again, this time to a far less strict “everything in moderation” plan, and asked me to include more healthy fats, like coconut oil and grass-fed organic beef. He also prescribed me a naturopathic supplement for adrenal fatigue, and after a cycle of that, another for thyroid support. My energy returned, I gained weight, I was no longer tired ALL.THE.TIME, and my ovulation started regulating! There were several tweaks of my Chinese herb formulas throughout this time as well, and now I’m finally at a really good point. I am actually getting ready to make an appointment with my RE to repeat the blood work I haven’t had done in a year, and I’m eager to see if there have been any major changes. Even if my labs are the same, I know that at least I feel a thousand times healthier than I did a year ago!

Q. Which books, quotes, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?

This is a tough one, because it’s so hard for me to choose from what all has inspired me throughout the years. I know that I already mentioned Dr. Lewis’ book The Infertility Cure, but to elaborate, that book was the first thing I read about infertility that really made me think more deeply about my situation. There was so much I didn’t know, so much I had never considered, and I now know that because of that book, I’ve been able to embrace a lifestyle and treatment methods that I would have previously thought were straight-up voodoo. I’ll be forever grateful to Dr. Lewis for her words and insight.

The song that always lightens my heart, gives me hope, and makes me feel at peace with the world is The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. These lyrics just speak directly to my heart, to my anxieties, and calm me immediately:

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away
It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
Whenever this song comes on the radio or my playlist, it’s like someone, somewhere knew that I needed to hear it at exactly that moment.

Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?

The only other thing I want to tell the readers is this: advocate for your own health. There is NO ONE that cares about you having a baby as much as YOU do. Your doctors can’t – they have hundreds of other patients. It’s up to you to do your own research, to get copies of your records and lab results, and to get second opinions. Your doctors and practitioners work for you. Your hard-earned money pays them to help you on your journey, and if you don’t feel that you’re getting what you pay for, then it is completely within your right and power to find someone who makes you feel heard. The best doctors are also the best listeners, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with “interviewing” a doctor prior to committing to treatment.

I say it all the time, but YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE. Stand up for yourself, for your body, for your health, and for your reproductive future. There are people it’s best not to question in life (like the police, for example…), but doctors are there to be challenged, to respond to your inquiries, and to dig deeper when they can’t find you an answer. If all else fails, bring a list of questions, and bring someone with you who can be your backbone during appointments, whether that’s your husband, your tough-as-nails best friend, or your take-no-sh*t mother. If you’re not confident yourself, then a little support might be exactly what you need.

There are doctors who will treat every patient with exactly the same protocol, despite what the charts say. There are also doctors who will read, listen, research, and care – go out and find that doctor. It took me four years, three Ob-Gyns, four REs, and two acupuncturists, but I finally found what I need. You can find that too, and please don’t rest until you do.

 

 Many thanks to Tracy for sharing her infertility and miscarriage experience. Please leave a comment below to let her know how much you appreciate her, and consider pinning this image so others can find her story.  If you liked this interview, you can see all my other interviews here. 

 

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