I have a lot of girl friends in their early-to-mid thirties who have yet to try to get pregnant. Some are still single and waiting to meet the right man. Others are married, but have decided to wait a little longer before trying to conceive. Given what I now know about fertility and infertility, there are a few things I’d want to tell them.
Dear Friends,
I hope with all my heart that when the time comes, you’ll have no trouble conceiving and carrying a healthy-child to term.
However, infertility affects 1 out of 8 couples trying to conceive, so it’s very likely that some of you will come to know the same heartache I’ve experienced these past two years. I hope you’ll take into consideration some of the lessons I’ve learned while you wait for your time to try to conceive.
Start Tracking Your Cycles Now
Some of you may already keep track of when your period begins and ends. However, I’d encourage you to start taking notice of other fertility signs. Do you know what a luteal phase is and how long your is? It can affect your future fertility! Do you know if and when you ovulate? Figuring out these things before you start trying to have a baby can take a lot of stress out of the process when you do try. It can give you valuable information about your body that may potentially save you from wasting months or years of trying on your own or at the wrong time. Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility is one of the best books on the subject. I’ll keep my copy until menopause!
Learn About the Signs & Symptoms of Infertility
Many people with painful periods assume that’s simply part of being female. I did. I now know that very painful periods can be a symptom of endometriosis. If you want conceive a child one day, learn everything about you can about infertility and reproduction now. Again, Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great resource learning more.
Know Your Options for Fertility Preservation
I’m not telling you to freeze your eggs. But I am telling you to at least be aware of your options for doing so. Egg freezing is a complicated, expensive procedure, and it’s not a decision you want to make quickly or out of desperation. There’s also no guarantee that freezing eggs will lead to a future pregnancy. Figure out what you think about it before you’re under the gun to decide to do it. If you’re concerned about declining fertility as you get older, talk to your doctor go see a reproductive endocrinologist (fertility specialist) and educate yourself. The USC Fertility Center has helpful information.
If you decide egg freezing isn’t your thing, at least take the time to learn about how to optimize your fertility. RESOLVE has a webpage with some great resources.
I hope you’ll never have to deal with fertility issues, but knowledge is power. So learn as much as you can now!
What would you tell your friends who haven’t yet started trying to get pregnant? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
P.S. Are you looking for more encouragement during infertility? Be sure to check out my free infertility prayer calendar and my 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility series.
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Hi from ICLW! This is a great post- honestly, I learned so much from reading TCOYF. I think every woman needs to read it regardless of TTC status!
Thank you! Yes, it’s definitely on my must-read list for all women.
I’m totally with you. I personally know relatives of mine (female) who are DOCTORS who have no idea about any of this. It makes me very cranky. =)
Makes me cranky, too! (Love that word choice)
I agree! In my opinion, the book should be part of sex education. Seriously, what teenage girl wouldn’t benefit from knowing what her body is doing and when?
I agree! I wish they would come out with a teen version!
I think this is great!! I think I just want girls to be aware that to trust the Lord in the perfect timing – it might not happen when they want, so just to surrender all plans to Him ( I guess that goes for every aspect of life, huh)!
Such a good thing to add, Caroline. You always point it back to Jesus, which is why I keep reading your blog! 🙂
Good Afternoon from ICLW! I wish I had a letter from a friend like this before I started TTC, or that my OB doctor had advised me regarding declining fertility. I never considered I would have an issue getting pregnant (started TTC at age 33) and now I’m 36 and doing IVF. Knowledge is power, and it’s great you are helping to educate those you care about.
Thanks for the kind words!
What a great letter….I would say all of those things, and really stress the notion that you need to educate yourself on the reality of fertility in the upper 30s and early 40s. I know three women who waited because they weren’t quite ready, and found themselves in their upper 30s and early 40s just beginning the fertility treatment journey. Knowing it can take years, two opted for adoption and the third managed to conceive at 43. It worked out for all of them, but they all say they wish they had started trying earlier. There is so much advantage to getting tested and knowing the facts early, even if you plan to wait. Then, at least, your decision to wait is an educated one.
This is so good! I really wish I would have taken my own fertility more seriously earlier. I had a strange inkling that it might take a long time for me (though I didn’t think it would be this long. But no one in my family had experienced infertility like I am, so I was naive.
One of my biggest realizations is to be careful how you dole out conception advice. I get a lot of recommendations and while I appreciate their concern it’s not simply “read this book…and bam!” Sometimes it’s just better to listen, encourage, and at the end of the day I know I’m not the creator of life.
This is a great read! I didn’t start trying until I was 30 but I honestly had no desire to have kids until this age. If I knew what I did today about infertility I can almost guarantee that I would have done so many things differently, including trying earlier.
I think you hit pretty much everything I would say. My big things are EDUCATE yourself about your body, don’t be afraid of your body and what it does (during my last pap, as my doc was doing the breast exam she was telling me she has some patients who are afraid to touch their own breasts! That’s crazy!). Don’t be afraid to talk about it to other people because you will learn a lot and gain new connections to people. And educate yourself about your body. 🙂
Absolutely, Megan. Education is power. Thanks for the comment!
Even though I don’t want to conceive, this is great information. Infertility is at an all time high and I really don’t understand why. Women never had such a hard time getting pregnant. I often wonder if something is in the water.
Stopping by from SITS Sharefest.
I don’t doubt that some people’s infertility is due to environmental issues. But I disagree that women have never had such a hard time getting pregnant before. I think we just talk about it more openly now.
This is awesome. I would tell them to journal their journey, to trust in God, and stay in the present. My 7 year battle to get pregnant became a time of self discovery for me. After several surgeries, treatments, acupuncture, and meditation, I am now the mommy of two miracle girls.
You may have inspired me to write my story. Thank you…found you at SITS!
Kristen, congrats on your miracles! I’d love to read your story if you do end up writing it. Please send me the link when you publish it! 🙂
Wow. This is a great and honest post. I have SO many friends (in mid to late 20s) that have been trying to get pregnant for at least two years… no one ever told them that it might NOT be possible to easily (or at all) get pregnant.
Going to check out the rest of your blog.
Found you via SITS Saturday Sharefest.
Wow, after two years they should definitely be going to see a specialist. Best wishes to them!
Hi from SITS and ICLW! This is such a good post. I have heard so much about that book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I think it’s time I get it! I hear it has a good chapter on breastfeeding and fertility, and I need that…
I think what I would tell people is: don’t waste your time with any old gynae, rather go to the reputable fertility clinic first. It may not cost as much as you think and they will identify the problem sooner. I wasted too much time with the wrong doctors…
Hi Heather, yes- definitely check out the book! I agree to not spend too much time at the OB/GYN’s office. Mine told me I would have no trouble conceiving, so we spent way too long trying on our own. Also, I’ve heard too many stories of OB/GYNs putting people on Clomid unmonitored and that’s just crazy.
Very good information and resources. Thank you for sharing. No one thinks that they will have problems. Knowing your body before hand may help with the whole process. Stopping by from Titus 2’sdays link up.
Thanks for this honest post! Your words are very wise and very good advice, especially since so many women are waiting until they’re older to get married and then waiting to have babies until after they’ve been married awhile. I was blessed to meet my future husband when I was very young–we got married at age 21 and I had my first child just before I turned 28. But these days many women are 28 or older before they even think about getting married, much less having children, and declining fertility is part of the aging process. It’s good for women to be armed with knowledge about their bodies’ processes. With all the “women’s studies” offered at universities these days, I’d think that this would make a great class. Many people might not desperately need the information, but many will, and learning it would be helpful for any woman who might want to have children at some point!
Thanks for joining Grace at Home!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Richella. I agree this kind of stuff should be taught in universities!
These are great tips! I never thought about any of this until we tried to have our first.
Some very interesting information there. I was very lucky and conceived in the first month of trying all three times that I suppose I have always just taken our ability to conceive for granted but for some it is not that easy. #Sharewithme
Totally agree! I haven’t experienced the same struggle that you have, but there are too many good reasons to start tracking your cycles now. You may as well learn to do it sooner rather than later. My kids are all super close together in age, so I have found TCOYF to be a huge help in spacing the kids out a little more the next time around. Found you on Fellowship Fridays!
Having studied natural medicine and alternative treatments I can tell you many in that community consider infertility to begin with a problem in the gut. My own daughter was healed of infertility by getting her gut issues straightened out.
I have had many many friends have trouble conceiving and I think we all think that won’t be us and that we will just wait until we are ready then expect it to happen right away. And 9 out of 10 it doesn’t seem to happen so quick and easy. I know very few that it has been easy or maybe I am just surrounded by infertile friends but there seems to be a huge struggle in my generation so knowing your stuff and taking all the wonderful tips you gave here is so important. And good for you for sharing about it and getting the word out there. I think we are afraid of the unknown but knowing options and about ourselves now would help. Thank you for linking up to Share With Me. Hope to see you again tomorrow for another great week of it. #sharewithme
That book you mentioned is either the same book that I used or one like it. This is such a good post to share. Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing the post, Judith! I appreciate it!