One of the most stressful parts of infertility is the financial aspect. Most of us end up paying at least some part of our treatment or diagnosis out-of-pocket. I’ve been very open about how much money we’ve spent. In the past week, we’ve added another $9,000 to that total. It’s an understatement to say that infertility is expensive.
When my husband and I first got married, we starting saving most of my salary and living off of his salary. We did this so I could stay at home when we had a child. Well, this last big bill has brought us back to the amount of money we had when we first got married. Three years’ worth of my salary gone. And still no baby.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m so grateful that my salary has provided us with the funds to try. But things are really starting to get scary. I’ve realized that so much of my security is wrapped up in how much money I have in my savings account. Of course, saving and financial stewardship is a good thing. But I’m surprised at how much I’m affected now that the savings are dwindling.
I listen to a lot of podcasts and I recently stumbled on sermons from a church in San Francisco called Reality. Today a new podcast entitled “Your Wealth and God’s Will” showed up in my feed. Guys, it was the best sermon on money I have ever heard. It’s not one of those sermons that talks about how you need to give more or spend less. It challenged me to remember that money cannot buy what we’re seeking.
We’ve all seen that IVF meme on Pinterest that says “Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness hasn’t been told they can only have children via IVF.” Yes, I’m seeking a baby and right now it seems that only money will bring me that chance. But what am I seeking in having a baby? A sense of purpose? Happiness? Unconditional love? Security in knowing I’ll have someone to take care of me when I’m old? Am I using money to try to get something only a relationship with Christ can give me? These are hard questions, but we need to ask them.
If you’re burdened by finances and infertility, I highly recommend you check out the sermon. The video and audio are available for free on Reality’s website and you can also download the audio for free on iTunes.
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I think money is the one thing that just about sends me into a downpour of tears every time these days. I can talk about infertility, miscarriage, all of that hard stuff, but mention money and I just want to sob. The financial aspect of this has been one of the hardest parts of all of this mess… we had zero savings at the time of our infertility diagnosis and my husband was still in physical therapy school. It was a LONG road to IVF. I don’t think I realized how much comfort the growing savings account brought me. It made me feel accomplished and active in my pursuit for a child despite not actively cycling. When the account hit zero and I had nothing to show for it, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I don’t think people realize how closely success and money are tied in infertility… sure some people are successful with one IUI or one round of injectables. There are even those who have to shell out the big bucks for IVF and find success, but there are far more who don’t find success after multiple cycles, multiple IUIs, and have to repeat IVF. The more money you have or the more money you can get, the more chances at success… it’s a crazy frustrating system. Which is why I want to cry at the mere mention of money.
Thanks for the reminder that money may bring home a baby, but can’t buy happiness! I’ll definitely check out the podcast!
We are doing a study right now by Jennie Allen called Restless and I sort of asked myself the exact same question yesterday. When we pray to God and ask for something it is supposed to be all for his glory. So I had to think to myself about how I’ve been praying for a baby but I haven’t really thought in detail about how that will be for His glory. Talk about make you stop in your tracks! I will check this sermon out for sure, thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the reminder to ask the tough questions. When what we want is a good thing (children), doing whatever it takes seems logical. It is so important to keep evaluating along the way.
This is so true – so important to ask that question too – what am I seeking? I’m going over to check out the sermon now!!!
Check for a clinical study in your area!
If only there was a guarantee that money would bring home a baby, maybe we would all be a bit happier about spending it! So many of us are having to spend their life savings on something that costs others nothing, it’s so frustrating. Free crystal balls so you could make a more informed decision on whether to spend the money or not… now they would be REALLY useful!
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly with regard to infertility and finances. Have a blessed week.
Thank you for sharing so openly! My husband and I have been trying for our second baby for 8 months now and thoughts of treatments have been running through my mind – will it be in our future, how would we finance them, does God want us to adopt instead, should we wait a few years? All of that stuff swimming around.
I am going to read through more of your blog – again, I really appreciate you sharing this on the Mommy Moments linkup!
Thanks for the kind words, Amy. I hope you have success in conceiving your second very soon!
What a great thought! It’s really hard in today’s culture to separate money from just about any aspect of our lives, but really, if we are more Christ-centered, we will! I hate how much and how hard infertility is for people. It doesn’t seem fair. And I’m sorry.
Thanks for linking up to HDYDI.
Thanks, Katelyn. You’re right that it’s difficult to separate money from almost every aspect- not just infertility.