Hope chests are traditionally kept by young, unmarried women as a place to store the little treasures they’ll use once they get married. I never had a hope chest when I was single, but it occurred to me today that at each step in my attempt to have a child (and even before I was trying), I’ve created what could be considered an end-of-infertility hope chest. I don’t have a trunk or chest in which to keep these items. They’re scattered around my house, and it gave me a little lump in my throat when I gathered them all in one location today.
Several years ago, before I was even married, I bought this shirt at Target. I didn’t realize until I got home that it was a maternity shirt. I kept it because I liked it and hoped I’d need it one day.
I would also occasionally buy children’s books and put them away for when I had kids. Over the years I’ve given some away, but here are a few I still have.
When we purchased our home one month before we started trying to conceive, I moved a couple books from my parents’ house to my house. These were some of my favorite books when I was a child. My mom saved them and I decided I wanted to keep them for my future children to read.
Once we started trying to conceive on our own, I decided to purchase a few cute football-themed outfits I saw. (My husband is a football coach). I kept running into these little outfits, and green and yellow are my husband’s team colors. I figured it was a sign a little boy would be on the way soon.
After our 4 failed IUIs, I decided to crochet Hello Kitty beanies for my nieces for Christmas. I made an extra infant-sized one and kept it because I was so sure our upcoming IVF would work. I had my football outfits, and I needed something for a girl- just in case.
Before I found out about my chemical pregnancy with my 1st IVF cycle, I had about 48 hours where I thought I was pregnant. Like any red-blooded, middle-class American woman I went to Target! I wanted to finally purchase something from the maternity section so I bought this shirt.
During my last (unsuccessful) frozen cycle, my mom had to travel across the country to pack up my grandmother’s house after she was moved to an assisted-living facility for dementia patients. For as long as I can remember, my grandmother had told me and my cousin that we could have her Bunnykin figurine collection when we had our own children. So my mom brought them home. They’re wrapped up in newspaper waiting for when we can turn our spare room into a nursery.
As I approach my next IVF cycle, part of me wants to buy something small to commemorate this step in the journey. But part of me is hesitant because I know it will sting if this cycle fails.
If you decide to create your own hope chest, you’ll first need to decide where to keep all the stuff. If you don’t want to leave it scattered around the house like I did, you can buy a storage container. I like the idea of buying a gender-neutral toy box that might one day be used by your future child. You can get large wooden ones (like this one) or smaller, lighter collapsible canvas ones (like this).
So, if you’re thinking about starting your own hope chest and aren’t sure what to put in it, here are some fun ideas:
Update: The response to this post has been overwhelming. So many of you have written to say that you have your own “hope chest,” too. I decided to create a free printable to help you keep track of the items in your hope chest and to document the meaning behind the purchases or gifts. Download it for free by clicking here or on the image below. You’ll also receive my monthly email newsletter with exclusive tips, resources, and encouraging articles (you can unsubscribe at any time).
Do you have an infertility hope chest or items you’ve saved up for when your miracle arrives? Do you find yourself purchasing things at each important step in your journey? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Hi,returning your visit from Normal Education (with the Perfect Cup of Tea). I see we have the same surname too! Just wanted to say I’ve been through infertility too, so I won’t say any of the stupid things, just that I know and care. Hang in there.
My hope chest has many maternity clothes, a baby carrier from a friend, decorations for a baby shower, many many many many onesies and blankets and cute clothes. I would buy them when I felt like all hope was lost, and also when I felt like celebrating. I bought them and labeled them “negative pregnancy test” “lost enough weight for treatment” “started clomid today” “felt like it was all too impossible” “had amazing women pray for you (baby) today” etc etc.
We tried for over 3 years. I bought my first little onesie when things weren’t happening as quickly as I hoped they would. It’s hung on the wall in our lounge room for all these years, with a sign underneath saying “God keeps his promises”. This year we tied a Christmas ribbon to it for our child finally due on Christmas day.
Oh I love that- “God keeps His promises.” I feel like I should embroider that into a baby quilt or something. I think I will. Congratulations on your little blessing- praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you!
I guess I don’t really have a “hope chest,” but I do have lots of children’s books (I have an elementary teaching degree– I just can’t help it!) and old favorite toys around… which are really very handy for when the nieces and nephews visit.
I kind of feel like a lot of the decisions in my life are a “hope chest” of sorts. Like the fact that we decided to live in a home with four bedrooms, or that we’re looking to purchase a truck with four doors- so car seats aren’t so much of a struggle. And yeah, sometimes I think, we really don’t need this much space, or let’s just take that great deal on a truck without those extra doors.
But sometimes it feels like hope. And that little bit of hope is so important!
I totally understand what you mean by the decisions thing. We just bought a station wagon! I definitely don’t need that much space in my car yet. But it gives me hope.
Yes!!! Love these steps of faith!!!! I have a whole closet full and bought another baby item yesterday!
This blog post really breaks my heart and I really, really hope that one day soon you will be able to utilise all those things that you have in your infertility hope chest.
I did the complete opposite when it turned out that we were having trouble conceiving and didn’t buy anything. We were so close to buying buggies and moses baskets and all sorts in the initial excitement of TTC, and in someways I’m glad that we never got around to it, as I don’t know if I could have coped with having all those material things in the house reminding me of what we did not have. I think this might be partly due to my pessimistic personality, and partly to due to a need to ‘protect my heart’.. I’m hoping that I’m not jinxing myself with all this negativity and pessimistic heart-protection, though.
There is this one teddy (well it’s actually a cuddly rabbit) that I’ve been dreaming of buying for ages now in readiness for our little one (who hopefully one day will be). I think I might just go out and buy it now!
Your post has inspired me to have my own infertility hope chest, because quite frankly being so pessimistic is getting a little tiresome. Thanks for your post (and so sorry for this mega long comment!)xx
No need to apologize for the long comment, Haisla! (I love your name, by the way). I totally understand that it might be hard to have baby things in the house because it reminds you of what you don’t yet have. I have all those things in the pictures, but they’re not in plain view. Most of them are tucked away in our spare room where I rarely go- BUT sometimes I take a peek at them. 🙂 I’m glad this post has inspired you and I do encourage you do buy at least something small. Best wishes to you in your journey.
I totally did! Especially when we were waiting during the first adoption. I bought onsies and bibs from every ski area we frequented and every vacation we took. It made it fun to look forward to the certainty that ONE day we WOULD be parents.
Oh yes! I have an overflowing gigantic storage tub of things 🙂 I love buying stuff and adding it to the pile 🙂
I think commemorating the steps in the journey is wonderful … although it can be hearbreaking, you will one day be a mama and your heart will be full of joy when the time comes to share these beautiful treasures with your soon-to-be babe.
I only have a few items that my mom bought for me about 3 years ago. I keep them tucked away in the closet. I’ve never actually bought anything myself. I feel like I might jinx it. Plus I think it would make me terribly sad and depressed to have baby items that I fear I may never get to use. BUT I don’t think a “hope chest” or a stash of baby items are necessarily a bad thing. If the items give you hope, then absolutely keep adding to it and those items will have special meaning when you finally have your own little one.
Lisa,
I completely and totally understand your hope chest of baby items and the pain of infertility! I walked the path of infertility for 5 years and remember every step of the journey, the hope and the tears. But mostly I remember God’s faithfulness as He held my hand and gave me strength every step of the way. Fertility treatments are not for the faint of heart, but when you hold your miracle baby in your arms, it WILL be worth. May God bless you on your journey to motherhood. (If you need some encouragement, feel free to stop by faithalongtheway.com where I shared our story- Coping with Infertility and 10 Things Your Friend Struggling with Infertility Wished You Knew).
Thanks for commenting, Sarah Ann. I stopped by your blog and I’m so excited to read through your story!
How funny-
I was just thinking about gathering all the things I’ve bought or have been given to me since we started TTC and putting them in my gradfather’s cedar chest. I hadn’t done it yet as I’m really afraid of how much crying I’ll do. However, then I’ll know where everything is. When Border’s went out of business, we bought quite a few books including a baby book. We had just started TTC, so it was exciting.
Now after 1 ectopic, 1 miscarriage (from our first IUI cycle), and 2 failed IUIs, I almost don’t want to pull them out of the box they’re in and put them somewhere nice. I hate false hope- I suppose I am negative in that I just assume it’s not going to work, so then I have slightly less let-down.
Anyway, I just found it interesting you posted this shortly after I was thinking about putting everything we’ve gathered into my family cedar chest…
Reading through your blog breaks my heart. I was in that place..very place that you are right now 5 years ago. We tried close to 3 years. 2 misscarriages and few failed IUI’s later we had our lil princess. The most beautiful part was that she came in her own terms when there was very little chance of getting pregnant.
I had one blocked fallopian tube, so before every IUI they would check to see which side I am ovulating, if its on the unblocked side we would try IUI. Funny thing was that we did ultrasound and found the egg was on the blocked side..we returne back home deflated!! There is a very little chance of egg jumping over and coming thru other side (my doc said 1-5%). She did. Crazy but true. I got pregnant. I didn’t hold my hopes high until week 18 when I saw a baby moving and swimming in my tummy.
We are fighting a different battle now but I am glad she is here with us.
I want you to have hope. Babies come in their own terms, regardless of our needs. This pain you are going thru is temporary. It will change, you will be a mom one way or other.
Renga, thanks for the kind comment. I’m so happy that you got your miracle!
I’m glad I’m not the only one 🙂 our house has a small add on room off of the master bedroom, one day soon it will be our nursery, meanwhile it’s just slowly collecting the things I’m given, the things I need, or quite frankly some stuff that’s just too plain cute to pass up!! 😉 God bless you on your journey!
Thank you, Deborah. Best wishes on your journey, too.
I read this and just broke. I am sitting here in complete tears. I feel so alone, so often, in all things infertility. I feel completely misunderstood and it’s devastating. I have seen the Ecards, and the hope filled quotes, but nothing i have read in the last several years has hit home like this article. I also have a chest {box} of hope filled items for the future. Sometimes i take it down, look at the teeny tiny clothes, bows, toys, etc…. and i just long for everything that the box represents. Thank you. Thank you for posting this and renewing some of my lost hope.
Oh Shaelene, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, too. I’m glad the post gives you hope. Hugs and best wishes to you, friend.
I have a literal wooden hope chest that my parents gave to me on my 18th birthday. Over the last 4 years I have been putting onesies, stuffed animals and books into it. And when I was talking to my sister awhile back she said to me “Do you find it interesting that mom and dad have you that hope chest? They didn’t do that for anyone of the rest of us…” I have 2 brothers as well as my sister. I thought long and hard about that though. Not that my parents knew that I was going to go through infertility, but that I was going to need it someday.
I’ve had 2 ectopic pregnancies, 1 failed fresh ivf cycle… We are currently in the 2 week wait for our frozen cycle. My prayers are with you all, that someday our dreams will come true.
So sorry you’re going through this infertility mess, too. Best wishes on your two-week-wait.
I have a virtual HOPE chest – Pinterest board! I had 3 miscarriages last year, and understand your struggle. For me personally, while still TTC, I’ve decided that the word “infertility ” will not be taboo in my world. While, does make some uncomfortable, I figure no one hesitates to ask why I don’t have children yet mind as well tell them the truth. Best wishes on your journey…
Thank you, Molly. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. No one should have to go through 3- especially in the same year. But I love that you’ve decided that the word “infertility” will not be a taboo in your life.
I have a pink jean baby quilt I made and a little pink onsie that says “worth the wait” stored away. I now have two little boys thanks to IVF but still have those two things in my cedar chest 🙂
So wonderful you had your boys with IVF! It gives me hope. Fingers crossed you get your girl one day!
I haven’t bought any baby clothes but I’ve been stashing fabric for when we have a baby. I want to make all the bedding, curtains, etc for when that time comes. We’ve been trying for a year and have yet to get anywhere.
Best wishes as you continue to try, Dawn.
I have a lot of clothes and other items I have collected over the years. (We are approved and waiting to adopt.) I also have that “Big Thoughts for Little People” book from when I was little! 🙂
What a lovely idea! I’m not sure that I could do it though. I find baby clothes the hardest to look at. Just makes me ache to see them empty with no baby in. I do have some children’s books that I’ve kept, but I’ve used them at times when children come to visit. As a dramatherapist, I also have lots of toys, but that’s all in the name of work 😉
My husband and I have been going through infertility for more than 6 years now.
I wish you the best.
Over the past two and a half years I have been saving items my son or I no longer use (clothes that don’t fit, toys that are too “young” for him, nursing clothes, nursing pillows…), for baby number two. Every time I go out into the garage I see the storage bins full of things that we’re eagerly waiting to pull out again. Hopefully someday.
Any news recently I had to do IVF after 4 failed IUI’S too
Hi Danielle, We did another fresh IVF cycle in July. Unfortunately, it ended up negative, too. We’re in the middle of a several-months-long break, and we’ll be doing another IVF round in March.
Im sorry to hear that i guess your baby just isnt ready yet and will be all prepped when it come March time frame I will keep looking and checking in along your journey 😉
My husband and I have been trying for four years and because of not having insurance before, but do now, we are beginning to see infertility specialist. My doctor has me on Clomid and on the second time around for that. But I have basically everything we need for a special little one. My house is a baby’s paradise. You walk in and will wonder where the kid is. 🙁
I have been collecting items for about 3 years. I have 3 bins full of clothes, blankets, even toys. I have enough to start a nursey, just need the baby to complete the picture. Glad I’m not the only one. Good luck.
Karen, thanks so much for sharing a little bit of your story. Stories like yours give me hope!
I love your hope chest. It’s ok to have faith and hope for the future. It’s a positive way to look at things that could be. I am a firm believer in the positive reinforcements of our thoughts and actions too. Great post. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
I have a hope chest, it’s mainly filled with cute clothes that I thought would be so cute on our future kid. 3 years have gone by and we have tried some staying treatments and are now struggling to find the money to go forward. It’s so hard watching those around us get pregnant over and over. When I get down I pull out the tote I keep everything in and realize some day it will happen!
Glad to know I’m not the only one who buys baby stuff without baby! I don’t have a hope chest persay, more various things scattered around my house. It’s so nice sometimes – to just look through the tiny outfits etc, and think “one day” – It’s an enlightening way to look forward to the future, and know that there are some aspects of this that I/we can control! Such an awesome idea <3.
Thank you for writing this. I thought I was the only one who secretly does this. I have had my chest for over 6 years. Trying to conceive for almost 5, to find out recently that I have stage 3 endometriosis. Here’s to keeping the hope. Bless you and best of luck.
Krystal, I’m so sorry to hear of your diagnosis but glad that you at least know what it is now. Thanks so much for the kind words, and I wish you the best, too.
I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog on Pinterest! This is wonderful. I too have a hope chest, which has kind of completely evolved into being a spare room full of baby stuff….. It started with a few outfits and lots of books (I am obsessed with Robert Munsch!) and ended up evolving into my friends who have little ones giving me most of the stuff their kids have outgrown… So here’s to a spare room and trunk full of baby items, no guarantee of needing them (although an IUI is in the works!), and keeping hopeful that one day they will be well used and well loved <3 Thank you!
Hi Briana, I’m not sure if you realize this but we’ve chatted before on Twitter! It’s so great to see you here on the blog! Best wishes on your IUI!
Yes I do I recognized your tag and picture 🙂 Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for this idea. My husband and I have been trying for three years with no success. I was diagnosed with PCOS, which has made things more difficult. Financially, IUIs or IVF are not really an option, so we are unsure of where to go from here. Along the way, I have picked up a few things with no place to put them. When I saw your post, I went out and bought a small baby themed box and placed all the items I’ve accrued over the last three years. I hope one day I will be able to open it and use the things in there, but until then, they are safely put away in the hope chest. Thank you again.
I still have a few things. I got a lot of items second hand when we first started trying to conceive. I gave most of them away to a family that lost everything in a fire, but a few of the ones most important to us we kept.
I honestly cried as I read through some of these comments and each one of your stories brought me hope. I was diagnosed with PCOS two years ago, I’m 35, single, and I have always wanted to have kids but never found the right guy. My grandma was told she could not have any kids after she was 34. My doctor said each woman is different but I just have this fear that I will never be able to have kids one day. I recently decided I wanted to refinish a hope chest for storage reasons and found this blog. I am going to have someone write on the hope chest “God Keeps His Promises” now, thanks to Heath-Michelle’s idea. Thank you so much for the encouragement! I hope all of you are able to conceive healthy children and God blesses each one of you with hope.
This post made me smile more than any I have read on infertility…. My husband and I have been wanting a family for more than 6 years now and in those years I have collected clearance clothes, blankets, books,and toys that I know our future babies will love! They are in rubbermaid boxes in the attic but I Iike the idea of a Hope Chest… perhaps I should compile all my purchases into my cedar chest and leave it in our empty (future nursery) room?
I am glad I found this blog!!! I was diagnosed with PCOS almost 2 years ago after I got married. I had always had issues, but never knew why and when I met my husband he told me he had a vasectomy done after his second child (from previous marriage) was born. I didn’t think I wanted kids and it wasn’t a big deal that he couldn’t any more, but after getting married and contemplating the idea of having a little girl the conversation surfaced of him maybe getting a reversal. To make a long story short…the day finally came, he had a reversal done last week, I have been in treatments for PCOS and had a hysteroscopy done last year. We really want to have a baby and I have prayed to God to allow me to become one. There are times when my husband and I are browsing through the stores and gaze at baby clothes, I have pins (on Pinterest) of baby rooms, we have names picked out, but that’s where it all ends. I have been tempted to buying little outfits that I love or little toys, a book, anything because I don’t want to “jinx” my chances or seem crazy because I am not even pregnant or even know if we can. This blog and reading the comments has given me the confidence to do so and to know that there is nothing wrong with it. I hope someday God will send us a child and that the items that I collect will get used by him or her and if it is simply not in HIS plan than I know someone else will be able to enjoy them.