Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m interviewing Davy from The Sea of TTC. I’m a big fan of her blog and I’m thrilled to feature her this week. Enjoy!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
Davy is my real name; it’s not short for anything. My parents got the name from the book, A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon VanAuken. I grew up in Montana and Minnesota, but now live in the South with my husband. In our six years of marriage, we have lived in six different places in three different cities. Now that we are buying a house, we hope to stay put for a while.
Q. How long have you been TTC and what issues are you facing?
We have been TTC for more than three years. The doctors have not been able to find anything wrong, so they don’t know what to fix. An HSG showed possible endometriosis on one side, but I’m not really having other symptoms. We could do more invasive (and expensive) tests, but have decided not to for now.
Q. You move a lot. How do you deal with that and maintain a level of consistency in your treatment?
“Consistent” is not a word I would use to describe our infertility testing and treatment. Due to our moves, we have met with three different doctors in three separate cities. Each time we would get started with a doctor, we would move again. As most people in infertility land have heard, stress can contribute to infertility. Moving is stressful, so I was hesitant to pursue testing if just living calmly could help. After our most recent move, I spent about six months taking really good care of myself and enjoying a slower pace. When nothing happened, we pursued testing again.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
Two blog posts have been particularly encouraging to me: Don’t Waste Your Infertility and Women, Children, Infertility, and God. So many Bible verses have encouraged me along the way. Our infertility theme verse is Romans 12:12, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Here are a few others: Psalm 66:8-12, Isaiah 45:7, Psalm 112:6-7. So many verses have reminded me that God is in control. Our infertility is suffering that was specially designed by Him for our good and His glory. We have received a lot of peace by trusting in Him.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
We handle infertility very differently. I am an open book, likely to share our story to any random stranger who asks the wrong question. My husband is more private about it. He will talk to me, but doesn’t often share with others.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
We both have very supportive family members. Some of them told us that they didn’t know what to say or how to encourage us. If people so close to us were at a loss, I was sure that many other well-intentioned people were, too. I wanted my blog to provide insight to people who have never experienced infertility and an encouragement to people who have.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
Oh my. Where do I start? I have tried chiropractic, exercise, tea, stretching, extra sleep, less gluten, more vegetables, and a variety of other things. I have changed my shampoo and laundry detergent. Obviously, none of those things worked. Emotionally, talking and blogging about infertility have helped me the most. The more I share my story, the more people share theirs. SO many people have walked through infertility. Before I started sharing, I felt so isolated and alone, like no one else could understand. Now, I know many people who can. Spiritually, the best things I have done is keep a prayer journal and just keep reading Scripture. Journaling my prayers keeps me focused and helps me get my thoughts down. Looking back at old entries has been a blessing. Actually, when I started the blog, many of my posts were adapted prayer journal entries. The Bible is full of encouragement for suffering people, including several who dealt with infertility.
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
Unfortunately, my lowest point was probably when my sister-in-law and her husband announced their pregnancy. I hate that happy news can cause grief, envy, and a plethora of other bad feelings. As much as I wanted to be thrilled for them, the news really knocked the wind out of me. I survived it by prayer journaling and crying. My husband took the news really hard, too, so we worked together to crawl out of the emotional hole we were in. Even though he was hurting, he was a great encouragement. We are in this together. I also clung to Psalm 126:5, which says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” Let me tell you, the tears have been sown. We trust God at His word that we will eventually reap joy.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
I think so. Joy in life really depends on perspective. If you focus on the blessings in your life, you are bound to be happier. If you focus on the sorrows, you are going to feel that everything is terrible. After learning that a young newlywed couple was pregnant, we felt pretty down. They told us that they were hoping to have five years of marriage before children. Later, we realized that we got their blessing, and they got ours. We hoped for children, but received five (now six) years of marriage without children. That experience was a reminder to look for blessings in disguise. Our marriage has been stretched and strengthened in ways it would not have been without infertility. I would say a stronger marriage is the silver lining.
Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?
Having a baby isn’t ultimate. Conceiving a child won’t fix everything. There will always be that next thing. As a child, life was incomplete without that one toy everyone else had. Then we got the toy…and promptly wanted something else. During high school, we thought everything would be perfect if we could just get to college already. As friends got married, we longed to be married, too. A child is that next thing. Don’t let it become that. If your hopes and dreams are all wrapped up in a child, you will be disappointed whether you have one or not. Pregnancy might be less fun than anticipated, motherhood might be just plain hard. As difficult as it is, let’s try to be content in our current phase (trust me, I’m not there yet either). Enjoy this time with just you and your spouse.
Many thanks to Davy for sharing her story with us. Please leave a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and consider pinning this image so others can find her story. You can see all my previous interviews here.
