I’ll just put it out there: I’ve gained 15 pounds and 2 pants sizes in the last 6 months. And all the weight has gone to my lower half.
It’s all due to a combination of fertility drugs, not being able to exercise during treatment cycles, poor eating habits, and not feeling motivated to exercise during non-treatment cycles.
Since the weight gain, my wardrobe options for bottoms are pretty slim. I have one pair of jeans that still fits comfortably and one pair of black trousers. That’s it. (Sweatpants and yoga pants don’t count). Luckily, I live in an area with cool summers so I don’t have to worry too much about shorts.
I have rarely bought clothes in the last two years because I’ve always been hoping that I’ll get pregnant “next month” or “next cycle.” I don’t want to spend money we need for treatments to buy clothes I hopefully won’t be able to wear soon. But now it’s getting ridiculous.
I’ve also been putting off buying shoes because I know your feet often change size during pregnancy. But I’m down to one pair of Converse (with bleach stains), one pair of sandals, and a pair of ballet flats.
I think I just need to bite the bullet and buy some clothes. But it almost feels like giving up on needing maternity clothes / getting pregnant.
It’s not really the weight that bothers me. I’m still happy with how my body looks. My husband says I even look better.
It’s the lack of clothes that fit properly. I feel FRUMPY. I don’t need a lot of clothes. I have a very small closet, and I just don’t think it’s necessary to have a lot of clothes. But I need some clothes that FIT.
So I have a gift card for Ann Taylor Loft that I’ve been holding onto since Christmas. I’ve decided I’m going to the mall this week and I’m going to spend it. Even if I buy just one thing, I think it will go a long way to make me feel a little better.
Have you gained weight during infertility treatments? Have you put off buying clothes? Please share your experiences in the comments below.
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I’ve been there with the no clothes issues. Finally, I had to give in and buy some. Focus on jersey dresses, draping tops, etc. that will grow a little with you and will last you 3-5 months into pregnancy. Sometimes it’s the little things in life the infertility effects that can be the most emotional and frustrating. Hang in there!
Good advice, Lara. Jersey dresses and draping tops it is!
We dealt with infertility for almost 7 years, and I feel like I was constantly in this limbo period. Always holding onto gift cards so I could spend them on maternity clothes, avoiding planning things in advance that couldn’t be done while pregnant, etc. Last year, I didn’t sign up for my employers FSA account, because we had just started doing IUIs and I figured I would get pregnant and then my insurance would cover all medical expenses. I really wish I had signed up for it then, because we had a lot of fertility expenses last year. Of course, this year, I did sign up for it, and then I got pregnant almost immediately afterward. Such is life.
As far as clothes go, you will need bigger clothes for the first few months of pregnancy, as well as after you have the baby. And you will probably not easily lose the weight afterward, so I don’t think your new wardrobe will go to waste. Or you could switch over to more to dresses/leggings, which I’m finding is pretty much the most comfortable thing ever to wear in the first trimester. I haven’t done the second or third trimester or postpartum thing, so I’m not sure about that 🙂
Thanks, Rebecca. I’m definitely going to be looking for dresses and leggings.
I am right there with you. Between treatment cycles, surgery, ectopic, depression, etc I have shamefully gained around 50 lbs in the past year :(. I kept putting off buying new clothes for the same reasons, but recently I have bargained with myself. I’ve been buying some nice secondhand items off of local buy/sell/trade groups on FB and consignment shops. Especially since I am hoping to lose some weight and/or be pregnant in the coming months. It makes me feel better right now, AND I’m not “wasting” money on clothes that won’t fit for very long.
Secondhand clothing is a great idea, Angela. I belong to a local Facebook group where you can sell and swap secondhand items. I should look for some clothes that would work.
I could have written this EXACT article. I was up 20 pounds from my wedding weight right before IVF, and 15 of that was from my first miscarriage on. I’ve spent the last three years not buying clothes. At first is was because I just knew I’d be pregnant soon and would need ALL the cute maternity clothes, so I could stick it out just a few more months. But once we got deep in treatment the secondary reason was our budget… and that quickly became the primary reason. I just felt SO guilty about purchasing ANYTHING that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Thankfully, my mom’s love language is shopping so I wasn’t wearing holey underwear or anything… my pitiful husband on the other hand. : ) I’m serious when I say I wouldn’t buy ANYTHING.
The positive thing was that we saved A LOT of money because of our really strict budget. It’s also interesting to note that even now that we’re spending a little more (house stuff) I feel incredibly guilty about spending money. Living that long on so little has really made me view money very differently. However, I’ve needed to lighten up a bit lately because it’s become abundantly obvious that 1-I won’t be pregnant next month and 2-I’m not going to lose the weight (hello, pity ice cream). I find that buying things that A- make me feel good about my current size AND B- are on sale, typically alleviates most of the guilt. There are some GREAT sales out there, so it’s a good time to give yourself a treat!
Yes, I feel so guilty about anything “fun” that I buy. I look at every purchase now in terms of IVF. “Those pair of shoes would pay for 1/4 box of Follistim!” “Those jeans cost as much as one Crinone application!” It’s a little ridiculous. I will definitely pay attention to sales.
Have I ever!!! I did 5 iuis and gained about 50 lbs. Then another 10 throughtout a horrific depression. I could have lost the weight because it would fall off between cycles but I didn’t have a great diet at that time.
Before starting ivf I lost 65lbs and I was happy with how I looked. I used to say the same thing you said to yourself. I wasn’t going to buy clothes but this time, I was over treatments and just wanted to feel good about myself. I bought my first pair of skinny jeans and a slew of other clothing.
I hadn’t even decided that ivf would be in the card for us because we were carrying so much weight financially. About 6 months after buying a full new wardrobe I was cycling and got pregnant. After IVF most of my pants didn’t fit and my tops were tight because of what the stims and progesterone do to your boobs.
I sometimes hate that I bought cloths but those were the best months of my life. I felt great, sexy, and like a new me. I wish I hadn’t waited so long. I suppose it’s something to aim for when I am ready to lose weight.
I love your attitude that now you have a super-cute wardrobe for when you’re ready to lose weight after you deliver.
Mmm hmm. Since going off of birth control, between hormone changes and eating terribly because I’m saaaaaad, I’ve put on about 20 lbs. I work at a Bible Camp, so my wardrobe consisted of camp t-shirts and jeans that didn’t fit. I hit an Old Navy sale and got two pairs of jeans that actually do fit- it was a huge, miraculous difference in the way I see myself.
We also have a great Goodwill in town- I’ve started buying some things there. It makes me feel better to know that if we do get pregnant, I’ll have only spent $3 on that top that no longer fits. Feeling better about myself is worth $3.
Our Goodwill is a little scary, so I probably won’t go there, but there are some other secondhand stores around that aren’t so sketchy! You’re right that feeling better about myself is worth a few bucks.
I’m so glad you wrote about this, Lisa. No one ever does! I gained about 16-18 lbs over 2 years, since my first miscarriage. Hormones, lack of being able to get into a good workout routine b/c of life being lived in 2 weeks cycles…all of the things you mentioned. I can still ‘fit’ into my old clothes, but they are VERY tight and not always flattering any more. I’ve gotten a few new pieces here or there, and the rest I just suffer through wearing. I have in my head that I don’t want to buy the next size bigger! I don’t love how I look (I def. liked 15 lbs less better) – but I’m probably a size 8 now instead of a 6. Not the end of the world, but it feels big to me. This only adds to the IF depression for me! Ugh. Someday, this will be all retrospect for us!
Yes, someday it will all be just part of the story of our past. So sorry you’re going through this, too! Hugs.
Oh my goodness I can totally relate to this. I gained about 18 lbs from last Sept-Feb from fertility meds, stress eating, and not being able to exercise bc of fertility treatments/surgery recovery/working a million hours a week. Even though I have been working out really hard and eating very clean (other than the month I was dealing with a family emergency), the weight just wont come off. Its like this infertility weight just STICKS or something. I hate that my clothes aren’t fitting how they should and the thought of buying bigger ones (not maternity related) makes me so freaking sad! UG im so sorry you are dealing with this too! Its the worst.
Sara, so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this, too. Hang in there, girl!
booo always a touchy topic – I can’t relate since I haven’t done treatments, but don’t be too hard on yourself – give your self grace! I try not to focus on my weight, but instead try to be healthy (work out every day and eat crazy healthy food) 🙂
Absolutely. I’m working on trying to eat healthier. I’m super-picky, but it’s something I need to improve on.
I can relate to the limbo period. I feel like I didn’t buy clothes for about three years because pregnancy was just around the corner. Or so I thought. Now that we are starting the adoption process, I am trying to be more intentional about buying clothes for my body as it is now. It’s tough to retrain your brain!
It is! I guess we just do it bit by bit.
I haven’t gained any weight (but i haven’t started official treatments yet) but I have had moments where I’ve struggled with making decisions about new purchases. I would save clothes that I thought might work as “maternity” and I wonder after these couple years if its worth saving!
Yes, it’s tough to make purchases- especially if money is tight. I hope your upcoming treatments go well!
I have gained 20-30 pounds over 2 years of varying IF treatments and after being ‘forced’ to stop hot yoga which I loved. It is so hard, and this year I finally had to bite the bullet and buy some more tops. However, they are mostly in the ‘drapey’ quality, but that’s mostly because I feel totally fat now. 🙂
So sorry you had to stop hot yoga! I feel like I need to take it up now while we’re not doing treatments. It intimidates me!
Yes, and yes! I’m glad you’re treating yourself.
Thanks, Megan. Hope you’re able to do the same for yourself.
Oh, I hear you! I put on about 20 pounds within a year of infertility treatments. It’s so hard because we want to be gaining some weight, but not at all for those reasons! I coped by breaking down one day and buying some cheap work pants – they weren’t the quality I would have liked but definitely looked better then that too-small versions I was wearing, and I didn’t want to spend much money on them because I was still hopeful that I wouldn’t have to wear them for long (either lose the weight or switch over to maternity pants). It did actually make me feel better on a day-to-day basis to be able to feel comfortable in my clothes.
So glad you were able to find a compromise and buy something that fits but wasn’t too pricey.
I was more the opposite. I decided I couldn’t focus all my time and energy on the “ifs” and worry every minute of my life about getting or not getting pregnant. Instead, I figured I was going through an emotionally tough time, so I needed to be good to myself. I didn’t go hog-wild crazy, but if I saw something I liked and I thought it would look good on me, and make me feel better, I bought it and enjoyed it. What you’re going through is stressful enough, don’t make yourself have to feel frumpy and dumpy too. And there are a lot of things you can do to get rid of that dumpy feeling without spending a ton. A little makeup, some cheap accessories, fluff up the hair a bit, just that by itself can give your spirits a noticeable lift. And take lots of walks – just the fresh air will do wonders even if you don’t end up losing weight. The good news is that mine had a happy ending. My son is 16 now and driving me crazy! He lost both his cell phone and a $50 bill in the same day – luckily he found BOTH! Thank the Lord for honest people! #SITSSharefest
Thanks, Adrian. Stories like yours give me hope. I did just cut my hair short again, and that helps me feel less frumpy!
Been there…am there. I gained 50 lbs. over the course of 3 years for all the reasons you mentioned and then became so depressed I stopped eating and lost 30 of them, Now it’s on the climb again and I’m having such a hard time getting focused and taking good care of my body because treatment is so stressful. Go shopping! Retail therapy helps.
So sorry to hear you’ve been struggling, too. I hope you’re able to figure out ways to care for yourself during treatment.
Thank you so much for being transparent and sharing your journey. I struggle with hoping every month “maybe this will be the month” and then the month passes by with no positive test. So frustrating, yet I am seeing God shaping my character through all of this… just praying like crazy and hanging on to hope.
Yes, God is definitely shaping my character during this, too. Wishing you all the best.
Yes! I’m in the last week of a cycle adm I swear I’ve gained five kilos. It’s the drugs, the pauses in exercise, the emotional eating – sigh. Winter doesn’t help either 🙁
It’s not winter yet here, but it’s coming! I’m hoping to get myself on track before then. Wishing you the best. Hugs.
Great blog, Lisita. It reads like a diary entry. I admire you for being so transparent. I don’t think I could. Take care of yourself, my friend. It is gonna sound melodramatic, but this is the reason you need to spoil yourself right now (not just buy a few practical things). If you should die tomorrow…would you be able to say you lived it up everyday? I love that you took a no baby moon, for that very same reason. I feel like the frumpy feeling is adding insult to injury, and you deserve to feel whole and beautiful because you are! Just because your journey is tough on you, doesn’t mean you have to be tough on you. Don’t punish yourself by feeling unattractive. And even if there’s no money, I’m sure your husband would still encourage you to feel (or at least “look” because the emotions are up and down) your best. Un abrazo xxx
Your comment made my days, Mirms. My husband definitely encourages me to buy clothes and to treat myself. I’m the penny-pincher of the family, so I’m the one who struggles with feeling guilty for spending money. This is why you need to move back here so you can take me shopping and make me buy stuff! 🙂
I understand! I felt the same way. But you do need to feel good about yourself and I know for me, a couple of new pieces to my wardrobe do wonders for myself esteem. 🙂 Hang in there sweet lady!!! I always appreciate you sharing your heart at the Saturday Soiree Blog Party!