Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m interviewing Renee from Infertility U Suck (I love the blog name)! She talks about her experience with miscarriage and chemical pregnancies.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Renee and I am originally from New Jersey but moved to Pennsylvania about 3 years ago but will always be from New Jersey:). I live with my husband, two stepdaughters and our dog Otto. I am a 2nd grade teacher and have been teaching for about 17 years. I just recently started my own blog and it has really helped me process a lot of what I am feeling. I love to write, cook, shop, decorate my house and spend time with family and friends.
Q. How long have you been TTC and what issues are you facing?
We have been TTC for a little over 2 1/2 years. I was able to get pregnant on my own pretty quickly but had 2 early miscarriages before going to see a fertility specialist. I have low AMH and was diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve. We did one round of Clomid with IUI and no luck, then did a round of Menopur with IUI and no luck. Then we took a break last summer and I actually got pregnant on my own twice but they were both chemical pregnancies. My doctor at that point recommended IVF with chromosomal embryo screening as he felt poor egg quality was the reason for the miscarriages. So we were set to do IVF in January but my insurance requires you to do 3 rounds of something before IVF, so we did another round of Menopur with IUI and got lucky but unfortunately that ended at 8 weeks due to chromosomal abnormalities:(
So right now we are in that well what do we do now stage? I have been through so much physically and emotionally in the last 2 years and I honestly don’t know if I have it in me to do IVF. We are trying to take time to grieve and heal before we figure out what the next step for us will be.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
A student of mine gave me a book last year titled “God Always Has a Plan B”. His family is very religious but knew nothing of my situation so it was kind of odd that they would have given me this book. However earlier that morning I was asking for a “sign” and I believe this was it. It is a book with inspirational stories of people struggling with all sorts of issues. I have it on my bedside to remind me that there is a plan for me and I just have to have faith and trust in that plan.
I also found Tracy’s blog, Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen, which is where I found your blog. Reading about other people’s stories has really helped encourage me as well.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
My husband is very laid back and I am not…at least not when it comes to infertility. He also has two children from his previous marriage so he is in a different place with all of this than I am. He would love more children but if it doesn’t happen he would be ok with that too. I find that he gets upset about things at the time, like when we had our losses or failed cycles and then he moves on more quickly where I tend to hold onto it for longer.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I have started seeing an acupuncturist for about 2 months now and while I am not sure it is doing anything for my ovaries or not, it certainly is very relaxing. I do feel much better after my sessions and I feel like I am at least doing something. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in grief and infertility who has been wonderful in helping me process everything and grieve my losses. I also found a great support group through RESOLVE that meets once a month. I have a few friends who have gone through similar struggles and it really helps talking to them. I have been exercising on a regular basis and trying to eat healthier too which has helped a lot too.
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
My lowest point was probably after our 2nd failed IUI cycle last June. I don’t think I really allowed myself time to grieve my first 2 losses earlier that year before moving on to the crazy fertility train and it really caught up to me. I just remember feeling so lost and defeated. My husband at that point didn’t want to do anymore treatments because of how it was effecting me and he was worried about me. I was worried too but felt like time was really not on my side to be waiting around doing nothing. My doctor also encouraged me to take a break. We took a few months off and it really helped me regain my strength. I finally started to feel more like myself again and was able to get some perspective on what we should do next.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
I would say that the silver lining in all of this is that it has definitely made my relationship with my husband much stronger. I think we are much closer as a couple going through these difficult times and have learned to communicate better and make decisions together. I have also connected with some really great women who have had similar struggles so through that I have made some good new friends.
Renee’s dog, Otto
Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?
I would say that you really have to make sure that you take care of yourself and remember that you have a life outside of infertility that you can’t forget about. It is so easy to get caught up in it all and having a baby becomes your only focus. Try to continue to do the things you used to do and remember the things that brought you joy before you started TTC. It is a tough road to travel but have faith that you will get “there” even if it might look a little different than you originally planned.
Many thanks for Renee for sharing her experience with miscarriage and chemical pregnancies. Please leave a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and please consider pinning this image so others can find her story. You can read all my other interviews here.
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