Well, our IVF cycle was a bust. We got our negative beta yesterday.
The morning got off to a rough start, as the on-call phlebotomist the clinic hired was late. (Since our clinic does everyone’s IVF at the same time, everyone also has their betas on the same few days). We were the first couple to arrive, and the waiting room had filled with three other couples by the time we were called in for our turn.
While we waited, a couple walked in with their 3-year old son. I know he was 3, because the mom promptly announced it to another couple who was waiting. I guess she knew the other couple, because she loudly exclaims, “Oh, this is your third blood test! Congratulations!” (A third beta means you got a positive second one). Then she asks, “So, do you want a boy or a girl? It will be an April baby!”
My husband and I are looking incredulously at each other whole time, like, Could this woman be any more insensitive?
When we were finally called back for our turn, the nurse couldn’t look us in the eye, so I immediately knew it was bad news. I asked for the results of the first beta and broke down in the chair when she told me. I felt bad for the poor phlebotomist who had to draw blood as I was sitting there sobbing and shaking.
Our RE wasn’t there, so I’m going to call tomorrow and request an follow-up appointment just to talk about what went wrong.
We’re going to have to take at least a 6-month break before we try another cycle. I’d be willing to do a FET, but that’s not an option since none of our embryos made it to freeze this time. We’ve already paid for one more cycle, but hubby is a high school football coach (in addition to being an English teacher) and starts working 80-hour weeks next month through December. It’s a very stressful time and another IVF cycle during this time would be incredibly difficult logistically and emotionally.
I’m very disappointed for yet another failed cycle, and for the wait we’re going to have to endure to try again. I mean, we transferred 3! I thought for sure at least once would stick.
So now we’re just praying for God’s guidance- we really need him to be clear as to what we should do. Please pray for peace, comfort, and a sense of purpose for us. I’m very much dreading the next few months. My hubby has football to distract him, but football season is very difficult for me even without this disappointment. Also, please pray for my physical well-being. I’ve had pretty intense hormone withdrawals after the other failed cycles so I’m not expecting anything different this time.
Thanks for all the love and support. My heart goes out to anyone else who received bad news this weekend.
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I am so, so sorry to hear this. Such an emotional and heartbreaking time. You are in my prayers.
I hate this Lisa! What a hard day. I am so sorry. I am trusting that God’s delays are not His denials. He is near to you as you grieve today and the weeks ahead. Hugs!
I really hate to hear this 🙁 I don’t have any idea what you are going through but I can only imagine how you must feel right now. Praying for you in the weeks ahead for sure!
I’m so sorry Lisa! I just prayed for you and am hoping you can get some space the next few days and time to process.
Yesterday at church, friends of ours came in with their 3 DAY OLD baby and sat directly beside us. And they know that we are struggling with infertility…and I politely excused myself and sat in the car and cried the rest of the service.
I hope that you can be surrounded by understanding and sensitive people this week!!!
I am so incredibly sorry to hear that round 3 was not a success. You and your husband will be in my thoughts. Sending warm wishes your way.
Oh I’m so so sorry! I was really hoping this would be it for you. We’ll all be here for you through this heartbreak and the upcoming football season! Hugs and prayers!
My heart goes out to you. I empathize with you. Praying too, that God would hold you both close and to help you breathe again.
Love in Christ,
Lesli
Lisa, I am completely crushed for you. My heart aches so terribly for all you are dealing w and your next months ahead. I so wish I could get inside the mind of god and understand and explain all of this. It seems so senseless even though we know god isn’t like that. I’m praying for you daily, Lisa. I am so sad and sorry you have to walk this road again. So much love and prayers. I know god had you in the palm of his hand. Xoxo
Oh Lisa! I’m so sorry! I’m sure you had SUCH high hoped when you had such good numbers at retrieval. It just doesn’t make any sense how a woman your age could end up here… it sucks! And I know there are just no words for the pain you feel today. Know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you the best during this down time. I know the inactive seasons are the hardest for me! I’m here if you need anything!
I am so sorry and I am praying for you and your husband.
I’m so sorry for your news. I had a bfn last week too. I’m going to take a tap dance class for something fun. Maybe you could find something fun and different during football. Manga in there everything happens in time.
I’m so, so sorry. You are in my thoughts.
I am is sorry:( I know it just plain sucks! Try to be good to yourself over the next few weeks and months. Trust that God has a plan for you. ((Hugs))
I’m so, so sorry to see this. I hope your RE has some answers for you and that you can soon find peace and a renewed sense of hope. Thinking and praying for you. <3
Lisa, I am so sorry to read the news. I am thinking of you both, sending lots of love, strength and prayers. Oh the stories from my tiny ultrasound room, it is insane the insensitivity and so much worse when we’re all hopped up on hormones. I love you and wish I could give you a hug! J
Oh, Lisa! I write this through tears. I wish I knew what to say….wish I had magic words that would soothe and heal your bleeding heart. Only Jesus can reach those deep-down places in the human heart…so far beneath the surface. That is what I am trusting Him to do for you as you walk these lonely 6 months ahead…how thankful I am that He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us…no matter what we are going through. You will never walk alone, my friend. I call out your name to Him in prayer every, single day. So thankful prayer is a long-range weapon. Please know that you are valued…you are appreciated…you are loved. God bless you and hold you extra close.
I am so so sorry to hear this! I will be praying for you and your husband. I hope you doc can give you some answers soon… and just know that God will guide you to the right path…
I am so so sorry Lisa =(
I’m so sorry — not only for the negative but for the experience getting the results.
Oh Lisa, I’m just so sorry. I know there isn’t much anyone can really say except that we are here for you both. Sending you light and love.
*hugs* Certainly praying for you.
I’m waiting on a call back for the doc about my MRI results to see if we’re going to do surgery from some fibroids that developed. It’s been a comedy of errors and I don’t even know if the doc has looked at the MRI films I took her, or if she’s gotten the radiologist report.
I pray God gives you strength during this time.
I am so sorry about this cycle. I hope you can find peace and comfort. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a big hug!
I’m so sorry, Lisa. For the BFN and the insensitive lady and for the pain that I know you’re feeling right now. I hope that God directs you and gives you the peace you are seeking during this difficult time of regrouping. Hugs my friend!
I was shocked to read this post this morning while on my morning walk. I didn’t have the words to say then and I can’t seem to find the right ones to say now. I am trusting and believing that God has a special child waiting for you and He is waiting for the right moment to bring him or her into this world because He has a special purpose and assignment for them…and for you. I pray that His peace surrounds you and know that I’m still praying for you.
God will fulfill His promises of healing and fruitfulness to you. Never give up. Never stop believing. Love ya girl! xo
waitingforbabybird.com
It’s so unfair. So terrible and heartbreaking and unfair. You do so much to hear up for this… I’m so sorry. Wishing you so much love and healing. The hormone insanity is rough so I hope you have the time to take care of yourself. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Praying for you and your Husband!
Hi Lisa,
I’m so sorry to read about this. We are also dealing with infertility, but we first need to work on getting DH’s anxiety under control first before we can even consider IVF. I know in my gut that IVF is the only way to go for us.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Tears. This is crushing news. I love you. I talk to God everyday on your behalf and will always continue to do so. Sometimes I beg and cry for you and sometimes I get to rejoice in the wonderful person I get to call my buddy pal who daily lands in my prayers.
Thank you all so much for your support. I deeply appreciate each and every comment here. I’ve been overwhelmed at all the love and encouragement I’ve received during this rough time. Hugs and blessings to all of you!
Yikes. Our RE clinic had a strict no-children policy for just this reason.
Yeah, our clinic actually does have a policy. But there was only one staff member present that day and she was in the back helping other patients. I don’t think she realized there was a child in the waiting room.
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry. Thinking about you and praying for you and your husband. Hope you are practicing some serious self-care!
Thanks, Becky!
I am so sorry, Lisa! It’s frustrating and I HATE that you have to go through another fresh cycle! I hope that the next 6 months go by quickly! I will pray that a miracle happens between now and then. 😉
Thank you, Stephanie!
This post totally pulled on my heart. We did the exact same thing as you. After tons of failed IUIs a miscarriage after first IVF, failed FET #1, we transferred 3 on IVF #2. I was in the same spot-I didn’t want triplets but would take it over nothing. I got pregnant with triplets, saw all 3 heartbeats 3 times before I miscarried one. I’m sure you’ve seen my story but I ended up losing the other 2 due to my cervix at 18 and then 21 weeks. It was a nightmare. But it’s so frustrating too to transfer 3 and have none stick. I can connect with that 🙁 I am so proud of you for your faith and endurance <3 Keep fighting.
Holly, thanks so much for the comment. I’ve been following your story and my heart just breaks for you. It means a lot for you to say you’re proud of me. I think all of us in the IF blogging community are proud of you, too, and are hoping for good things for you in the future. xx