Today’s post is a guest post from Amanda Hope Haley, author of Barren Among the Fruitful. Her new book was just released. You can read my review of it here.
I’ll never forget the first appointment David and I had at a fertility clinic. We walked up to the entrance – ten-foot-tall double doors with a massive wooden overhang and a sign screaming (to us), “Enter here, all ye who are barren!” We felt the despair that permeated the place. We spent two hours in the doctor’s office, though we only spent about ten minutes with her. In those ten minutes she told us our problems were common and gave us some copy-machine literature; then left with a list of dates we had to return to the click for ultrasounds, injections, and intrauterine insemination.
The first question I was asked at every visit to the fertility clinic was, “How old are you?” As long as I said I was in my twenties, I received a smile and a pat on the knee from the nurse. The implication was that there was nothing to worry about; the fertility clinic could help. Once I hit thirty, no nurse ever smiled again. Without words (and sometimes with them), they accused me of waiting too long to get pregnant and wouldn’t make any promises about the clinic’s ability to help such an “old” woman.
(Excerpt from “Barren Among the Fruitful” by Amanda Hope Haley)
Unfortunately, the insensitivity and cookie cutter care given at infertility clinics today is something far too familiar to women. It’s also a big reason 23% of fertility patients stop treatment too early due to emotional distress.
What I can humbly offer as God’s answer for David and I, and what may be for you, is to find a new doctor. Find a place you will feel cared for and someone who will listen to you without running from room to room. Even after seven years, I know having a child is not God’s plan for us, but I don’t regret switching to a doctor who helped us have a better experience throughout this journey.
As easy as it is to say, “brush it off”, it’s hard to actually accomplish. It was easier for me to cry in my car than to smile and nod my head. However, you can’t let others’ callousness wear you down. Treatments and doctors appointments are stressful, trying to have a baby is stressful, and stress reduces an already-infertile couple’s ability to conceive.
It’s easy to mourn, and yes it is okay to be there for a small amount of time. But you must always remember, God is bigger than your pain. He hasn’t explained to you why you are suffering, and maybe that’s because He wants you to focus on the bigger picture. Have confidence in the truth of who He is, he is your number-one supporter, He is the only “coping mechanism” that can move you beyond a life of survival to one of growth. Allow God to teach and to comfort you.
Amanda Hope Haley is a servant with a smile for everyone and a love for people. She loves cooking, crafting, and party planning, and she enjoys traveling to new places and spoiling her godsons, Elijah and Jack. Amanda and her husband David recently moved to Denver, Colorado, and look forward to new friends and new adventures out West. She is the author of Barren Among the Fruitful: Navigating Through Infertility with Hope, Wisdom, and Patience.
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