Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week, I’m chatting with Lerissa from Our Nesting Project. She shares her male infertility and PCOS story. Enjoy!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
I’m Lerissa (24) & my husband Garrett (28) are a married couple, homeowners, and church-goers who love our two mutt puppies, Kody and Max. He’s a video gamer and outdoor sport enthusiast while I’m more of a gardening and painting type. We got married in the beautiful Esmeralda Inn in Chimney Rock, North Carolina. We always knew we wanted a family together and strove to align our life so that when pregnancy happened we would be successful.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
We have been trying to conceive since 2008, so about 6 years now. [We’re dealing with] male factor infertility, PCOS, and one closed fallopian tube. His male factor infertility almost went invisible until after they had me ovulating consistently with perfect scores all around and we still weren’t getting pregnant. His basic semen analysis came back fine but it’s suspected that he has issued with DNA fragmentation.
Q. You’ve been through a few failed and canceled treatments. What advice would you give to other women who are struggling to handle the disappointment of this?
Realize it’s 1) not your fault. 2) the basic semen analysis isn’t enough to determine if he’s “fine.” Be proactive and take the reins of your fertility. Also, don’t hide from your family and friends what you’re going through. Even though they won’t understand and may say the absolute wrong things in the absolute worst time, for us it was worth having the burden of hiding our struggles lifted off of our shoulders. We didn’t have to lie and our family had opportunities to diffuse some of the horrible holiday gatherings of “lets talk about when you’re having kids”. You owe it to yourself to talk about your fertility struggles as much as your 100th friend who got pregnant gets to talk about her unique nausea pregnancy symptom for the 1,000th time. You never know what you’ll find out from family or who else in your life has struggled as well. Get Support. Other people struggling or who have struggled with infertility will be your saving grace.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
My best encouragement is the women from my long-term TTC support groups. Just being able to open up and be understood has kept me fighting.
Q. You post your ovulation charts on your blog. What made you decide to be so transparent and share that information?
I share all of my information because I remember what it was like being new to TTC, new to being infertile, and not having enough people to relate to and compare with. So I put all of my information out there just to help that one woman struggling along side me. I am open because other women were open with me when I needed answers, hope, and understanding.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I opened up to my friends, and fellow parishioners about our struggle- particularly my struggles. Having other people know my goals has helped them help me where they can. I allow myself to be vulnerable because that’s when I can grow. I run every other day and attend the gym on days I don’t run. Drink tons of water & when water gets boring, I find more interesting water. I’m the girl at the grocery store buying the $4 bottle of water because why not?
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
The lowest part of my life would be 2010. It’s when I realized that it had been two years and nothing. We got several chemical pregnancies and no baby. It’s when we finally accepted that we may need help trying to conceive. I hated myself. I hated that I wanted kids. I hated my body. I got a dog. Its when I started crying in my sleep and waking up to understanding that I still wasn’t a mother and may never be. I’d wake up in tears thinking someone hurt my kids, but then I realized I never had any in the first place. I went from 120lbs to 175 that year. I stopped working out because I read somewhere that working out may hurt your chances. I bought an Ovacue fertility monitor. I stocked up on fertility herbals and did everything I could naturally to make this supposedly so easy thing happen for us.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
YES! One thing I appreciate infertility for is giving my husband and I the opportunity to bond on a deeper level that I KNOW we would have missed had we gotten pregnant quickly. It’s hard to explain until you’ve been infertile but we love each other deeper, and respect each other more whole-heartedly than we ever could have achieved. I notice the difference between us and “fertile” when they talk about each other and their kids, I know they love each other and their kids but the type of love I have for my husband after going through the ringer of infertility and the respect he demonstrates to me prior to us having kids is leagues different than our friends. I guess the best way to explain it is the difference between pre-marriage relationships and post-marriage relationships. There is a deeper something there. It’s just really hard to put it into words without accidentally making one sound boastful.
Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?
You don’t have to hide to spare someones feelings. Be you. You have the right to live a full life not in the shadows just as everyone else does.
Many thanks to Lerissa for sharing her PCOS story! Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and please consider pinning this image so others can find her story.
If you liked this interview, you can see all my previous interviews here.
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