Today’s post is a guest post from Tamara at Adoption Mama. I’m so grateful to her for sharing a little bit about her adoption story. Enjoy!
Did you know that November is National Adoption Month? And the 22nd is National Adoption DAY!? My favorite month of the year and my favorite season, too.
I would love to take this chance to tell you a little bit about myself and how my family came to choose adoption.
I am a wife of ten years and a mother of two boys that have a hold on my heart forever and always. Both of our boys we were blessed to adopt almost from birth. When I actually give that some thought it hurts a little to say “ALMOST from birth”. I never got pregnant, don’t have a labor story to share with other women, and the honest truth is that for me I can handle those feelings of loss. Why it hurts so much to say ALMOST from birth is because that means I missed a moment in my children’s lives. But most days that doesn’t come to mind…I push those thoughts away and just praise the Lord I have my arms full with two rambunctious boys that needed me just as much as I needed them.
I realize this blog is an infertility blog and that adoption may not be the road for you but I loved what Lisa said in a recent post. She said “I Share My Story Because It Gives My Pain a Purpose.”
I loved reading that because I started my blog with the same purpose: to use what I had gone through and make it mean something. During all the hurt, anxiety, frustration, tears and loneliness we feel as we wait to become mothers we need to cling to one word- a gift given to us from God- HOPE.
Hope – The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Near the end of my first year of marriage my husband and I decided we would start our family. Naively we jumped in thinking that when you decided on something you just make it happen. Wow, were we wrong. We quickly transitioned to beginning to find out what was wrong. As soon as we started doing all the tests we realized that modesty needed to be thrown out the window. It sucks that getting tested is not without embarrassment!
After jumping through many hoops we were given the news: I was fine; nothing is wrong. My husband, however, was not.
If we wanted to have children we would need to use a sperm donor. This was the crossroads in our family planning.
I had been molded by God to have a heart for adoption long before this moment. I LOVE that I can look back on my life and see God’s hand at work preparing me for the moment I would come to this crossroads. God KNEW! He knew where I would be decades later in life and prepared me for it. What a feeling of love that knowledge gives me.
My husband and I researched all our possibilities and the honest truth is that for him it would be incredibly hard to see me give birth to a child that would be a part of me and another man. I too felt the same and secretly knew that I didn’t have it in me to handle the journey of fertility treatments. All of you that have chosen to go that way- I commend you for your courage.
We barely hesitated at this crossroads as we both knew where God had been leading us. As crazy as this sounds we had actually had a conversation on our first date about adoption being something we both felt called to. We look back at our struggle to get pregnant and shrug it off now. We like to say that God knew if we had birthed even one child we would get lazy, caught up in life and fail to follow his plan for our lives. So by stopping us from birthing any children we never had the opportunity to get lost in life. Instead we ran towards adoption with eager anticipation.
This was God’s plan for us. I knew this then and I know this now.
That doesn’t mean it was an easy road. We waited over two years before we held our first son in our arms. It was painful- stretching us and growing our faith through it all. I did have a time in those two years where I was very angry at God. Why would he put the calling of adoption on my heart and then make me suffer while we waited? Why did I have to see my friends get pregnant according to their own family planning? Why did I have to see them have their SECOND child while I was still waiting for my first?
I don’t fully know why; I may never know. But I clung to hope, to God’s hope. And let me assure you…if you are angry at God he can take it.
Let him know. Go to him in prayer and tell him how you feel. Cry out to God! Just don’t shut him out. God will not leave you. Even when you feel he is silent, he hears you. He loves you and he has a plan for your life. His plan is more spectacular than you can imagine. Later in life you may be able to look back and see the beauty of his plan. He hears you. He loves you. Have Hope!
I can now look back all the way to when I was ten years old and see God molding me towards adoption. How blessed I am to be a mother of two amazing boys that I can see were created to fit perfectly within our family.
If you wish to read more about our road to adoption I write often about our personal adoption journey on my blog. I hope it can encourage and inspire you just as Lisa has done. 🙂
So no matter what motherhood journey you are on:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”- Romans 15:13
