Lesli’s Infertility Story

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. Today I’m honored to be interview Lesli Westfall.  Lesli’s website, Dancing Upon Barren Land (DUBL), was one of the first Christian infertility online resources I discovered when I realized we were going to have trouble conceiving. I recently had the opportunity to talk with her on the phone, and I can tell you that she is as delightful and genuine as they come.  Enjoy her interview!

Q. Tell us a little about yourself.

For starters, I’m happily married to Larry for 25 years now, my college sweetheart. My marriage was a pre-natal arrangement (j/k). Yes, I’m that old, I’ll turn 50 next month. {smiles} I’m loving and living life fully with longing in my heart to still conceive, but without the hurt of infertility.

This is what I do: I lead a non-profit organization, a Christian online ministry for those hurting through infertility, called Dancing Upon Barren Land – Spiritual Nourishment for the Infertility. I lead, with a few volunteers, and help to oversee three Christian infertility support groups for women in the Houston, Texas area called HOPE – Hearts Of Promise & Expectation for Women. I work part-time as a manager at Ronald McDonald House-Houston and own a business teaching cooking and etiquette classes to children. I’m an author and speaker at infertility and adoption conferences. I consult with other churches on how they can start support groups as well. I’m the keeper of my sometimes clean, yet messy home and try to keep up with my husband’s crazy schedule too.

This is my heart: My husband, my home- especially decorating my home. I’m passionate about cooking and eating, gardening and traveling too. My diet is dark chocolate, water and Jesus (not necessarily in that order). I love to write a devotional here and there. Most of all, my heart is for God, women and His Word. I LOVE teaching, praying, inspiring and loving those who are hurting through infertility or loss. Helping women in general, finding God and helping them walk alongside them in the midst of their pain. 

Q. How long did you TTC and what issues were you facing?

My story, just like all of our stories, is unique. But here’s the short version of it:

When we first married our focus was saving money to pay cash for a house (yeah, right?) and building a career. But in time a void crept into my heart. It was through a Mother’s Day church service God put the desire in my heart to become a mother. Truly, the touch from Him fulfilled the void within my heart. I thought I’d get pregnant easily, but I did not. I was naive to the fact of seeking diagnostic testing for the cause of not becoming pregnant. (My advice: don’t wait). Finally through a friend’s prompting I did. It was discovered I had endometriosis, fibroids and hormonal balances. I had surgery and medicines to correct the issues. Still, no pregnancy. I sought another fertility specialist because the one I previously had was berating and demeaning our choice to not rush into further extensive fertility treatments. It was with this new doctor that we went through two rounds of IUI, both unsuccessful and resulting in no pregnancy. Her shattering words, “I’m sorry there’s no hope for you to conceive,” left me in pieces on the floor. (At that time I was age 43). So, I’ve been TTC for over 17 years, but I’m still trying. I consider myself in the “Sarah-Elizabeth” phase for asking and believing for a child {smiles}. I will never give up. I always tell my gals in the support groups, “I ain’t pickled yet!”

Q. You’ve started a non-profit, Dancing Upon Barren Land. Tell us a little about your ministry and how it came about.

The name ‘Dancing Upon Barren Land’ had been in my heart for a long time. During my TTC I kept a journal recording all the disappointment, anger, denial, jealousy, you name it, and I recorded how God was faithful to meet me in those dark, lonely places. I always felt like I’d do something with all of that, but didn’t know what. But God had a plan.

Dancing Upon Barren Land – Spiritual Nourishment for the Infertility Road began from a point of pain. I was hurting from the deep, grieving pain of receiving the doctor’s report, but not long after that — God in His infinite grace and love, in one night, healed me from the grief of infertility. The next day something came alive in me! A DETERMINATION to reach out to other women hurting just like myself. I was already leading the Christian infertility support group at my church (that’s another story in and of itself) and that very night some friends asked, “How is your support group going?” I said, “It’s going well, but I have this desire to reach out to more women/couples who are hurting.” They said, “We want to help get you started and support you.” That night I was given $3,000 to began the online ministry of Dancing Upon Barren Land. We have been established as a non-profit 501(c)3 for five years now. Our mission is to help those hurting through the grief of infertility and sorrow from loss providing a place for connection, community and resources too.

God has turned my pain into one of my greatest purposes in life. I know longer look up and wonder, “Why, God? I don’t understand!” Nor do I look down and see my arms empty with a heart full of grief. My life is very full, enjoyable and satisfying.

Q. What’s been the most challenging part of running your ministry?

Wow! Where do I begin? As with any organization, business, or ministry, there are always challenges. When you’re first starting out you are a novice; you don’t know what the heck you are doing. It’s a “learn-as-you-go” type thing. Then, like DUBL, it has grown. With the growing pains comes the need for resources, not only in dollars (yes, it takes money to run a ministry/non-profit), but in human bodies — people to volunteer their time and talent in helping a worthy cause. Apart from a few volunteers at the support group meetings, it is just me. So trying to keep up with what is relevant in the infertility world, social media, blog content, reaching out to others, etc., can be extremely challenging.

Also, one of the challenges is I fight ‘myself’. I, just like any woman reading this, compare myself with others. I can compare myself with other IF bloggers/organizations and I fight wondering where my voice is in this IF community too, as I no longer am seeking fertility treatments or adoption. But then God brings me back to center, reminding me how He has healed me from that deep, hurtful pain. He has given me a compassion for others and a gift in writing and speaking to relate His love to others.

When I receive an email or read a woman’s prayer request it’s hard for me to give a hug. I want to hug every woman who feels all alone or isolated. You can’t do that through the computer. But I also need a hug too. On this end, being a leader in ministry I feel like I’m forging through the barren land by myself. I know that’s not the case, but I feel like it at times.

Q. What’s been the best part about your ministry?

As a young believer in Christ I always had a passionate desire to be an influence for Him. Coming through (and still walking through) infertility has given me that opportunity. Never in my wildest dreams would I’ve ever thought He would use infertility to do so. My gifts and talents have come out in full through these very hard times in order to help others know His love and compassion for them.

But bar-none, what I call “holding answered prayer” is the biggie. There’s nothing like holding a newborn babe or newly adopted child in my arms after a woman’s been told there is “no hope for her to conceive,” or she and her spouse were without funds to adopt their first born. I hold the babies close and my heart is so full and the tears begin to flow. I feel God’s love and am reminded of His faithfulness to us, His daughters. To date, there have been close to 70 babies/children born or adopted into families that were told “there’s no hope.” Praise Him!

Q. Dancing Upon Barren Land is an encouraging resource for so many people struggling with infertility. Which websites, books, songs, poems, etc. encourage you?

Oh my! There’s a bunch. Most of the resources on my website I read when we were actively seeking medical attention for our struggles. I’m sure there are much more Christian resources out there now I don’t know about. I would love referrals actually!

My favorite book was Hannah’s Hope, which you just mentioned on your blog. My friend, Beth Forbus from Sarah’s Laughter, a ministry for infertility and loss, has some great resources.

I love classic Christian authors and their devotionals too. I’m reading books that inspire me as a woman and challenge me in my ministry role (try Anne Voskamp, Sarah Bessey, or Beth Moore) or challenge me Christian walk (try Barabara Brown Taylor, David Benner, or Thomas Merton).

As far as music, I’m all over the board — it depends on the mood I’m in. Right now, it’s “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music [iTunes link].

Q. Your ministry helps women take care of themselves spiritually during infertility. Share how YOU have taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during infertility.

Physically: Like I mentioned earlier, dark chocolate and water. I love to walk. Recently I just starting exercising again after a season of being a caretaker for my parents and losing both of them. I find it refreshing to get out in the early morning, in the quietness, talking to God as others pass by and burning of the dark chocolate in the meantime.

Emotionally: Pouring out my heart to Jesus in prayer. That’s what has and what continues to keep me sane and in my right mind mentally. One of my life scriptures is Psalm 62:8: “Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge.” No matter if it’s an ugly cry, a ticked-off ranting about someone or something or just to thank him for what He’s done…I talk to God like He’s my friend. This has helped me in my infertility journey and helps me now.

Spiritually: Being open to God and others about my hard journey. Not attending church. As much as I LOVE church, it can be a hurtful place during this phase. I gave myself a break from church and didn’t feel condemned for not going, believing God understood what I was going through. Opening up my Bible and reading it every day. I love a devotional too, especially from a classic Christian author such as C.S. Lewis, Andrew Murray or Charles Spurgeon. Listening online to a preacher give a sermon as I’m doing house chores. Reading thought-provoking books that challenger me spiritually with my relationship with Christ. Listening to good praise music too — and then a little grunge or hip-hop thrown in doesn’t hurt either. LOL.

Q. Do you have any advice for women who feel like God might be calling them to create their own infertility ministry (no matter how big or small)?

Yes. I do. Probably way too much info to fill this space. But here’s some hints:

• Don’t try to have it all perfect before you start. Like Nike says, “Just do it.”
• Gather around you a supportive team of prayer-ers and helpers too. You’ll need it!
• Educate yourself on infertility, loss, the different type of treatments. Educate yourself on how to help those who are grieving because that’s what infertility is, a “disenfranchised grief” – grieving a loss of a dream.
• Don’t take the burdens of women upon yourself. It’s easy to do this. Leave them at the Cross in prayer. This is a heavy ministry with heavy hearts.
• There may be a lot of questions, but you don’t need to have all the answers or even to come up with a Scripture. Sometimes all you need to do is say “I don’t know,” walk alongside them, cry with them, and pray for them. Then step back and watch God unfold His plan.

Presently I’m half way through developing a package for support group leaders. It should be available by the end of this year. In the meantime, anyone can contact me if they have questions.

Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?

Yes. A hug. A virtual hug from me to you.

Don’t walk this road alone. Locate a Christian infertility support group. There’s a listing under resources on the DUBL website. Coming late fall there will be online support groups through Dancing Upon Barren Land as well.

If you are in a valley of decision, don’t jump at the first thing offered. Pray and be in agreement with your spouse. THIS. IS. HUGE. Trust me on this one!

Support the ministry or buy the book, Dancing Upon Barren Land – Prayer, Scripture Reflection and Hope for Infertility. Thank you. 🙂

You are loved and God has not forgotten you.

I care and there’s a community that cares at Dancing Upon Barren Land. Will you leave your prayer request on the Prayer Wall?

Pray for others as others pray for you!

You can see why I was so encouraged when I first discovered DUBL! Many thanks to Lesli for sharing her story with us. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her and consider pinning this image so others can read her infertility story.

 

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