Melissa’s Surrogacy, Adoption and Infertility Story

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility first-hand.  This week I interviewed Melissa from Three Ways to Baby.  Melissa has experienced almost everything from gestational surrogacy to adoption.  I hope you enjoy her interview!

Q. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a stay-at-home mom to four spirited, energetic, and wonderful children. When I’m not chauffering, disciplining, cooking, cleaning or laundering, I can be found drinking copious amounts of coffee at my local coffee shop or at home curled up with a good book.

Q. Your story is unique in that you’ve experienced a traditional pregnancy, a gestational surrogacy pregnancy, and adoption. How did you handle it when you found out your only option for having your second child was IVF and a surrogate?

I learned quite suddenly after an emergency hysterectomy that I was now infertile and would have to pursue alternate means of family planning if I wanted to grow my family. I still had ovaries and the desire for another biological child was strong at that point. I investigated on-line my options and decided surrogacy was the best choice for me and my family to have another biological child. In order to do surrogacy, I was told I would have to undergo IVF. I accepted that I would have to do the first part of the IVF process to retrieve eggs from my ovaries. IVF gave me hope that I could have another child and I was grateful that such an option existed in the first place.

Q. What led you to adoption after gestational surrogacy?

My surrogacy experience was a wonderful one and produced my twin sons. After my sons were born, I still felt the longing for one more child, but no longer felt the longing or desire for a biological child. Thus, the decision was made to purse an international adoption.

Q. How did the challenges of infertility compare to the challenges of adoption?

Infertility was initially a bitter pill to swallow. I didn’t understand why my body had let me down and could no longer produce babies the normal, old-fashioned way. As I entered into the surrogacy experience, however, I learned to let go of my anger and sadness and concentrate instead on the two beautiful babies that been made and were now being carried by our amazing and loving surrogate.

By contrast, I entered into the adoption journey with no lingering resentment over my infertility status. I accepted that adoption was what we needed to do to grow my family by one more.

Q. Looking back on your journey, what’s one thing you handled well and one thing you wish you would’ve handled differently?

I believe there were some things I handled well and others that I didn’t. I was positive and accepting of the adoption and proactive in managing all the details, paperwork, medical concerns and travel planning. What I didn’t handle well was the shock of becoming infertile and my initial feelings towards my surrogate. In the beginning, all I wanted to do was hire a uterus to grow my babies and then have nothing to do with the surrogate. These feelings dissipated as I grew to know and care for my surrogate, but I’m still ashamed at how I felt towards her in the beginning.

Q. How did your experience affect the way you view your children and parent them?

I don’t think my experiences have made me view or parent my children any differently. Each of my children’s birth stories have been normalized in my house so that they are not considered different, bad, or abnormal. They are just regular kids and I’m just a regular mom who loves them and tries to parent them as best I can.

Q. Why did you decide to blog about your experience?

I decided to blog about my experiences because I’m hoping that my stories connect and resonate with readers. I’m hoping that anyone who feels helpless and hopeless will know that there’s hope and possibility after infertility.

Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?

I’d like readers to know that a traditional pregnancy, surrogacy, and adoption feel equally as special and emotionally connected. I don’t regard one family planning option as being better than the other and I don’t wish my surrogate and adoptive children were born from my body in a traditional pregnancy. I’m at peace with how my children entered the world and I feel grateful for my hysterectomy in guiding me down the path of surrogacy and adoption to expand my family.

 

Many thanks to Melissa for sharing her infertility story!  Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and consider pinning this image so others can find her story.

 

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