Aimee Shares Her Infertility & Recurrent Miscarriage Story

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week, I’m honored to publish an interview with nutritionist and blogger, Aimee McNew. I’ve gotten to know Aimee a little bit over the past few months, and she has been such an encouragement to me personally. I’m so grateful for her friendship, and I appreciate her sharing her recurrent miscarriage story.

Q. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a nutritionist and writer who has been married to my husband Marvin for 2.5 years. We have a 10 yr old Boston Terrier, Gracie, who keeps us on our toes (and steals all of our blankets). I have a ton of food allergies, autoimmune issues, and digestive problems which is what led me to pursue nutrition after I was able to lose 70+ pounds from just changing my diet.

Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?

I stumbled into finding out about my fertility problems after I had a few miscarriages from unplanned pregnancies shortly after getting married. I was never opposed to being pregnant, as I wasn’t on birth control because of several hormonal & clotting issues. After the third miscarriage, I suspected that something was wrong. I am compound heterozygous for MTHFR, have Hashimoto’s, Celiac disease, fibromyalgia, Antiphospholipid syndrome, and a 4g variant. Just a few weeks ago, I experienced my 7th miscarriage after trying a baby aspirin + progesterone protocol. Before I try to get pregnant again, my new doctor will put me on prednisone, heparin, and even more progesterone and we hope that will be the winning combination.

Q. As someone who has experienced multiple miscarriages, what advice would you give to someone in a similar situation?

Well, first of all, I would say that I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It’s hard, and devastating, and heartbreaking, and there’s no way around that. I’d give you a big hug! Some important things I have learned, and that actually made this last miscarriage “easier” if there is such a thing, is to give yourself a lot of grace. And I mean a LOT. It’s not your fault that you’ve had miscarriages. Accept that few people in your life will understand, and that most people will say something stupid or insensitive to you. Keep channels of communication open with your spouse: you’ll both handle it differently, but it’s important that you handle it together. See a counselor. I see one who I like and who helps me to realize that grief isn’t linear, and it must be processed in your own way and time. And also, no two miscarriages are the same. For several of them, I dealt with weeks of postpartum depression afterward. For this last one, I wanted to head that off, so even a few days after the miscarriage, I was exercising. Nothing long or intense, just walking and some light yoga, but it truly helped to keep me grounded. It can be easy to hate your body after a miscarriage, especially if it’s literally your body that’s ending your pregnancies. But you need to give your body as much love as the mother who has just had a baby. You are no less a mother than she is, and it took me a long time to realize that. It doesn’t matter that others forget about your miscarriage (or never know). Your baby is no less precious than the one who is born full-term.

Q. You’re a certified nutritionist. How have your own infertility and health struggles informed your work?

Well, I was going through the start of realizing my infertility issues when I was finishing up my master’s program, so that heavily influenced my decision to specialize in women’s health and fertility. I wanted to help other people through the extremely isolating experience of infertility, and felt I would be equipped to do so since I knew what it felt like first hand. It has given me a passion for my work, because it’s not just business, it’s very, very personal.

Q. What are some common myths or misconceptions women have when it comes to fertility and nutrition?

Oh, goodness. So many. Of course everyone hates to be told that stress impacts fertility. It does, but it also doesn’t. Stress in any form is never good for us, and that’s why I say that we all need to find routines to stress less. But will stress alone prevent you from getting pregnant? Nope, because at least five of my seven pregnancies happened when I was extremely stressed and worried about getting or being pregnant. Stress is tied to nutrition because stress hinders digestion and when you aren’t digesting all of the nutrients from your food, all of your cells suffer, not just the ones connected to reproduction. I think that women who are trying to get pregnant need to reduce digestive stress from their bodies, and do the best they can with emotional stress, because frankly, that’s always going to be there. Digestive stress can be addressed through testing for food allergies, eliminating fast foods and processed foods, cutting back (or cutting out!) alcohol and caffeine, and dramatically reducing sugar intake. These are not popular suggestions and no one is happy about this, but it’s not just for TTC — it’s for your general wellbeing, both before, during, and after conception and pregnancy.

Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?

After some of my miscarriages, I’m not going to lie, I got very angry and bitter. It was hard for me to pray, to read the Bible, to care about anything. I didn’t want that to happen this last time, and so in the same way that I purposely exercised to keep away depression, I kept reading the Bible and praying even though my prayers mostly consisted of, “I just don’t understand…” In the same way that I communicate with my husband even when we have sad things to talk about, like another baby loss, I purposed to keep talking to God, even if all I could do was ask Him why I didn’t get my miracle this time. Emotionally, since I’m already a huge introvert even on good days, I decided to give myself permission to slash things from my schedule. And while I didn’t take a break from work this time around, that actually proved very good for me as I was forced to focus on things that had nothing to do with my loss. I also give myself permission to lighten up on my diet after a loss. It’s hard to be a nutritionist and feel like I need to have a perfect diet all the time, but I am also a human, and a grieving mom. Basically this means that I more freely eat sugar, since my TTC diet is pretty much sugar free. For a month or so after a loss, I usually ditch my prenatal vitamins, too. I give myself grace, and that means forcing my perfectionist side to sit on the sidelines for awhile. I also think it’s important to find reasons to laugh with your spouse. Life is hard already and infertility makes it harder. Focus on the good things you have together, and for me, that’s not a problem since my husband is a goofball who always makes me laugh!

Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?

Absolutely. My relationship with God and my faith is stronger than ever. I wouldn’t have said that after miscarriages 3 & 4. But it’s all a journey, and not a logical one at that. I feel that those hard times last year, where everything felt black and I thought God hated me, have brought me into a sweeter understanding of how much he really loves me. I don’t understand why I keep losing my babies, and it hurts. But I believe that life is about more than my understanding in the moment. It doesn’t necessarily ease the pain, but it does keep me from losing myself in the process. I have also been able to help others by speaking out so openly about my losses, and that’s a wonderful benefit. No one should ever feel like they have to go through this alone.

 

Many thanks to Aimee for part of her story with us. Please leave a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.  You can also connect with Aimee on her website, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

 

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