This is a post from my husband, Tom. Be sure to check out his other posts and share them with the men in your life.
When you’re struggling with infertility, you have to hold onto things that give you hope. The daily emotions are like a roller coaster ride (some days I wonder why I am so upset, others I can barely leave the house). Infertility affects men in different (and sometimes more dangerous) ways than women, so it’s important for men to have specific things on which they anchor their hope.
I am not claiming that the pain just vanishes when the “happy thought” comes in, but for me, having hopes of things and events to come have proven invaluable. Here are the three truths that give me hope during infertility:
In the end, God’s plan for my life will be greater than any plan I could ever have.
This has always proven true for me. When I was younger, I chased after the wrong girls, went after flashy majors, and bought a house at the WORST possible time, only to have God allow me to fail and help me find my true calling and grow in wisdom. If I knew what He knows about our attempt to build a family, I probably would not be stressing and burying myself in sadness and anxiety over our current situation. I don’t know what the future holds, but I have hope that He will take care of this in HIS way. God is in control and He is enough.
I truly believe I will be a father someday, somehow.
This innate, overwhelming desire to be a dad is not going away anytime soon. Whether it is through adoption (there are a staggering number of children in our area in the foster system), natural childbirth or the array of other options, I believe that, in time, God is going to orchestrate this to happen and our family will grow.
I know that I am not alone.
I know, misery loves company, but that is not what I am talking about. There are real men out there struggling and fighting every day through this, but many dudes find it hard to open up. My hope is that my transparency fights the taboo in my social circles and helps others to realize they are not alone in the fight. I know if I can keep going, it may help another person keep going.
Ultimately, these bits of hope help me grow in my faith a little bit every single day.
I’d love to hear how other men find hope during infertility. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Want to dive deeper into cultivating a sense of hope? I (Lisa) highly recommend the Cultivate Hope / Write the Word Journal from Lara Casey. It contains specially-selected Scriptures on hope and room for you to write them out. There’s also plenty of space for you to journal your thoughts, prayers, or whatever is on your heart.
Excellent points! I find hope in my wife. Although we’re both struggling, I can’t imagine my life without her and I take peace knowing that I’m happy with her no matter what.
Thanks sharing Tom! I’m glad to see another written piece by you.
Thanks for sharing this!! It’s always so sweet to hear the guys perspective! Love your faith!
Glad you liked it, Caroline!
I sought out a blog that would help me understand my own infertility as well as others. It’s difficult when you’re in the beginning stages and you don’t know if you should say anything to anyone, yet. With my husband and me, we have been struggling with it on our own and you’re point of view helps me support him in a way he doesn’t know he needs. Thank you.
Thanks for such kind words, JL. Wishing you and your husband the best.
This is so needed… the mans perspective and willingness to speak out and encourage! Praying for you both, and trusting these words will be a blessing and a light in the darkness for those who need it most!
I love that your shared the man’s point of view. I know that so many will appreciate that you opened up in this way. Praying for God’s perfect timing for your family!
I love that you shared your husband’s point of view as well. YOu don’t often hear how it is for them and what their thoughts and experiences are such a journey. Thank you for sharing it. Prayers sending your way! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me, for all the continual blog support throughout 2014! Happy Holidays! #sharewithme