During our last visit to the RE, we talked about how we seem to have an embryo quality issue, and our RE brought up the idea of a donor cycle. (We’d switch out either the egg or sperm to see if that had any affect on our embryo quality). My husband is 100% okay with this. I am not.
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying I think donor cycles are morally wrong. I’m just not okay with it for me. I guess I’m “all-or-nothing” when it comes to genetics.
I want my husband’s baby. I’m not interested in the idea of having a child that half-belongs genetically to a stranger. I know that many of you have been able to come to peace with that. I don’t think I can.
My husband says he’s fine either way. He wants us to consider using a donor so that I have the opportunity to experience pregnancy and childbirth, not because he wants a genetic child. At this point, however, any romantic ideas of pregnancy and childbirth have been ruined for me. I’d be thrilled to get pregnant, of course, but I know I’d be plagued by fear the entire time. I know too much now.
If IVF doesn’t work for us, I don’t think I’ll grieve much for the loss of experiencing pregnancy and childbirth. That only lasts 9 months. I think I’ll grieve more for the loss of genetics and the loss of seeing bit of myself and my family in my child.
I’d be interested in hearing from those of you who have done donor cycles. Did you struggle with the idea of losing genetics? How did you move past this?
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