Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week, I’m chatting with Maggie from Mrs. Doctor Dear. She’s a fellow librarian, so of course, I was thrilled to interview her. Enjoy!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Maggie. I’m 34 and have been married to Gil for 3.5 years. I left a career with the Canadian government when I moved to marry my husband, and now I work part-time as a church administrator and have gone back to school to be a librarian. My hobby is reading any and all books. I also lead a Bible study and volunteer with our local crisis pregnancy centre. I am an avid traveler, language learner, and soccer fan, and I also love cats. I blog at Mrs. Doctor Dear.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
We started trying to conceive in the summer of 2013. I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which was diagnosed when I was 19, so I knew going into TTC that it could be more difficult than for your average person. We sought medical health after six months because my cycles were irregular and extremely long. We have tried Clomid, but it was unsuccessful, so now we are deciding which way to go next.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been
an encouragement to you during your journey?
Reading is my favourite pastime, so I’ve found solace in books. For the past while, I keep “accidentally” picking up books that had some coverage of infertility, such as Eden by Yael Hedaya, The Light Between Oceans, and The Wednesday Sisters. I don’t read a lot of books specifically devoted to infertility, but I really enjoyed Plus or Minus by Matt and Cheri Appling, which was featured on your blog. Otherwise, I encourage myself by getting lost in stories that take me somewhere else, like Harry Potter.
In terms of songs, one that I keep coming back to me is a Newsboys song that was playing in my car when I drove to my first appointment at the fertility clinic. The chorus says, “Lord I don’t know where all this is going, or how it all works out. Lead us to peace that is past understanding, a peace beyond all doubt.” I haven’t gotten there yet, but I hope to!
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you
handle it differently?
Definitely not. I am a more emotional person who takes things personally. My husband is in the medical field and tends to put on his “doctor” hat when talking about medical issues, so he is able to be impersonal. We have had conflicted views on whether to push forward with more treatment or wait and see. Navigating that has been one of the most difficult parts of the journey.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
I have always loved to write. I started my blog as a newlywed to chronicle the ins and outs of my life for friends who lived further away. At first, it was hard to put more difficult circumstances like infertility out there because it’s like opening our personal lives to scrutiny, but I find writing cathartic and healing. I also feel like if I can help one other person feel like she is not alone, it’s been worth it.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and
spiritually during your struggles?
To be honest, I haven’t taken the best care of myself. Last year while we were doing Clomid, I got very into Jillian Michaels’ workout DVDs, and that helped me feel like I was working with my body, instead of it working against me. I’ve been slacking on workouts lately, though and have been reminded that I need to take care of myself. Emotionally, I’m learning to take a step back, decline invitations if I need to, and to talk more about what I’m going through instead of waiting for people to ask. Spiritually it has been very difficult. There are some wonderful people at my church, but it is full of moms and kids. It’s hard not to let it harm my faith, but I try to remember that God has a time frame that is different from mine. I lead at a Bible study, and that provides enough accountability so that I don’t just give up reading the Bible and prayer during the harder times.
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
There have been a few really low points. One of them was last summer when I found out my reproductive endocrinologist was pregnant and burst into tears. She had hidden her pregnancy for a while (even from colleagues) and I found out by a passing comment from another doctor, rather than from her. I’m not proud of my response, but it felt like literally everyone could get pregnant but me. Last December was one of my lowest points. Coming to the realization that Clomid had not worked for me, as it had for nearly every one of my friends with PCOS, was devastating. Around that time, a close friend’s father passed away and my husband ended up working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so I went into the holidays feeling like there was absolutely nothing to look forward to. I guess I survived these lows by trying to take things one day at a time, or one hour at a time if need be, and reminding myself to “just keep swimming”.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
There have been a couple of “silver linings” in the journey. The first is that I’ve met amazing people in online communities, some of whom I now consider close friends. I could not have gotten through the past year or so without these ladies. The second is that infertility has shown me how privileged my life has been. I grew up being told that I could achieve anything I wanted in life, and up until now, that has been the case. I was able to go to graduate school, study abroad, learn Chinese, etc. As much as it hurts that becoming a mother has been hard for me, it has reminded me that many people would give a lot to have had some of the advantages and opportunities that I have had. I hope that going through infertility will help me love others in
difficult circumstances.
Many thanks to Maggie for sharing her infertility story with us. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her and be sure to stop by her blog!
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