Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m chatting with Lauren from Every Little Moment. Her unique combination and personal and professional experience with infertility means she has a lot of wisdom to share. I hope you enjoy her interview as much as I did.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
Hi, I’m Lauren and I live in Baltimore with my husband and two dogs. I am a huge animal lover and our dogs are our fur children. My husband is Australian and we met while I was studying abroad in Sydney. I was supposed to be there for 5 months and I ended up staying for almost 5 years! We moved back to the States and got married in 2008.
I love cooking and living a healthy lifestyle has become really important to me after being diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in 2007. I am not a vegetarian, but I love eating vegetables! Summer is my favorite time of year because I love the beach and I am at our local farmer’s market every weekend. I recently started a blog about my life and infertility journey at Every Little Moment.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
We have been trying to get pregnant since September 2012. I was previously diagnosed with PCOS, so we knew getting pregnant might be challenging. I had hoped that losing weight and making positive lifestyle changes would help me be able to get pregnant naturally, but that didn’t seem to be the case. After trying to conceive for a year, we sought the help of a reproductive endocrinologist and planned to get started right away with timed intercourse and IUI cycles. While we were completing all of the testing required to start treatment, we found out that we had gotten pregnant naturally. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I haven’t been able to get pregnant since then, despite having 1 timed intercourse and 5 IUI cycles. We just moved to IVF in January and I am having my first frozen embryo transfer very soon!
Q. You have a master’s degree in Reproductive Health and Human Genetics and worked at an IVF clinic before you realized that you yourself would experience infertility. How has your education and work experience shaped your experience as a patient?
While we were living in Sydney, I got my Masters degree and worked at an IVF clinic. I loved reproductive biology so much that decided to go back to school again to get my PhD. I finished my PhD last August after six long years! The biggest issue that I have with being a reproductive biology scientist and an infertility patient is that I can never get enough information. It is so frustrating when I want to know more, but we just don’t have that level of scientific and medical knowledge yet. Before and after every doctor’s appointment, I am usually reading scientific research – I can start to drive myself (and my doctor and husband) crazy after awhile! I love that I have all of this knowledge about reproductive biology and infertility, but it can be really strange when I am reading all of this research for myself. I try to limit my researching and not go overboard. Most importantly, I am learning to trust my doctor and nurses since I know that medical care is about both scientific research and medical experience.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
I just recently started my blog after realizing that sharing my journey is incredibly healing for me and is a wonderful opportunity to help others. I am so passionate about reproductive biology and infertility after devoting the past 10 years of my life to studying and researching these areas, so it makes sense to try to share this knowledge in some way. I also love connecting with other women dealing with infertility – it is really amazing when you realize how common infertility really is and that we are never alone in our infertility journeys. Blogging has been so much fun so far and I am really enjoying having a safe space to speak my mind.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I really prioritize eating a healthy diet (for me this means mostly home-cooked meals with lots of fresh, unprocessed ingredients). I know that eating well just makes me feel so much better both physically and mentally. I also try to exercise regularly, although there have been times when I have been unable to exercise very much (from treatment side effects or doctor’s restrictions) and that has been tough. I also go to acupuncture and try to meditate, journal or read daily. Having a little bit of quiet time in my day is such a nice break from all of the stress of infertility.
I have also learned not to keep all of my emotions surrounding infertility bottled up and that sharing is so helpful. Connecting with other women that are dealing with infertility has been such a positive addition to my life. Having these connections has given me so much hope and strength. I am so in awe of the women I have met and their stories.
Q. You endured a miscarriage at 10 weeks. How did you survive it and what advice would you give to women in similar a similar situation?
I can honestly say that my miscarriage was one of the most difficult and devastating experiences of my life. I had a missed miscarriage, meaning my body did not recognize the miscarriage right away and I had no signs of miscarriage like bleeding or pain. I went in for a routine doctor’s appointment at 10 weeks and the doctor could not find a heartbeat. I ended up having a D&C the next day – all of this happened a few days before Christmas and getting through the holidays was so hard that year.
When I first found out about the miscarriage, I honestly didn’t think that my life would ever be normal again. It was almost as if time had stopped and I was just stuck standing in my grief and devastation. The only way I was able to survive those first few days and weeks was to be gentle with myself and with my body, and to take it one day at a time. It takes time to heal – the physical part takes time and the mental part takes even longer. There are still moments now, over a year later, when I am so overwhelmed with pain and just need to cry. It’s hard and it’s a slow process, but being gentle and patient with myself really helped.
I would also say to get professional help if you need it – I saw a counselor to work through my grief and that really helped. I tried to let my emotions out and not push them away. In this way I was able to deal with the grief from my miscarriage instead of trying to keep going like nothing happened. I also talked to other women who have had miscarriages – while every women’s experience is very unique, I found comfort in sharing and listening to other women.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
Some days it is hard to admit this, but I have definitely learned so much from this journey. Over the past few years I have realized how strong I really am – I don’t think I truly understood this before. Life with infertility has been crazy and hard, but I am still going – I think it’s amazing that I haven’t given up and if anything I am more determined to be a mom than when we started.
My experience with infertility is also teaching me how to let go of the things that I cannot control. I tend to be a person that thinks I can work harder or longer and that I can do anything I put my mind to. Infertility just doesn’t work that way – other than seeking medical help, there really isn’t way to try harder. I am slowly learning that I need to trust that things will be okay even if I don’t see how or when that will happen.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
If you are currently dealing with infertility, please don’t be afraid to get the help and support that you need. This journey can be really long and isolating – finding support has been such a positive experience for me. Whether you find support from your friends and family, by working with a professional or from complete strangers (mainly online), I would recommend creating a support network as a part of your journey. Infertility is overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Many thanks to Lauren for sharing her story with us today. Please leave a comment to let her know you appreciate her.
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