As Mother’s Day approaches here in the U.S., I thought I’d share with you some helpful articles I found. Many of them are good articles to share with your pastor or with people who may have a difficult time understand why going to church on Mother’s Day is hard for women struggling with infertility. Several are specifically geared towards pastors and the church. In my opinion, none of the links below lead to bitter or angry blog posts. Rather, they share their stories in hopes of generating understanding and authentic dialogue.
Affirming All Women in Church on Mother’s Day by Rev. Michelle L. Torigian
“By the church neglecting the hearts of women who are not mothers, women continue to feel a sense of shame for “forgoing” the role of motherhood, even if it wasn’t a choice.”
An Open Letter to Pastors: A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother’s Day by Amy Young
“…I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.”
Christian Infertility & Re-Thinking Mother’s Day by Sarah Arthur
“Yes, it is good for churches to celebrate mothers. But it is also vital for the church to lament the losses that are not merely personal, but communal.”
Mother’s Day, Infertility, and the Church by Jason Johnson
“It is our privilege to celebrate children and family in the Church, but also our responsibility to serve well those who are struggling with the pain and heartache of not having their own yet.”
Mourning With Those Who Mourn on Mother’s Day by Courtney Reissig
“May our churches be a place where the glory of motherhood is upheld and honored, but the pain and sorrow of those who long for what they do not have is honored as well.”
Remember the Infertile on Mother’s Day by Russell Moore
“Regardless of how you do it, remember the infertile as the world around us celebrates motherhood. The Proverbs 31 woman needs our attention, but the 1 Samuel 1 woman does too.”
Also, if you’re in a position where you feel comfortable sharing with your pastor, you might want to send him or her this wonderful “We Remember You” bulletin insert Lesli at Dancing Upon Barren Land has designed. (Follow the link and scroll down to the bottom left of the web page).
Have you come across any helpful Mother’s Day articles? Please share them in the comments below.
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Thank you so much for putting together these resources! I actually wrote a post on the same topic yesterday. Infertility is so invisible and still so taboo that it’s easy to forget people’s suffering. I’ve never experienced it myself, but many I love have.
Thanks for the comment, Said. I’d love to see the link to your post.
Thank you for this. It is also very hard for those of us who have lost our Mother’s. This will be my 1st without her, and I am almost dreading “visiting” her at the cemetery and eating at her favorite restaurant – Mimi’s – where we always went. But to not do either of those wouldn’t be right.
You are so right, Megan. My thoughts will be with you on Sunday.
Hi Lisa, There are some great articles here. I’d read quite a few of them before. I particularly like the Open Letter to Pastors. As you know from our twitter chat yesterday, it was mother’s day yesterday in Spain. I no longer go to church on mother’s day.
If all aspects of mothering were ackowledged, if no distinction was made between mothers and those who haven’t arrived (such as mothers standing) if all women were given a flower or whatever gift is being given, then although it might still feel hard, I would feel able to go. I’d at least give it a go. But at the church we go to now, all mothers are called to go to the front. They are applauded and there’s music and celebration and then they’re all given a gift. Meanwhile the non-mothers remain sitting with the men.
My husband attended the mother’s day service our first year here (I stayed at home) to check it out and see if it was a safe place for me. He was struggling to hold back his tears and found it painful as the husband of a woman who so desperately wants to be a mother. Neither of us have attended a mother’s day service since. We went out for breakfast instead. I found it so painful yesterday though. I found it painful that there was no space for me in my church yesterday. No acknowledgement of my pain. I believe that it is possible to celebrate motherhood without making those of us who aren’t mothers feel so left out. My husband is the youth pastor at our church and I help him at times with the teenage girls. I also run a dramatherapy group with teenagers in foster care. I wish that our parenting could also be ackowledged. I wish that I wasn’t left feeling like somehow I’ve failed. I wish that I didn’t feel that I have to stay away because I’ll just put a dampner on a day of celebration. I wish that church wasn’t the last place in the world where I would want to be on mother’s day. I wish that we could all learn (myself included) how to fully embrace the idea of rejoicing with those that rejoice and mourning with those that mourn. That’s the body of Christ.
Amen, to your last sentence, Rachel. I admire your husband for checking church out for your last Mother’s Day. I can only imagine how hard it was for him, too. I’m so glad that you went out to breakfast yesterday and did something that wasn’t as painful. I don’t blame you. I don’t think I could ever feel comfortable in a service that had mothers go to the front for music, gifts, and celebration. My heart goes out to the single women in the congregation who wish they were mothers, too.
Rachel, I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced. I’m sure you must not be the only one at your church for whom this is a painful circumstance. I was particularly struck by your sentence, “My husband attended the mother’s day service our first year here…to see if it was a safe place for me.” I had my husband do the same thing when we moved to our current location (we’ve been infertile for 11 years). Shouldn’t our churches be the one place where we know we’ll feel safe? Shouldn’t they be places where wounded people come to heal, instead of a place where salt is rubbed in our wounds?
Thanks for so beautifully expressing what it means to be the body of Christ.
Thank you so much for always being such a good resource!
It’s the librarian in me 😉
“If I’m being honest, it’s also a mild protest.” This is me. The last mother’s day I spent at church (the one I grew up in, in fact) was a complete disaster. Not only did the pastor say things that made me sad over the fact that I have not yet been able to conceive, but he also said some things that are all over those lists titled “Things not to say to an Adoptee.” I actually walked out and never saw that pastor again. (He has since left.)
Oh, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Emily.
Thank you Lisa. It wasn’t a great experience but it wasn’t the end of the world either.
This is list is a great one Lisa. I had never thought about messaging my pastor to share our perspective but was able to this morning because of these articles! Thanks for sharing.
That’s awesome, Brandy! I’ve received emails from several other women saying the same thing. I love it!
What a fantastic post! Thank you so much for sharing! I’m visiting from the Saturday Soiree Blog Hop.
Thanks again
Angie
PS – I also wanted to invite you to hop on board the “Great Blog Train” (blog hop) & travel with us to Arizona!: http://www.godsgrowinggarden.com/2015/05/the-great-blog-train-29-giveaway.html