Jenn’s Unexplained Infertility Story

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m chatting with Jenn from The Owl and Empty Nest.  I love meeting fellow librarians and I hope you enjoy her interview as much as I did.

Q. Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a 33 year old wife, daughter, and sister. I also happen to be a children’s librarian who works in teen services. I love my job, but I definitely leave work at work and enjoy my free time. I live near the beach in California, so I like to spend time walking on the beach or hiking along the coastline. Obviously I love to read, and it is a rare treat when I get to indulge in any book not written for children and teens.

Hubby and I have been married for almost 5 years. We met in 2008 on the website Ok Cupid. I had only signed on to take the quizzes at the suggestion of a friend. When Hubby sent me a message, he started it with “I know we don’t have a lot in common…”, this has proved to be very true, but we balance each other out in all the best ways. I adore him and am constantly saying that he is my favorite person.

Hubby and I have four gorgeous, long-haired cats. Lucky, Kitten, Zoey, and Chairman Meow. I’m an animal lover, but the only ones I want to coexist with in my home are humans and felines.

The other thing you should know about me is that I’m adopted. I was adopted at birth because my mom wasn’t able to conceive on her own. For that reason, more than any other, I want to become pregnant and give birth. I want my mom to be able to share the journey that she could never take on her own. 

Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?

We’ve been off birth control since 2011, and started actively trying to conceive in 2013.  According to my RE, that means we have been TTC for about 5 years, and are considered to have prolonged infertility. For the longest time, I liked to say we were “not, NOT trying”. This was easier than explaining that we were failing at something that should have been easy.

In spring of 2014 I went to an OB and was diagnosed with “infertility”. I hate that they use that term for anyone who has difficulty conceiving. They really need to find a new word to use- something that sounds less dire. Although, let’s be honest, infertility sucks.

My unexplained infertility has a few contributing factors. Hubby’s sperm have low motility. He is currently on clomid, and a recent SA showed that the medication is helping. My RE wants to do an advanced sperm analysis including a DNA fragment analysis before we move forward to the next step.

But, a much larger contributing factor has turned out to be me. My FSH is 13.83 (high) and my AMH is 0.7 (low). The cause of these is being attributed to the fact that one of my chromosomes is inverted. Basically, as I was forming in the womb, my infertility had already begun. I just found out about all of this in the past month, and it is still newly terrifying. Basically, while the eggs I have remaining are of the same quality as anyone else my age, I don’t have that many left.

I was put on Clomid for 3 cycles between June and December 2014, and I did not get my BFP. In January 2015 a friend convinced me to call an RE. I started seeing my RE in Feb. Thus far I’ve had two IUIs with Letrozole and progesterone, and neither of them worked.

Our next step is going to be something called a Mini or Micro IVF. What this really means is that the IVF will use minimal (mini) amounts of medication vs. a standard IVF. Because I haven’t been a great responder to Letrozole (which is typical of someone with diminishing ovarian reserve), my RE doesn’t think that pumping me full of drugs for a standard IVF will produce very many eggs. For my Mini IVF, I will be put on 2-3 doses of Clomid per day with the hopes that I will produce 2-4 eggs. These eggs will be retrieved, and if the embryos make it to the blastocyst stage, they will be frozen. Since Clomid thins the uterine lining, he wouldn’t do a transfer that month. Instead, we would wait a month and do a frozen embryo transfer. Although a Mini IVF is considered experimental, it’s actually the same procedure they did to produce the first test tube babies. I have my fingers and toes crossed that this is all it takes.

If the Mini IVF shows that the quality of my eggs is not sufficient, I’m open to the idea of donor eggs or even adopting a donated embryo. But, at this point I still have hope of carrying my own genetic child.

Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?

I actually decided to blog about my infertility when I stumbled across the blog Unpregnant Chicken in January. Before that time, I’d never realized there was a forum of women who are TTC. I had to learn a lot of lingo in order to catch on, but I’m so glad that I decided to blog. It’s helping me keep track of all of the information I’m having thrown at me on this journey. It also helps me process new things when they are presented.

I’ve found support through following other blogs on IF. I actually just participated in the 2015 Sock Exchange. I’m not sure what I would do without the support I have found through blogging.

Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?

Physically I have changed my eating habits quite a bit. I’m eating less processed food and more whole foods. I’ve cut out caffeine entirely as well. I’ve continued with my biweekly water aerobics classes, and have added in a goal of 10,000 steps per day which I track using a Fitbit.

Emotionally I’ve found the best way to process is to talk about things. I do that through my blog. I also talk to my mom who can empathize more than I wish she could. I have a few friends and coworkers with whom I can also discuss my IF. They may not understand what I’m going through, but they have provided me with insight and reminders to stay positive when I start to feel discouraged.

I’m not very spiritual, but I have my own way of finding peace. I remind myself, pretty much daily, of something I was once told. When I’m feeling low I ask, “Can I do anything to change the situation?” With infertility the answer is no, so then I tell myself to try to let it go. Worrying about a something you cannot control will not make the situation better, it will only serve to make you feel bad. Therefore, you have control over how you feel about a situation, and I refuse to be miserable all of the time.

Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?

I’ve had a few low points these past few months. One was when I realized that both Hubby and I were contributing to our infertility and that I might not conceive. This was when I realized that l did not want a life without raising a child. The others were when I realized I had a genetic factor to my infertility. Most recently was right before IUI #2 when I thought I may have ovulated early and had missed my window for the procedure that month.

For each of these instances I survived by first letting myself break down for awhile. I would give myself the day or even a whole weekend to grieve and process. But then, I’ve made myself move on and move forward to the next steps.

Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?

I honestly haven’t really sought out anything to encourage myself. I watch Disney movies to cheer myself up, and I listen to the song “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri on repeat during my TWW. That has become my love song to my baby-to-be. I’m very open to suggestions on what has worked for other people who are on this same journey.

Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?

I’m still struggling with this. I guess the biggest silver lining would be that I have been able to help people in my life understand infertility, and how common it is. I also have become even closer to my mom. We were already incredibly close, but I now understand what she went through. In the end, I’m grateful for my life, and will find a way to raise a child.

Many thanks to Jenn for sharing her story with us. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and maybe offer her some suggestions on how she can be encouraged!

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