Each week I interview someone who has been through infertility. This week, I’m happy to be chatting with Ruth from The One in Eight. I hope you enjoy her interview and check out her new blog!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
I am a play therapist and school counselor. I love the Georgia Bulldogs and I love to travel. My husband, Andy and I live just outside of Atlanta. We bought our first house in October and are loving it! Andy and I met in middle school when my dad became the pastor of his family’s church. We started dating in high school and will celebrate our five year wedding anniversary on May 15th. We survived each other’s awkward stages, so we can get through infertility, right?? I just recently started blogging at www.theoneineight.com. I’m still figuring things out!
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
Andy and I have been trying to conceive since August 2012, so we are almost at the three year mark and have been trying for half of our marriage! After trying on our own for one year, we consulted with my doctor, who ended up referring us to the fertility doctor we’re with now. Andy was diagnosed with varicocele, which has impacted the morphology and motility of his sperm. The count was low, as well, but not our main issue. Andy had surgery to correct the varicocele, and we have seen improvements.
My HSG showed that one tube was blocked, but when they did my laparoscopy, they found that it was actually just tangled in adhesions. Turns out I had appendicitis at some point and I had adhesions all along my uterus, appendix, and gall bladder. They also found Stage One Endometriosis, which also caused adhesions, as well as cysts and polyps in my uterus. The good news is that my tube was not blocked and my doctor was able to free my uterus and tube of the adhesions. The bad news, of course, is that Endometriosis grows back, so my cysts and polyps and those adhesions will most likely return.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
There are several songs that have stuck with me and become both my prayer and my encouragement over the last couple years. Never Once by Matt Redman and The Lord Our God by Kristian Stanfill have particularly spoken to me throughout this process. Here are a few lyrics from each:
From Never Once by Matt Redman:
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did you leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
From The Lord Our God by Kristian Stanfill:
In the silence, in the waiting
Still we can know You are good
All Your plans are for Your glory
Yes we can know You are good
The Lord our God is ever faithful
Never changing through the ages
From this darkness, You will lead us
And forever we will say
You’re the Lord our God
I also found a lot of encouragement from Amateur Nester! I found the blog one day when I was really down and googled “infertility sucks.” Somehow, this led me to the blog, right about the time Lisa was doing 31 Days of Prayer. This was during our second IUI cycle, and our actual IUI fell at the end of the month. We used this as a devotional and read it together every night leading up to our IUI, praying over the things highlighted each day. It seriously came just at the right time!
I also take comfort in the fact that God knows how hard infertility is. Proverbs 30:15-16:
“There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, ‘Enough!’: the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, ‘Enough.’”
A dear friend who struggled with infertility for many years shared this verse with me as encouragement, showing that God knows it’s hard. He compares the barren womb to the grave, land, and fire, things that He says are never satisfied, just as a barren womb is not satisfied.
My sister sent me a Cinderella quote the other day. (She was getting ready for my niece’s fourth birthday party, and this quote made her think of me.)
“Even miracles take a little time.”
Maybe I’ll hang that in my baby’s nursery one day!
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
I tried coming up with my lowest point and thought of a couple times that I was pretty devastated. One was our first visit with our RE when she said we were “at zero” with our chances of conceiving on our own. I knew we were having issues, but I didn’t know they were that bad. That was pretty disheartening, and I left feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Another low point was in February of this year. My doctor originally said to do three IUI’s, which we did in the fall of 2014. When the third one didn’t work, I thought for sure she would say it was time to do IVF. When Andy’s sample numbers came back in January, though, they were the highest we’d had yet, and she recommended two more IUI’s. February was the first of the two. I was more hopeful than I’d allowed myself to be previously, I think because we felt maybe Andy’s numbers were a sign that we’d be able to get pregnant without having to endure (and pay for) the IVF process. When February’s IUI came back negative, I was devastated. And frustrated. And mad. Why were we having to go through this? And what was the point of such false hope with Andy’s numbers? Why couldn’t we have just done IVF instead of all those IUI’s that didn’t work? We had one more left in March, and that one didn’t work either.
I think what got me through these times was my faith that God’s plan is better than mine. I know that His timing is perfect and I believe that He knows how hard infertility is. My sweet husband has been a huge support for me, and I feel our struggles with infertility have only brought us closer. I journaled, vented, went to the free support group at the doctor’s office, had wine with my friends, and relied heavily on God to help me through it.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I started writing in a journal a couple of years ago, about the time we started with the fertility clinic we go to. I also would write little poem-like things that reflected however I was feeling at the time. Those are not something I would ever share! But they really helped me in the moment. I actually started writing those before I started the journal, and it was such a great release to just get my feelings out. The journal has been really helpful, too. I write down Bible verses that are encouraging, or quotes, or I’ll write down my actual prayers. I feel like this has definitely helped me both emotionally and spiritually. Physically, I haven’t really done anything. I should probably start running or something! I kind of hate to run, though. I recently started taking Juice Plus…does that count?
I also started being more careful with my time. I have so many friends who are pregnant or who have children. I was going to showers and 1st birthday parties all the time and it was really hard on me emotionally. I try to always have a good game face on because I truly am happy for them and I would never want people to think I’m not happy or that I’m making it about me! But I realized that it’s ok for me to not attend everything. I don’t need to be at every shower or every birthday party. I feel guilty sometimes for not going, but I know that this is what I need to do for me right now.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
I’d been writing for a while, so I thought about putting it into a blog, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to “go public.” As we continued with our treatments and ran into more and more people who didn’t really understand infertility, I decided that it would be important to share our story. Yes, it’s been great for me emotionally and mentally to have this outlet, but also, I want to make people more aware about infertility. No one really talks about it, and yet so many people are experiencing it! I want to both encourage others going through infertility and also give people a glimpse of what it’s like to be infertile.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
Absolutely. It’s hard and it’s painful, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. But here’s what I had to say on my blog about the silver linings during National Infertility Awareness Week:
I am different because of my experience with infertility. I am more sensitive to the things people are going through and more aware that I have no idea what it’s like to be that person or feel their pain. I have been through more than I thought I had the strength to go through and had more setbacks than I ever imagined I could handle. I have relied more on God and have developed a deeper relationship with Him. I have grown closer to my husband and have seen our struggles strengthen our bond. I have discovered an incredible network of infertility bloggers who are experiencing things similar to what I am experiencing. I have been encouraged and supported by dear friends and family, and have seen how much my husband and I are loved.
I think you have to find the silver linings to get through all the awful parts of infertility. You have to recognize and count your blessings, even on the worst days. Especially on the worst days! I haven’t been blessed with children yet, but I believe it will happen one day, and I know I am blessed in so many other ways.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
Our blog is brand new, so don’t judge! We’re still figuring out what we’re doing. Looks like we’re set to do IVF toward the end of May. We are having a silent auction starting May 17th and lasting through May 31st to raise money for our treatment. We’ve had a lot of people donate goods and services, and we’d love to have you check it out!
Good luck to all of you out there who are trying to conceive. You are not alone. I wish you good news and lots of peace to get you through!
Many thanks to Ruth for sharing her infertility story with us. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.
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