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Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. Today I’m pleased to be interviewing Monica from Bright-Side Babs. I enjoyed getting to know her better and I hope you do, too!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
Hello! My name is Monica. I blog under the name brightside-babs. (That’s also my Twitter handle.) I am 33 years old, married, and a lover of Jesus. I own a small in-home daycare where I spend my days loving on the best kiddos around. I am a devoted fur baby mom, loving daughter, proud aunt, faithful big sister, and annoying little sister. I take my job of being an obnoxious middle child very seriously! I love deeply and feel deeply, and I’m an over-sharer. I will tell anyone just about anything about me. It makes for some fantastically awkward situatons!!
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive for over three years now. We just recently went public with our struggle to have children. We are currently living with unexplained infertility, meaning both our bodies appear to be in working order, but we have not been able to conceive. We are still doing more tests to check my egg reserve. I also have to get clearance from my cardiologist and neurologist for a heart issue and a pituitary cyst before we prepare for our first IUI. Our state does not mandate fertility treatment coverage, so our insurance will only cover testing. I’m not sure what that means for us except that IVF is off the table at this point.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
Oh! Where to begin? First. I read my Bible every day. I believe that is the single most important source of encouragement to me. I am currently reading through the Bible on a historical plan where you read the books in the order they were written. I adore the Old Testament. It absolutely fascinates me, and I get utterly giddy with excitement when I read little references to Jesus. God’s whole plan is so mind-blowingly magnificent. It reminds me of all the trouble He went to, to save me and of His great love for me. I have a lot of favorite verses, but currently I have been meditating on Deuteronomy 8:2 “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
I don’t read a lot of non-fiction or self help books, but I am an avid fiction reader. I love books especially books that change my heart. Two books in the last year have been what I call “life changers”: Christy and A Tree Grows In Brooklyn. Christy I loved for a fresh application of Biblical truths, and A Tree Grows In Brooklyn I loved for perspective on perseverance and struggles that many people faced and still face today that I will never endure. Struggles that make my life look breezy!
My favorite quote right at this moment is “Life is like a piano, in that the white keys represent happiness and the black keys sadness, but as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also make music.” (Unknown)
I just find the idea of sadness being an intricate part of our character growth and personal development to be very moving.
I also really find this quote interesting and thought provoking: “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” (Pema Chodron)
The song that moves me the most is “If You Want Me To” (iTunes link) by Giny Owens. I dare you to not cry when you hear it.
As you can see, I take encouragement and inspiration from every possible source! That comes with being one of those disgustingly creative types.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
My husband and I deal with infertility exactly how we deal with every other problem in life…completely differently, but as a team. I need to talk about it…a lot. He needs time to process and space to think. I cry a lot and struggle with being positive. He never appears outwardly upset and fully believes it will happen for us in time. I need to talk about it…a lot. Oh, wait did I already mention that? Haha. I’m an open book and will tell anyone absolutely anything about myself. He is very private and introverted. But with all these differences we come together as one like God intended. We try really hard (on our good days) to respect each other’s needs, and we know that whatever happens our goal is to have a family not just a pregnancy and that family needs our marriage in tact. One of the things we do to maintain that connection is to pray every night together. Having my husband pray over me is a great joy to me, and I know it blesses our relationship.
Q. What made you decide to do a Tumblr blog about your journey?
Having recently come out of the “infertility closet” as it were, I knew that God was calling me to share my story. I love writing, and I felt it was high-time I start honoring Him in this difficult time. I chose tumblr because it’s free to create your blog, and it comes with a built-in community of readers. As you know, there are a lot of women struggling with infertility. As I have gotten more acquainted with tumblr, I realized that there is a deep need for positive, uplifting, and encouraging content on that platform, especially Bible-based content, so I feel like I can make a difference there. The purpose for my blog being called brightside-babs is to remind me daily to inject positivity into the world and not be another angry bitter voice in the crowd. Babs is just one of my hubster’s nicknames for me, but it’s my favorite. That and Bobcat, but I thought that might be confusing and weird!
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
To be honest, I haven’t always been the best at taking care of myself. I do read my Bible and pray every day. I try to eat fairly healthy, but I don’t torture myself since my weight isn’t an issue. I try to find happiness in the life I’m living right now which isn’t always easy, but I try to spend a lot of time working on creative projects. I allow myself to have bad days, and have worked hard on building a support system of really amazing friends around me, and I’m trying to make connections in the infertility community. And I blog! It’s really quite helpful just to get the feelings out!
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
This past fall and winter was pretty awful. I had just started trying to pursue medical treatment for infertility, my marriage was suffering from almost three years trying to conceive, and then to top it off our church imploded in a really public way (I’m talking allegations of fraud and embezzlement as well as personal failures by the pastor. Not your average “church split”), and one of my best friends broke up with me when we chose to leave that situation. It was an almost unbearable amount of awful. I’ve survived by hiding myself in His word, building more stable and meaningful friendships, and making purposeful efforts to repair the damage in our marriage. I think sometimes all we can do is try to get through to better times, lean on God, and try our best to make positive changes.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
I think God is still working on showing me what those are in my life. My friendships have definitely been a silver lining. I have had so many people reach out to me in kindness, and that is incredibly humbling. In any difficult or painful situation I find the silver lining is almost always that He has taught me how to love others better. I continue to try to find joy in the fact that He is refining and perfecting my faith through these trials.
Q. Anything else you’d like to tell my readers?
This journey of infertility stinks. It threatens to suck the life right out of you, but it doesn’t have to steal your life away. It doesn’t have to steal your compassion away. It doesn’t have to steal your empathy away. It doesn’t have to steal your friendships away. My prayer for each of us is that we would honor our Father in Heaven who knows our pain and sorrow, our grief and longing, our heartache and loneliness better than anyone. I pray we would find a way to make our pain work FOR us as God intends. And finally, my prayer for all of us is that He, in His great wisdom, would provide each of us with exactly what we need to be fulfilled and that we would have the ability to recognize it because we are worth so much more than our infertility. You are all worth so much more. Soldier on, dear ones.
Special thanks to Monica for sharing her infertility story with us. Please leave her a comment to let her know you appreciate her.
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