Brandy’s Infertility and Adoption Story

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand.  I’m always excited for interviews, but I’m especially excited for this one.  Brandy is a “real-life” friend and this is the first time I’ve interviewed someone (besides my husband) with whom I have an offline friendship.  We used to attend the same church, and mutual friends introduced us after finding out we share similar stories.  Brandy is one of the first people I met who was willing to talk openly about her struggles with infertility.  She and her husband were a huge support and inspiration to me and my husband, and we are so grateful for their friendship.  Enjoy her interview!

Q.  Tell us a little about yourself.

I am 37 and married to a brilliant Chemistry professor and Christian man. We have two dogs (Boston Bulldog & a Mastador) and one cat (our regal jaguar). Our most recent addition to our family is our beautiful son (2.5 yrs. old) and his adoption finalized on April 6, 2015. I have my Bachelor’s degree in Health & Human Service with a minor in Child Development, but I work full time as a sales person. I’m the iconic American melting pot – My mom’s German/Irish decent and my dad is Spanish/Italian decent. A fun fact, I am related to Doc Holiday, so “I’ll be your huckleberry!”

Q.  How long did you try to conceive and what issues were you facing?

My husband and I started our journey shortly after our marriage in June 2006. We went several years without any intervention and later escalated our approach with two separate doctors. Our attempts included the natural approach, medications such as Clomid + Metformin, 5 IUIs, and 3 failed IVFs. I had an ectopic pregnancy during one of IUI cycles in August 2010 and I lost one of my fallopian tubes when it ruptured. During our IVF cycles, I received the maximum safe dosage on the drugs used to stimulate egg growth. My original diagnosis was PCOS, but later during our IVF transitions, I was diagnosed with ovarian failure. Essentially, my body did not produce enough hormones to create a viable egg(s) and my body did not respond to any of the medications. In February 2012, I made the decision to stop medical treatments (IUI, IVF, etc.). 

Q.  Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?

Of course, I did not know Lisa then… ☺  Some of my greatest encouragement came from other women who had similar experiences. For the longest time, I kept silent and isolated from the world (big mistake). These women let me know I wasn’t alone. However, several women came into my life to speak love, hope, and truth. The greatest encouragement for me came from God’s word: Psalm 113:9, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 34:18, and countless stories (1 Samuel about Hannah, Genesis about Sarah and Rachel). I was very surprised how many women in the Bible encounter similar pain and desire. Their stores are packed with undervalued miracles of God’s compassion & grace.

A few outside resources were very helpful:

• Hannah’s Hope (book)
• Sarah’s Laughter (website, daily emails, and workbooks)

Q.  Did you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or did you handle it differently?

Ha, we were very different. For several years, I secluded myself. I did not want to attend family events. My husband’s family is very large, and many of his cousins had young children. Two of his cousins have five kids each and most of them were born during those dark years. I became very depressed, and didn’t enjoy my hobbies anymore; I rarely wanted to leave the home. It seemed like everywhere I went, I saw pregnant women and it was very painful. My husband found solace in family and he got very active (training for his first marathon, working, etc.). The pain of infertility nearly ended our marriage. Only through LOTS of prayer and the grace of God were we able to survive.

Q.  What was your lowest point and how did you survive it?

Gosh, do I need to pick just one… I think it was when I was first diagnosed. The reality of the situation really hit me hard. I remember crying in the bathtub begging God to remove this pain and desire from me. I couldn’t understand why He would allow me to suffer in this way. (For the record, I do not believe God wanted us to suffer, or even that He gets kicks watching us suffer. Rather, He uses our suffering to pull us closer to Him – and for His Glory and to help others). I remember being very angry with God. I struggled trusting God and His Plan for a long time. It took several years and complete surrender before He revealed to me His plan and purpose for our family.

Q.  You just finalized the adoption of your son after fostering him for a few years.  What was the most challenging thing about foster care / adoption?

Not having control! You really have to be like a reed floating down the river of the CPS system. You cannot force things to happen and just have to trust things will work out. You also have to realize the social workers are there to help the kids. I think once we understood the process, it was easier. I did not always agree with their system, but the laws are there to give the kids an opportunity to have a healthy family. It helped to develop good, working relationships with your kid’s social worker. If you need to vent or get frustrated, find a mentor to help you through the hard times.

Q.  What advice would you give to someone who is considering foster care or adoption?

Oh my gosh… Where do I start?!

I do not believe adoption is a replacement for the pain of infertility. However, if you are considering this route, foster/adoption is the biggest blessing you and your child will experience. You both will both suffer loss of some kind. It is still hard sometimes to realize I will not be able to have a child through natural birth. My son lost both his biological parents, even if he was an infant when it happened. However, we both gained something miraculous! We gained love for each other and gained a forever family.

All of those little moments with him cannot be quantified. I will never forget the first time my son told me, “I love you, mommy!” and every time since then. Just yesterday, our son specifically instructed daddy to take a picture of just him and me together! My heart is overwhelmed with joy, because my son wanted a picture of the two of us together! Those little moments make every tear and painful memory worth the wait. I would do it all over again just for the opportunity to be my son’s mom – even for a single day!

Do not let fear of the unknown stop you from considering this option. So many children need the love of a family and so many families need a child. Biological connection does not guarantee this bond. I was adopted (and I can share so much of my story to help drive this point), but FAMILY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE. The bonds you develop with your adoptive child are as strong as, and often stronger, than biological connections.

My favorite adoptive saying… You didn’t grow in mommy’s tummy, but you grew in mommy’s heart! <3

Q.  Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?

There is always hope! Whether you are at the beginning of TTC or have been struggling for years or looking for new options – there is always hope! Sometimes our blessings come in unsuspecting and unplanned ways. Sometimes it comes through the joy of a successful positive pregnancy test, sometimes it is through adoption, and sometimes it is through surrender. I don’t know how your story will end, but I believe something beautiful can be made out of the brokenness.

I had the incredible opportunity to share my testimony at a women’s event. If you are interested, the audio version was posted to Dropbox. I hope it blesses you and gives you hope in your current situation!  {Note from Lisa:  I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you listen to Brandy’s testimony.  She goes into more depth about her story and it’s incredibly moving}.

Jesus loves you! God Bless!

Special thanks to Brandy for sharing her infertility and adoption story. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her!

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you make a purchase after clicking on one of the links, I receive a small commission (at no extra cost to you). This post is linked up with several different blog hops. You can see all the hops in which I participate here.

Connect with me on {Facebook} | {Pinterest} | {Twitter}| {Instagram}