When Your Daughter Struggles With Infertility, Too {Janet’s Story}

Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m interviewing Janet Thompson, author of 18 books and the founder of Woman to Woman mentoring. She shares her infertility story and that of her two daughters, too. Enjoy!

Q.  Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a Christian author, speaker, and editor and the founder of Woman to Woman Mentoring and About His Work Ministries. The Lord has had me doing His work writing 18 books and speaking around the USA and Canada. My husband, Dave, and I are the grandparents of 11 grandchildren and we enjoy life in the rural mountains of Idaho after living in Southern California my entire life.

Q.  Your book features your infertility story and that of your two daughters. Briefly describe the struggles each of you faced.

I was told after an emergency appendectomy in my senior year of college, which turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst, that my ovaries looked like those of a 90 year-old woman and I would never have children. I was engaged to be married and devastated by the news. However, I was blessed to get pregnant naturally with my miracle baby, Kim. I always worried that she too might have fertility issues, which alarmingly she did.

After several failed attempts at artificial insemination, they adopted my sweet grandson and apparently Kim got pregnant the night before they picked him up. People tend to say that happens all the time, but it really doesn’t. You just hear about those times. Kim and her husband felt like adopting was God’s ministry plan for them, and when they did, God blessed them with a baby, but they would have been fine with adopting more.

As it turned out Kim had two natural pregnancies. My step-daughter, Shannon, was married seven years with no baby so they did IVF successfully, but she did lose a fallopian tube. However, they tried four more times over a six-year period to have a second child so she knows the heartache of secondary infertility. Finally, the fifth time they were successful, but it took a toll on their marriage.   After going through bankruptcy and losing their home, they separated and later divorced when their second child was only two years old- a heartbreak to everyone.

Q.  Why did you decide to write a book about your stories?

I wrote Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide to Couples on the Infertility Journey because I personally experienced the heartache these women feel and watched my two daughters suffer such pain and loneliness. It’s such a personal subject and few people understand or know how to comfort these couples. I knew that by sharing stories of other couples, we could offer these couples support and love. My two daughters agreed to share their very different stories also. Unfortunately, the church has not been good about reaching out to couples with love and understanding.   In fact, many say they feel the loneliest in church, which breaks my heart. So I also wanted them to find comfort in God’s Word and know that He has not abandoned them and He has a plan for each one. Trusting God is where they’ll find the most peace.

Q.  What was it like watching your daughters struggle with infertility after your own journey?

It was heartbreaking. I felt their pain and loss so personally and felt so helpless. I knew my role was to pray for them and encourage them, especially with each disappointment they encountered. My husband and I fasted from sugar and sweets and prayed for both couples to become parents. We didn’t know how God would do it, but we knew He had a plan for each family if we didn’t lose hope. It was especially hard when Shannon got pregnant and Kim still was not a mom. Their other two siblings had started their family, so Kim really felt left out and devastated. It was a hard role for my husband and me to be excited about new grandbabies, but still be empathetic to Kim’s sadness.

Q.  How did you and your daughters care of yourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually during the tough times?

A lot of prayer and relying on God. Shannon joined a RESOLVE support group and a group at Saddleback Church called Empty Arms. We all cried a lot and talked about it. I think that’s so important. So often couples don’t want to talk because it seems so private, but then they’re carrying the burden alone. It’s a release to talk or journal. I have places in my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, for readers to journal and also questions for group discussion.  Sometimes they don’t want to talk about their infertility because of people’s reactions, so I also include in the book, “The Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do and To say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.” There’s also gentle answers for the couples to give to well-meaning comments and a “Sanity Tools” section with tips on how to cope with all the emotions.

Physically, Kim was a fitness instructor so she got lots of exercise and both girls tried eliminating foods that might inhibit pregnancy that they researched. Kim also did acupuncture.

Q.  What’s the one piece of advice you’d give to a woman who is struggling with infertility?

Pray, pray, pray together as a couple and trust God.

Many thanks to Janet (and her daughters) for sharing their infertility story.  Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.  You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.  

If you liked Janet’s interview, be sure to check out all my other interviews here.  

Images courtesy of Janet Thompson and Pixabay

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