Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m happy to introduce you to Jackie, who blogs over at The Last Key. She tells us about preparing for her first IVF cycle, and how she’s dealing with PCOS and endometriosis. Enjoy!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Jackie and I’ll be 29 years old in November. I live in Lee’s Summit, MO (suburb of Kansas City) with my husband Bert and my 10 year old step-daughter, Kylee lives with us part-time. We also share our home with a 3-legged Pit Bull named Captain and an English Bulldog, Lola. I recently left my career as a manager at a local animal welfare organization and began working at a local restaurant to focus fully on my health and our upcoming IVF adventure. In our free time, my husband and I enjoy being a part of our church’s praise and worship team, volunteering with our high school youth, and cheering on local KC sports! Go Royals!
I have lived in the Kansas City area all my life. Both my father and step-father were Lutheran ministers and my mom is the Office Manager of a local church. I have 1 full brother, 4 half siblings and 2 step-siblings, all of which are married with 17 children between them. I am the youngest sibling. My husband’s parents have been married for over 30 years and he has an older sister. Our family is very close and have always been Christ-driven. Our family is a large part of my support system.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
My husband and I have been married since May 2012. Since we have been married, we have been unofficially trying (not – not trying, if that makes sense). We did miscarry in August 2012. We believe I was possibly 6 or 7 weeks along. I had taken a pregnancy test the night previously and before we had the chance to even comprehend the positive result, the next morning I experienced heavy bleeding and cramps. I spoke with a nurse on the phone who confirmed it was most likely a miscarriage.
At the end of June 2014, I experienced a horrific 5-day stint where I was admitted to our local hospital for extreme pelvic pain. At the time we thought it was due to an ovarian cyst that may have ruptured as I have had multiple recurrences since I was 13 years old. After having a laparoscopy and cystectomy, it was found that I have Stage IV-Endometriosis that basically has adhered to almost everything in my abdomen. I received 6 months of Lupron injections to prevent it spreading and to basically “restart” my system. After 10 months of joyous menopause-like symptoms (not!), I took it upon myself to get a referral to a reproductive center after feeling something still wasn’t right. It was there they diagnosed me with PCOS along with the Endometriosis. Blood work also showed I was pre-diabetic, insulin resistant, and had a fatty liver. All of this is in addition to my already diagnosed Hypothyroidism that has never been fully controlled. I have started multiple medications to prepare my body for our first IVF cycle after the first of the year.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
The first book I read was Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake. I received the recommendation from a friend at church who had led a Bible study using the material in the book. It was the closest relation I could find to someone who had written about having PCOS and Endometriosis. It was a wonderful read and I believe my favorite part involved the sections titled “Burden Bearers” for those who are close to the person effected by infertility, explaining how to support, what to say and not to say and what to expect. There are also many Bible verse references offered at the end of each chapter.
A day after my husband and I had our consultation at the reproductive specialist’s office and found out that using IVF would be our greatest and possibly only chance at having children of our own. We were also told that sooner is better than later due to multiple hospitalizations and ER visits for pain and complications in the recent months. Hearing about infertility, treatments and the costs were bad enough but the fact that we were now on a time crunch, I felt like my world was crashing down around me. The following day, on my way to work, I heard the song “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns. There is a line in the chorus that says, “Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” I had been struggling and asking God why he would allow this to happen to me knowing my one dream in life was to be a mom. This is a song I find myself listening to frequently to remind myself there’s a reason for everything and He is in control.
I, like most women, have turned to websites such as Pinterest, Facebook Groups, The Bump, and others to receive encouragement from women who are experiencing infertility.
Amateur Nester was actually the first page I was referred to by multiple friends when they found out what we were going through!
Finally, when trying to brainstorm names to start a blog, I began reading hundreds of inspirational quotes. I ran across the quote, “Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” I realized THAT’S IT! The metaphor in my life right now is the equivalent of having a lock (infertility) and I’m desperately searching for the key.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
I would say my husband and I cope in some ways the same and other ways differently. My husband is a huge support system for me and he is very strong in his faith, both of which I’m extremely grateful. I would be lying if I said that sometimes his “if it’s meant to be” attitude doesn’t clash with my inner control freak. I’m more of a take charge, research, and spew all my newly-found facts at the dinner table type of person while he sits back and takes it all in and is a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I will say we are learning a lot about each other, our individual beliefs and our limits as we continue on this voyage.
My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. A very large, unexpected struggle for me has been not to be littered with resentment and the thought he doesn’t care as much as I do about trying to conceive because “he already has a child”. With that said, communication has been, by far, the greatest priority in our lives right now to ensure we discuss our concerns, with the process and with each other, the moment they arise.
Q. You just started blogging at The Last Key. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
The evening I was told I had Endometriosis and again when I found out I had PCOS, I turned to the internet. I’m not sure what I was looking for. I think just answers, tips, and overall encouragement. I found a variety of statistics, some inconsistent, and mostly stories and facts about women with Endometriosis or PCOS, but not both. It seemed finding someone to relate to with my health AND pursuing IVF all while receiving inspiration and hope seemed to be non-existent. If anything, I found a variety of posts or questions on sites such as The Bump or even Yahoo Answers with issues similar to mine, but no replies or comments.
I want to provide an open-book experience for those who may be experiencing what I am, and raise awareness to those who don’t understand infertility or realize how many couples it affects. I also want to share with our friends and family, who have been incredibly supportive, what we are going through and update them in real time in a one-stop, easy location where they can easily find information about our journey.
Q. You’re planning on starting your first IVF cycle in January 2016. What questions or concerns do you have about IVF? Maybe some of the readers who read this post can answer your questions or give you encouragement in the comments.
Mostly, I want to know how others have survived their IVF cycles emotionally and physically. I already feel I’m an emotional mess and physically, well I’m a walking health disaster! It’s hard not to feel like this may completely break me.
To those who have stood where I am, what helped keep your spirits up and stop you from giving up on everything? Also, what advice would you give to uplift a couple going through IVF?
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
Definitely. I feel my relationship with God and my faith is growing and only getting stronger. It took infertility for me to realize I am not in control before I was able to attempt to completely surrender. I say attempt because surrendering fully to Him is something I’m still working on. That darn control freak in me is making it very hard, haha! I realize now I always thought I was entitled to be a mom and that I thought I was being punished because I wasn’t a mom to my own children by now but that’s not the case. I decided to start blogging because I felt God wants me to be a voice to others. I feel He wants me to share how I have felt at my lowest point and how He is using my infertility to grow my faith and my marriage. I feel a true testimony is in the works and I’m excited to see where this take me.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
To those who have completed their journey or are “seasoned veterans”, please keep the newbies in mind. You were in our shoes once, too. As women it is important to empower one another and lean on each other in our weakest and most frail moments. I seek your knowledge and look to you for guidance. Share it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. We can all learn from your experiences, emotions and reciprocate support.
To the rookies, guess what? I’m a rookie, too. I may not know you specifically but I do know you are strong, amazing, and should be proud of your dedication and what you are capable of. Embrace your adventure and even though it may seem like you’re in it alone, you’re not. There are thousands of us just like you. Although, my story may not be exactly like yours, we are all searching for “the last key”.
To any one, if you need support, advice, uplifting, or just an ear, we may not know each other but I want you to know, I’m here for you! Contact me anytime!
Many thanks to Jackie for sharing her PCOS and endometriosis story with us. Please leave a comment below to let her know you appreciate her, and give her some advice on the questions she has about IVF.
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