Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. Today, I chatting with Brittany. She does not have a blog, but she recently released a beautiful, touching video about her infertility experience on her Go Fund Me page, where she and her husband raised funds for IVF. She’s currently in the middle of her first IVF cycle.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Brittany and I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father, a wife to the best elementary Physical Education teacher, a Buckeye, a perfectionist, a shopaholic, a fitness enthusiast, a lover of furry animals (just to look at), and a former Intervention Specialist (Special Education teacher). My husband, Bryan, and I live in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio and we bleed “scarlet and gray”! I was an Intervention Specialist for six years before retiring (just a “tad” early) in order to prepare for our IVF journey.
I was born and raised in Ohio while Bryan is from New Jersey. We met while serving on summer staff at a Young Life camp in the Dominican Republic on June 5, 2009. On June 5, 2010, we were married! We enjoy watching sports together, being active and spending time with our family and friends.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
Oh boy… Where to begin?! Around six months after we were married, I stopped birth control because I felt that it just wasn’t right for my body and of course, we were open to becoming parents at that point. We were excited and hopeful! Since December of 2010, we have not been preventing pregnancy. Since then, we have not had a pregnancy.
After a few years of no pregnancy, we knew something wasn’t right. During a conversation one night in early 2013, Bryan had mentioned that he thought he might have a varicocele vein, which can impact fertility. I was hesitant to seek help for a while because I thought it could be stress-related for me, and because I had had some spouts of irregular periods in the past. I was set on not mentioning anything to my OB-GYN until my annual exam, which was in the fall of 2013. Looking back, I believe I just didn’t want the help. I am a very Type-A personality, and just couldn’t get around the fact that we probably would not be able to get pregnant on our own.
During my appointment with my OB-GYN, she ordered some routine blood work for me to have done and a sperm analysis for Bryan to complete. My lab work all came back normal, while Bryan’s sperm analysis showed that his motility was extremely low. We were referred to a fertility specialist, where we were then referred to a urologist for Bryan’s low motility. In the meantime, all my lab work that the fertility specialist ordered was coming back normal as well.
In February of 2014, Bryan had surgery to hopefully repair his varicocele vein. The urologist said it was pretty much a coin-flip as to whether the surgery would be successful. However, we had to wait 3-4 months after surgery to find out whether it worked or not. The urologist also stated that he sees most pregnancies 8 – 9 months after surgery. In June of 2014, Bryan’s sperm analysis showed that the surgery had increased his motility! We were hopeful that we would be pregnant by the fall, and the urologist said that with Bryan’s high volume and increased motility, we were great candidates for IUI and that he wasn’t worried about Bryan’s new numbers.
In November of 2014, we scheduled our first IUI, which was unsuccessful. This IUI was disappointing in that, of course, it was unsuccessful but Bryan’s motility had also decreased over the past few months. We scheduled another IUI for December of 2014 but it was cancelled due to my unresponsiveness to the medications.
In the meantime, I felt like something was just “off” with my body. My job at the time was pretty stressful and I was having irregular periods, but something just didn’t feel right. So, I made an appointment with an endocrinologist in February of 2015 and she diagnosed me with mild PCOS and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an auto-immune disease of the thyroid. She had put me on Metformin to treat the mild PCOS and also put me on Synthroid to get my thyroid level down to an optimal level since we were trying to achieve pregnancy.
We switched fertility doctors in the spring of 2015 and planned another IUI with him in May of 2015. My body did not react appropriately to the Synthroid, which caused me to have hyperthyroidism. When I stopped the Synthroid, my thyroid levels sky-rocketed and I then became hypothyroidism. We were so discouraged! We had to cancel our May 2015 IUI due to my uncontrolled thyroid levels and we actually were told by both doctors that we could NOT get pregnant. It has taken months for my thyroid to finally be under control, and we were unable to pursue fertility treatments until it was under control. Our new fertility doctor also stated that I did NOT have PCOS, and that I could stop taking the Metformin.
Finally, in August of 2015, we completed another round of IUI. Again, it was unsuccessful. Bryan’s motility had stayed the same as well, and our fertility doctor was not optimistic. It looked like IVF was the route we were going to be taking.
So, here we are! We are in the midst of IVF and we are so excited! We started injections on September 23 and if I keep responding appropriately to the medications, our egg retrieval and embryo transfer is scheduled for the week of October 5!
Q. How long have you been public about your struggle and why did you decide to make a video and fundraising page?
Our close friends and family have known about our struggle for a couple of years now. We did not go public with our infertility struggle until we shared our GoFundMe video in September of 2015.
Infertility is such a quiet and lonely struggle, and a lot of people just don’t know what to say. It is difficult for me to receive sympathy and be vulnerable, and how would I even go about announcing that we can’t have our own kids on social media?
As we worked through trying to understand God’s purpose for our infertility this summer, we felt that God was calling us to tell the world about our struggle and the hope He has given us through this time. Our first priority in sharing the video was to share the Gospel and share the Good News with others who are struggling, whatever it may be. Since we have felt very lonely at times, we desired to make our story public so that anyone else struggling with infertility would know that they are not alone.
We also prayed through the fundraising portion of the video. IVF is costly, and we were unsure of how we were going to pay for it, beyond taking out a loan. We also sought advice from others, who encouraged us to allow others to help us financially.
In less than a week, we raised the full amount of our IVF costs. We have never felt so much love and encouragement from others. It was such a humbling experience, and I had to set aside my pride when it came to accepting financial donations from others. Honestly, we had no expectations in regards to how much we would raise and we knew it was possible that we could raise very little money. The tremendous response we received from others is only because of God’s grace, and words cannot express how thankful we are for what God provided. We continue to pray that God uses our video to draw others nearer to Him and for them to become followers of Christ. Moreover, the relationships that we formed through sharing the video have solidified the reason we did it!
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
Honestly, I would say that a decent portion of our infertility journey was not spent seeking the Lord’s truth and purpose regarding our infertility struggle. I spent a lot of time angry, bitter, and questioning God. Looking back, I regret not looking at our struggle as a ministry to others.
Within the past year and a half, I began “checking-in” on a couple of infertility blogs that are Christ-centered, including Amateur Nester! At times, reading the posts were such an encouragement but at other times, reading some of the posts regarding unsuccessful fertility treatments made me nervous. I am a “worst-case scenario” type of thinker, and I would quickly believe that the same thing would happen to me. I remind myself that no infertility journey is the same!
On the Holy Bible / You Version app, there are a couple of infertility plans that I found highly encouraging. They are called “A Seed of Hope During Infertility” and “Infertility Encouragement from Sarah’s Laughter”. These apps were so beneficial in that there was Scripture paired with every devotion – these verses gave me faith in the Lord’s perfect plan for parenthood.
Recently, I completed a study entitled “Missing Pieces: Real Hope When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” by Jennifer Rothschild. I completed this study individually. I am so thankful for this study! The author touched on various points regarding God’s fairness, authority, sovereignty and the question I always pleaded to God: “WHY ME?!”
In regards to songs, “Cast My Cares” by Finding Favour was my summer 2015 song! I felt that every single verse to this song really hit home in regards to our infertility struggle. I remember just bawling watching the words to this song go across the screen on my phone. How reassuring it is to know that I can cast every worry on the Lord, and I know that He is listening and has the best intentions for my life. Another song that I love is “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
Boy, do we cope differently! Bryan and I could not be more different when it comes to coping with our infertility. Bryan and I had not been on the same wave-length when it came to pursuing IVF for about a year. He was on the fast-track and I was more hesitant because I just could not get over the fact that we could not get pregnant on our own. I so, so longed to see 2 pink lines on a pregnancy test and to be able to surprise Bryan and all of our family and friends! After our failed IUI in August of this year, I again wanted to just wait another month because I really felt September could be the month! It had been almost five years with no pregnancy; what was going to make September any different? I am extremely thankful that Bryan patiently pushed me towards beginning IVF in September.
There were times when all we felt like we were hearing from doctors was bad news. I coped with the news with the mindset of “this is the way it is” and there is a perfectly good reason why this is all happening. I guess I would say that I experienced a lot of “hard” emotions. Bryan was the complete opposite. There were times when he would cry and become upset and I would just give him “tough love” to comfort him. Not good! Looking back, I was not looking at our infertility struggle as a team effort. We have recently been praying that we would continue to be on the same page with decisions and that we would support each other. Now that we are in the midst of IVF, Bryan and I are closer now than ever before. IVF is such a team effort between husband and wife!
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
During my time as an Intervention Specialist, I experienced a lot of anxiety. My perfectionism did not mix well with all of the paperwork I needed to complete, intense meetings I had to attend, and the various lessons I needed to create for my job. I did spend a couple of months seeing a Counselor to help with the anxiety. After my fifth year of teaching, I took a year off and became a substitute teacher because we also thought that our infertility could be stress-related for me. Since we still were not pregnant, I decided to go back into teaching last school year. This year was the hardest year for me. I desired to be a mom so badly – I dreaded going to school almost every day because I just wanted to be at home with our child, teaching, loving and caring for him or her. On family vacation this summer, the Lord made it clear that I should not go back to teaching this school year. I am so glad we made this decision as my marriage, physical health, emotions and spiritual life are far better than they have been in the past!
I also enjoy working out, but not just to make me feel better physically. I believe that working out is a natural anti-depressant, and it is a great stress reliever! My doctors have informed me that I am unable to work out during IVF, so I am chomping at the bit to get to the gym! Moreover, I also began acupuncture about a month and a half ago. I don’t know how much of the acupuncture will affect my fertility, so I look to it as a stress-reliever! I did give up Instagram and Facebook for a while because I felt that the only pictures I saw were pictures of kids, baby bumps and pregnancy announcements. This hiatus helped tremendously!
Most importantly, prayer and spending time in the Word has helped me to take care of myself, especially in the last few months. The Lord is walking with us during our journey to become parents, and I have felt the Lord’s presence more than ever before. I know that He cries with us, laughs with us, grieves with us, and listens to everything we tell Him.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
Cling to Jesus! Seek out Scripture, Bible studies, faith-based blogs, etc. God will not disappoint. I have to remind myself of this every day, especially now that we are in the midst of IVF. We are nervous, scared, excited, fearful, etc. of the coming weeks. We must remember that God is for us and that His way is the best way, no matter the outcome. Becoming parents is completely out of our control right now, and God will allow us to become parents in His timing. A new friend of mine whom I met through sharing our story publicly gave us great, simple advice: if your fertility treatment doesn’t work, you can always try again! So true! Honestly, infertility just stinks. In better terms, it sucks! It is such a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. So, surround yourself with friends who are supporting you and are sensitive to your struggle. Don’t be afraid to open up about it. Give others grace when they say something insensitive, give unwarranted advice, or just don’t say anything at all and ignore your struggle. You are not alone and if you feel you are, know that Jesus is walking with you every step of the way.
Many thanks to Brittany for sharing her story with us. Don’t forget to watch her amazing video and please leave her encouraging comments to read while she’s in the middle of IVF!
** If you liked this interview, be sure to check out my other interviews, too! **
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