Each week I interview someone who has firsthand experience with infertility. I recently came across Jennifer Kostick’s blog and thought she’d be the perfect person to share her story here. She graciously agreed, even though she currently has an extremely busy schedule. I hope you’re encouraged by her story today.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
Hi! My name is Jennifer Kostick, and I’m a wife, mother, author, blogger, and speaker who loves to encourage women through my story of hope.
Q. How long did you try to conceive and what issues were you facing?
My husband and I faced secondary infertility. Over a 15 year period, we faced five miscarriages and a stillborn daughter. We lost her at 35 weeks due to an umbilical cord accident. I was only 22 years of age at the time, and after that my body decided to quit working all together.
Our infertility diagnosis ended up being diminished ovarian function. We had to fight hard not only in prayer, but with powerful fertility drugs.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
My husband and I spent years in youth ministry, and one of the girls who had graduated high school asked if I would be willing to speak to her Child Development class at a local community college. I gave a 55 minute lecture and quickly realized I was called to write my story and speak to women who needed encouragement through trials.
I then went to work on the first draft of my book, Nothing to Hold but Hope, and before long began blogging about my journey. However, my blog has evolved into a devotional style faith blog. It’s meant to speak to hurting women in many different areas.
Q. How did you take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
Truthfully, it was one day at time, one breath at a time, and one prayer at a time. It wasn’t easy, especially after all the loss we had to suffer through, but for us, church was fundamental in the healing process. Serving others and living as normally as possible was key.
It’s all too easy to become wrapped up in ourselves when dealing with the frustrating pain of infertility and loss. The best thing I did was to take the spotlight off myself and try to help others. I became involved in everything I could because if I didn’t, I had too much time on my hands to think about everything I was enduring.
I tried to keep myself physically healthy through diet and exercise, but sometimes the depression would win and those things were often the first to go out the window. All the doctors say not to stress, yeah right! It’s almost impossible to take that advice and succeed.
Q. What was your lowest point and how did you survive it?
It’s almost impossible to choose a low point. There were just too many to count over those 15 years. I guess if I had to think of a moment off the top of my head, it would be my 30th birthday. When I was a young girl I had plans for myself, much like we all do, that I would have 4 children. I had grand plans of having them all before age 30. I remember sitting in the bathtub on my 30th birthday sobbing because I felt like all my dreams were slipping away and God wasn’t hearing me.
The good news is that I could not have been more wrong. Every day of that journey helped form me into who I am today. Even after all that pain, I wouldn’t trade it. I’ve been able to help women all over the world through my blog because of the grief I’ve endured.
As to… How did I survive my lowest point? Well, I just kept living. We can’t give up, not for a moment. We have to go on everyday with determination knowing there is a plan for our lives and no matter what, we are going to live it out to the fullest.
Q. What advice would you give to someone who has just experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth?
Give yourself time. Don’t deny your pain, because as much as you can’t live in the middle of it, you cannot run from it either. You need time to grieve and heal. That beautiful baby, no matter how little time you knew them, was your child. You are now a mother and knitted to that soul forever, whether you got to raise them here on earth or not. You will make it through this. You might not feel God, but He is with you.
Q. Were you able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
Absolutely. I’m a much more compassionate and understanding individual. I write and speak to women I would have, otherwise, never had the opportunity to meet. Don’t get me wrong, I still grieve for the little lives I never got to truly know. But, friend, we have to learn to look at the positive in everything. If we don’t, we will go crazy with regret over situations we never had any control over.
Q. How did your experience affect how you view your children now?
I am so over the moon thankful for my children. I’m still in awe that I can even use the word children to describe my family situation. Having babies is a gift that some take for granted. It’s an extremely beautiful thing to learn to respect life in only the way a woman who has struggled with infertility can. It’s actually one of the gifts – we get to appreciate every moment through a very different lens.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
Thank you so much for allowing me to share some of my story with you. Even though each struggle is different, we can all learn from each other.
It’s so important to surround yourself with people who will lift you up and support you. I also want to caution that even those who love you the most won’t always know what to say. It’s not their fault, everybody wants to help, and, unfortunately, there are no words. It’s okay. Take a deep breath and remember you’re not alone. God is faithful and you will get through this!
If you would like to know my whole story – including all my ups and downs – I have a book entitled, Nothing to Hold but Hope. Or, you could visit me over at my blog. Feel free to send me an email at jen@jenniferkostick.com if you have an questions or need any advice. I’ve been through just about everything, including in vitro fertilization. I don’t have all the answers, but I can try.
Many thanks to Jennifer for sharing her secondary infertility story with us. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.
If you’re looking for more encouragement during infertility, be sure to check out my book, 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility.
Photos courtesy of JenniferKostick.com.
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