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Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week I’m chatting with Erin about infertility, foster care, and faith. I hope you enjoy her interview as much as I did.
Q. Tell us about yourself.
I’m a lover of Jesus, wife of 4 ½ years and soon-to-be foster momma. My husband and I moved back to our little Indiana town about a year ago to pursue ministry and be closer to our families. I am a hairstylist in a small, hometown salon. I love all things cooking, spending quality time with my little family {Darek + 2 pups}, visiting local breweries and wineries, playing with watercolors and brewing Kombucha.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
We had been trying to conceive {seriously} for about two years when we finally met with our doctor. In January of 2015, I was diagnosed with PCOS and Endometriosis. My husband, 0% morphology. Once the doctor decided we weren’t candidates for Clomid, we decided to stop Western medicine treatment and enter into Homeopathy, which we’ve recently paused to pursue foster parenting.
Q. Which book has been an encouragement to you?
Oh girl! You must read Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty- it spoke right to my soul and had me bawling like a baby. And, believe it or not, I’ve spent some pretty heavy time in the book of Lamentations and the Psalms. There is something really beautiful about realizing how kindred hearts become while enduring suffering. {Note from Lisa: I’ve read Every Bitter Thing is Sweet and also HIGHLY recommend it. It was one of my favorite books of 2014. If you’re interested in learning more, you can read my full review and my interview with the author, Sara Hagerty}.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope differently?
Most. Definitely. YES! I think it’s mostly because my husband and I are just two completely different creatures. Can I first just say, my husband is amazing and wonderful and great. But he’s also an extreme optimist. I tend to be a realist. My sad days are much more visible than his, which can lead me to forget that he’s hurting too. When my emotions get the best of me, I go to Target. He doesn’t do that. Enough said.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
When we were first diagnosed, I started writing as an outlet. But when we moved back to our hometown, I made the blog public in order to keep our friends and family in the loop. And once we started becoming more transparent about our journey, folks started coming out of the woodwork with their infertility and loss stories. I realized {more than ever} that no one was talking about infertility. Women and men were sitting quietly with their hurt and anger and doubt. It’s such a lonely journey. I wanted to share so others could share. And more importantly, I wanted to dig deep into how The Gospel applies to all of the aspects of infertility.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
This has been really hard- all of it! Infertility takes such a toll on your inner being. There is so much spiritual warfare. But I did find some things that continue to ensure self-care. Physically- YOGA! I realized how much I love yoga. It quiets my busy mind and helps my ‘hairstylist back’. Emotionally- searching through emotions has always been really hard for me. I never know what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it. The best thing for me has been to watch sad movies and shows and just cry! Morbid, I know. Spiritually- I ran from God almost immediately after our diagnosis. But what he’s taught me over the last year is that He desires to show himself to me and He always desires His best for me. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient.
Q. What was your lowest point and how did you survive it?
Throughout the month I can sometimes have pretty severe pain. This past summer I had three nights of agonizing pain- each night worse than the previous. I remember lying in the bathtub on the third night pleading from the depths of my soul for The Lord to take it away. I was completely maxed out on pain medicine, could barely walk and debated whether or not I should go to the ER. I woke up after the third night in tears. I felt tortured, betrayed, forgotten. I cried out to My God and, yet, he seemed to be ignoring me. And even though it took me a few months, His grace a mercy pulled me through.
Q. Have you been able to find a silver lining in your infertility?
Yes, but it’s taken me about a year to get there. Haha. He really does make beauty from ashes. Infertility is the strongest reminder that this world isn’t how it was meant to be. The hurt, the pain, the grief. But when you can find joy in Jesus- that is the beauty in the brokenness. That He meets me right where I am. That no matter how I feel toward Him, He still calls me ‘beloved’.
Q. Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers?
There will be a time where you have to make a decision to take the next step in growing your family. That might mean more treatment, finally calling the adoption agency or getting signed up for foster parenting classes. It’s going to be REALLY hard. And while your decision might set you on a different path than what you originally intended, that doesn’t mean you have to say no to your original plan forever. You’re just going to have to choose to focus on a different path for a little while.
Many thanks to Erin for sharing her story with us. Please leave a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.
If you enjoyed this interview, check out my other interviews here!
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