Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week, I interviewed fellow cheese-and-carb addict Meredith from It’s Positive. She talks about her experience with infertility, PCOS, and why she decided to blog about her journey.
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
I’m an independent writer, editor, and communications professional from Chicago. I live with Matt, my husband of 6 years, and our silly Goldendoodle fur-baby Rudy. We love spending time in nature: hiking nature paths, spending time by the water, boating, kayaking, etc. I love coffee and chai tea lattes (and frankly, I love anything with carbs or cheese). I’m an unashamed follower and lover of Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior! After leading the majority of my life without a personal relationship with Him, I was saved in 2008 – I’ve been on fire ever since!
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) in March 2013, but we had been trying to conceive for a couple years prior. Our “plan” was to “see what happened” after we got married in 2009 (a.k.a. we were not preventing pregnancy). We tried two rounds of ovulation-stimulating drug plus IUI’s in the summer of 2015 with no success. We’re currently on a break from treatment to enjoy each other. But, my PCOS causes me extreme fatigue and foggy brain, along with completely imbalanced hormones, random weight gain, hypothyroidism, anxiety and depression.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
These two books aren’t infertility specific, but they dramatically influenced by walk as a Christian; both are by Paul E. Miller: “A Praying Life” and “Love Walked Among Us.” But of course, the best book for me throughout these trials: the Bible! God’s Word is never-changing, constant, and true – and is very relevant to today’s culture and our everyday life. Spending more time in the Word has catapulted me to an entirely new level of peace, contentment, and strength as a Christian. I’ve also been intentional about listening to Christian and uplifting music.
I praise the Lord that my husband has given me nothing but constant grace and support throughout this wild ride. He’s never made me feel guilty or ashamed, nor has he lost his temper. But, men and women absolutely process trials and challenges differently – especially infertility. When asked this question, I sat down and really contemplated if infertility challenged our marriage in any negative ways – and it truly hasn’t. Infertility has strengthened our marriage, causing us to rely on each other for support and strength.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
I felt the Spirit’s leading for some time, and I kept feeling a sense of “don’t stay quiet.” I had kept a private blog to share with family and close friends, but I began reading some of my writing and thought: “Okay, more people need to hear about this!” I knew there was a desperate need for community and support for the many women and couples struggling with infertility/loss. Because the Lord has strengthened me to walk in joy and confidence throughout this journey (which by the way, is 100% glory to the Lord – this is not of my own efforts!), I knew I had to share it with the world. I knew it was part of my responsibility to bring the hope only found in Christ through my message. I had nothing to be ashamed of. The transparency of my brokenness has opened more doors for me and others than it would if I had kept this to myself. I never thought I would see my infertility as a gift, but the Lord has graciously shown me that it most certainly is a gift.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I needed to find the fine line where infertility and all the doctors’ appointments and monitoring became an idol in my life. Though we were actively undergoing treatment (2 medicated IUI’s), I pulled back from recording everything my body was doing. I would go into my appointments and the nurses would ask what cycle day I was on, or what my last follicle size was, and I’d just shrug, chuckle, and say: “I don’t know!” I was surprisingly commended by my nurses for not making my entire life about my infertility. I tried to live my life as “normally” as possible. Prayer and reading Scripture have hands down been the most life-giving resource to me throughout infertility. I’ve learned to listen instead of take control. I’ve learned to wait instead of become impatient. I’ve LIVED … I’ve enjoyed the small things in life.
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
My lowest point (besides receiving the PCOS/infertility diagnosis) came from the outside. My Christian beliefs were challenged by other Christians, as it was implied that Matt and I were “playing God” and “not trusting the Lord” by undergoing infertility treatments. This took a huge hit on me emotionally and spiritually. But we decided to keep our mouths shut and not tell others what these specific people were saying (at the risk of being gossipy and ruining other relationships). I felt defensive, incredibly angry, bitter, resentful. I’ve cried more over these hurtful statements more than any negative pregnancy test. To be judged and criticized is never fun for anyone – but when it involves your faith and an intimate struggle – it truly challenges you to an entirely new level. After seeking pastoral council and most importantly, God’s Word, I’ve been able to move past these incidents standing tall in grace, humility, confidence, and strength. I believe the only way to truly “survive” low points like these is to seek the Lord and give it time … moving forward takes time.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
Absolutely! For us personally, our infertility has been a gift. We’ve received the gift of time: Though our hearts would’ve exploded with joy if we got pregnant right after we were married, we wouldn’t have had time to learn more about each other, to grow together, to experience and nurture our marriage. I wouldn’t have had the time (nor the discipline) to sit and read the Bible every morning (sometimes for hours on end!) if a little one was around. Because we were given the gift of time in this way, my faith skyrocketed in knowledge and truth. I found my identity because of this time. I made new Christian friends because of this time. I soaked up the Lord’s gifts of laughter because of this time. I grew … and grew … and grew … because of time. I know now who I am, and that’s a gift I would never want taken away from me. I’ve never felt more confident and content – so in that, I praise my Heavenly Father for choosing me to endure this.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
The medical community likes to use the word “fail” when a procedure or treatment doesn’t take. I’d advise men and women to stop using the word “fail” when they talk about their journeys. I feel like it puts a sense of unwarranted blame on people (especially women). Women then feel like they must try everything under the sun – eat specific food, avoid specific food, drink certain tea, try alternative healings, exercise a certain amount – it becomes a control factor; and when you can do “all the right things” and you still don’t get pregnant, women can bear the weight much more deeply than they should. I’m not saying we shouldn’t take care of our bodies and do the best we can to sustain a pregnancy, but there needs to be an understanding that you only have a limited control over your body and life. You are not a failure! The Lord has good and perfect things planned for your life! Trust Him!
Many thanks to Meredith for sharing her story. Please leave her a comment below to let her know you appreciate her.
If you enjoyed this interview, you can see my other interviews here!
If you’re looking for more encouragement during infertility, be sure to check out my book, 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility.
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