Infertility has been in the news a lot lately. We’ve heard about new advances in reproductive technology, celebrities doing IVF, and the devastating loss of stored embryos and eggs in two fertility clinics. People are becoming more vocal about their experience with infertility, and the shame that once surrounded this disease is starting to lift. That’s a good thing.
But…
If you read the comments section of most mainstream news articles discussing anything infertility-related, you’ll see that we still have along way to go when it comes to removing misconceptions and misunderstandings about infertility and the people who experience it.
I used ignore uneducated comments when I read them, but lately I’ve felt compelled to respectfully respond with facts. In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I am choosing to FLIP THE SCRIPT and challenge incorrect statements about infertility and my fellow infertility warriors.
Here are the three comments I see most frequently and how I respond:
COMMENT: Only rich white people are getting fertility treatments.
FLIP THE SCRIPT: Infertility affects people of all races, ethnicities, and socio-economic backgrounds. While it’s true that treatments are costly and can sometimes be out-of-reach for some, there are many people who are working extra jobs, using their savings, getting a second mortgage, taking out loans, organizing fundraisers, applying for grants, or accepting help from family in order to afford treatments. Yes, a lot of rich, white celebrities are having fertility treatments, but there are also many celebrities of color who are sharing their journeys and advocating for others (Gabrielle Union, Chrissy Teigen and Tyra Banks, to name a few). And there are several thriving online support groups for women of color (like The Broken Brown Egg and Fertility for Colored Girls) that prove that infertility affects everyone.
COMMENT: The world is overpopulated and there are many children who need to be adopted. Fertility treatments are selfish.
FLIP THE SCRIPT: Adoption is a beautiful thing. But it’s a hard thing. People pursuing adoption are not guaranteed to end up with a child. And it can sometimes be just as expensive as fertility treatments. The legal hurdles required to get approved can prove insurmountable for some people who would otherwise make wonderful parents. I know of several people who have been denied approval to adopt or foster because of something stupid they did decades ago at age 18 (like a traffic accident that injured someone else). And why should people experiencing infertility be the only ones expected to adopt? Children who need families should be the responsibility of society as a whole, not just people who cannot bear children themselves.
COMMENT: What do these women expect when they’ve waited until their 40s to have children?
FLIP THE SCRIPT: Infertility is a disease that affects both men and women of any age. It can happen to military veterans who suffered a service-related injury or trauma. It can happen to cancer patients who are undergoing chemotherapy. It can be a side effect of other diseases like endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), thyroid disease, or diabetes. It happens to men and women who have already parented children and suddenly find themselves unable to achieve a subsequent pregnancy. And yes, it happens to women in their 40s who haven’t attempted pregnancy before because maybe they were unable to find a good partner, or perhaps they chose to focus on their career in order to get themselves in a place where they could financially support a baby. (These are the women who are shamed the most because if they were to have a baby and needed financial assistance, society would shame them for that, too). No matter the age, gender, or circumstances of the person suffering from infertility, it is a disease, and often times it’s a completely unexpected or unexplained diagnosis.
Flip the Script for Continued Change
In order to continue creating awareness and cultivating change in society, we must be committed to FLIPPING THE SCRIPT when we read or hear untrue comments about infertility. We need to be able to voice the truth respectfully, succinctly, and accurately.
I challenge you today to pick one untruth or misconception that you commit to FLIPPING THE SCRIPT when you hear or read. Here are some tips:
Practice your verbal response so you can say it with ease.
Consider saving a text file of your response on your computer or phone that you can quickly copy and paste when you see a written comment that needs a truth-filled response.
Read up on the facts about infertility. RESOLVE is a great place to start.
No matter how choose to you FLIP THE SCRIPT, thank you for your advocacy and strength!
First image courtesy of RESOLVE. All other images courtesy of UnSplash. Creative Commons Zero License.
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