Today’s post is part two of a guest post from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. (You can read Part 1 here).
The first part of the post talked about the writer’s experience with sexual dysfunction and what she has learned about its nature. Part two talks about what she has learned about God in the midst of this struggle.
I’m grateful to her for giving me permission to post this.
What Sexual Dysfunction Taught Me About God’s Word
When we turned to His Word we found the comfort we needed and the strength to carry on. God knows us and understands. Psalm 56:8 confirmed to us that God cares for us; “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” He was there all along. He noted and valued every tear. Isaiah 54 has become very precious as a manifesto of how the Lord treats the barren. We discovered Jeremiah 29:11 for the first time:
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope”.
Every day now we regularly turn this light on. Seeing changes everything.
What Sexual Dysfunction Taught Me About God’s People
Looking up included looking outwards. In answer to our prayer, “Where are you God?”, He drew near in the form of His people. They became to us the hands and feet of Jesus. We are no longer alone. Taking the first step was daunting, even terrifying but worth it.
If you are suffering, please find someone trustworthy to talk to. We have been comforted in the arms of a small support network we established – just a handful of loving friends who have committed to continue to walk alongside us for the duration of the journey.
Online communities have been born since sexual dysfunction first gate-crashed our lives. While our entry point into the tribe of infertility warriors is different to many, we truly feel understood here. People speak our language. The shared consequences of our suffering are so well articulated. We chose a few contact points out of the many. Amateur Nester has a special place in our hearts as our springboard into this online community, as does the blog Redeeming Infertility. We would struggle to quantify how blessed we have been through overseas, online love. It’s beautiful how in Christ we can love people we have never met.
Through this we have also been strengthened and built up through reading topical literature written by other infertility warriors. Their words of hope in the gospel have sunk deep into our hearts. Four recommendations would be Lisa’s 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility, Pain Redeemed: When Our Deepest Sorrows Meet God by Natasha Metzler, Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams Into New Beginnings by Sheridan Voysey and Infertility: Comfort for Your Empty Arms and Heavy Heart by Amy Baker.
What Sexual Dysfunction Taught Me About God’s Ways
Answering the question, “Is God good to us?” has been fundamental on our journey of redemption. When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty by Joni Eareckson Tada ably addresses the purposes God has for suffering in our lives. God purposes to bless us. We learn to trust in Him through testing. He is the Refiner who is burning the dross away from his treasured possessions, making us bright and shining images of Himself. We are being redeemed from all of the effects of the Fall. Our identity, our highest calling is to be His image bearers. This gives us purpose.
Sexual dysfunction and childlessness do not define us. We live for His glory. “How Firm a Foundation” has become our favorite hymn. It’s worth contemplating further. It tells our story. Here’s just one verse: “When through the deep waters I call thee to go, the rivers of woe will not thee overflow, For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee, thy deepest distress.”
Where We Stand
By God’s power and grace we stand.
We stand as warriors still in the trenches of sexual dysfunction and infertility.
We stand on the edge of our forties as a childless couple living with sexual dysfunction.
We stand at the end of available treatment cycles with thirteen disappointments to recount, including a miscarriage.
We stand unable to change our circumstances.
We stand changed people.
We stand together.
We stand in love, surrounded by our Redeemer’s love which “reaches deeper than the depths of self despair.”
We stand with wounds and scars and future reservoirs of tears to spill.
We stand as survivors.
We stand on the Rock, fragile but held up by His almighty, omnipotent hand.
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