During the darkest days of my battle with infertility, I remember feeling like so much time was being wasted. I felt like life was on hold and that I had nothing to show for the years I had been waiting.
But looking back now, I see that those years were not as empty as they felt. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the ways I coped with my fear and sadness resulted in new habits. Many of those new habits served me well during my season of infertility, and they continue to serve me now in this new season of my life.
I thought I’d share three of those habits with you today. My hope is that you’ll be intentional about cultivating at least one of them, too.
Habit #1: Creating meaningful goals around your most important values
For the longest time, I resisted making personal goals and writing them down. It seemed like a waste of time because I never followed through and accomplished them. But that was because I was just randomly coming up with goals that seemed like a good idea. They rarely were goals that revolved around my values and my dreams. Once I started creating goals that were meaningful, I started accomplishing more. (If you’re interested in the tool I use to help me do this, check out The Powersheets Intentional Goal Planner).
I think goal-setting during infertility is super-important because it gives you some control over your life during a time when everything else seems out-of-control. Infertility takes away so much of our power, and meaningful goal-setting helps you take some of that power back.
Once you get into the habit of goal-setting this way, it will serve you well during the seasons you enter after infertility.
Habit #2: Staying Rooted in God’s Word
I’ve often said that Scripture is our most powerful weapon when it comes to fighting against bitterness, jealousy, and despair during infertility. The more we hear, read, speak, and write God’s Word, the deeper it takes root in our hearts and minds.
But the need to stay immersed in Scripture doesn’t go away when our season of infertility is over. If you become a parent, you will need Truth to cling to when your world is turned upside down by the beautiful, yet terrifying and exhausting realities of parenthood. And if parenthood is not in your future, you will need God’s Word to guide you as you create new dreams and grieve your old ones.
So how can we stay rooted in God’s Word? The simple answer is to read it, write it, and listen to it as often as we can. The easiest way is to just open your Bible and read it regularly. Pretty Bibles (I have this one!) and special reading plans are fun, but not necessary. If you have trouble reading the Bible, there are many audio versions available, many of them free.
If you really want to slow down and savor God’s Word, writing out Scripture is one way to do it. You can use any old notebook, but I’ve really enjoyed using these Write the Word Journals (my favorite is the “Cultivate Hope” one).
Habit #3: Celebrating both big and the small victories
When we’re stuck in the pit of infertility, it can be tempting to feel like the only thing worthy of celebrating is a pregnancy. But what if we celebrated the little victories along the way? If are intentional in looking for things to celebrate, we will find them!
What kinds of big and small things can you celebrate during infertility? How about…
- a positive ovulation test!
- completing your adoption home-study!
- a successful egg retrieval!
- bravely attending a baby shower for a friend!
- a supportive spouse!
- having the money to pursue treatment!
- God’s sustaining love and strength during a difficult time!
- being bold and sharing your story with someone!
I challenge you to make your own list of things that you can celebrate during infertility. But don’t stop at just writing them down. I want you to actually plan some ways to celebrate them. You don’t have to throw a big party, but think of some action you can take that will be meaningful and celebratory.
If you start getting in the habit of celebrating the small things now, it will be easier to maintain once you have children or move on to new dreams in your life!
Action step: Which of these habits do you need to cultivate the most? What’s one way you can get started doing that today?
P.S. If you’re looking for fun, pretty tools to help you cultivate the habits I mentioned here, check out Cultivate What Matters. They have the Powersheets Intentional Goal Planners, the Write the Word Journals, and tons of other beautiful products to help you create meaningful habits and goals. Their founder, Lara Casey, is an amazing, God-fearing woman with an incredible ministry. Even if you don’t buy any of her products, I highly recommend you check out her blog. It’s full of inspirational and motivating stuff! (Nope, this isn’t a sponsored post. I just love her ministry and store).
