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Each week I interview someone who has experienced infertility firsthand. This week, I’m chatting with Oraly from Waiting for Something Amazing. As a former high school librarian, I love that YA (young adult) books are helping her cope. I hope you are encouraged as she shares her infertility story with us today!
Q. Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Oraly, my husband and I have been married for 8 years this past August. I was born in Nicaragua but came to the U.S. at a very young age. My husband and I are self-proclaimed nerds of science, nerd pop culture, board games and sci-fi fantasy books.
Q. How long have you been trying to conceive and what issues are you facing?
I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16. I didn’t get my first period until I was 15 and had irregular periods until I was put on birth control after my diagnosis. I was told about the challenges I would face when trying to conceive and lived with that heavy on my heart from such a young age. My husband and I got married in 2007 and waited until 2011 to start trying and it was tough from the start. We have been trying for 4 years now and have not had a single positive result since.
We tried Clomid, Metformin and IUIs for the first two years. We went through 3 different clinics. Our third RE strongly suggested IVF. That attempt failed and my doctor then suggested a procedure called ovarian drilling. He also wanted to confirm his suspicion that I had endometriosis. The surgery confirmed the diagnosis of endometriosis and he also found and removed uterine fibroids. We attempted another IUI after the surgery and a couple more months of Femera before my husband and I decided we needed a break. I have recently started working with an endocrinologist for the last 6 months to try to regulate my cycles and minimize my endometriosis pain with Metformin, diet changes, supplements with no success yet.
Q. Which books, quotes, websites, verses, movies, songs, etc. have been an encouragement to you during your journey?
As a book nerd I escape into the world of various young adult and fantasy books with surreal situations where young characters find themselves struggling with big issues they were not prepared for. These characters don’t take the challenges on because they thought they were strong enough, they do it because they feel they had no choice, and they found strength they didn’t know they had. I relate with them very much. My selections include the Divergent series by Veronica Roth, The Mortal Instruments series and Clockwork series by Cassandra Clare, and my favorite is the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan.
I also attempted and sometimes succeeded in doing a daily Psalm reading. I used a monthly guide that assigns a morning and evening Psalm reading that has you read all of the book of Psalms in one month. I found Psalms comforting because the psalmists go through joy, hope, pain and anger, but still find enough faith and strength to praise God, even in the darkest of times. It amazed me how much strength I found in that.
My wonderful husband has a cute tradition of making me mixed CDs ever since we started dating. He saw that when we were on long drives I’d get lost in my thoughts and get pretty mopey, so he made me a “Peppy CD” with encouraging pop songs by Andy Grammer, Jason Mraz, Sara Bareilles, and others. One of my favorite lyrics comes of a Jason Mraz song called “Hello, You Beautiful Thing” and it says:
“I feel quite foolish sometimes when I pray but my thoughts are all I’ve got so I try to make them brave.”
When I am having a miserable day and I feel like my thoughts keep getting dark and negative that lyric pops into my head and reminds me to turn to God, my light and my redeemer.
Q. Do you and your spouse cope with infertility in the same way or do you handle it differently?
My husband and I are overly rational people and we tend to think things over too much, so he and I both use a bit of escapism to get out of our own heads. I use books and he uses video games. And where I find strength in my faith in God, he finds strength in friendships. Also, I find a release in letting myself cry and talk things over which is why I find therapy a great help. I think the important thing is that we let each other cope in our own way, respecting each other’s moments of crying, or silence or hours of video games.
Q. What made you decide to blog about your journey?
When we started seeing the RE I was overwhelmed with information, statistics and options. I wanted to read what other people in my position were thinking and doing. I started following other people’s blogs and I would get irrationally upset when their experience didn’t relate to mine. I realized that everyone’s infertility journey is different and so I thought I’d add my story to the blogosphere and hope that maybe what I was learning on my journey might help someone else, or at least let them know they are not alone.
Q. How have you taken care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually during your struggles?
I gathered as much information as I could get from research papers and organizations dedicated to PCOS and infertility and made some lifestyle changes. I altered my diet trying to eat as clean and healthy as possible, eliminating processed foods and chemicals as best I could. I took up yoga which is an excellent source of release and mindfulness. But, I am not a “health nut” by any stretch of imagination! I love sweets and fried things and would much prefer to sit in a comfy chair and read for hours than exercise for 30 minutes, so, I also try to do my best to forgive myself. As I have learned from years of dieting, if I eat a bowl of ice cream with all the fixings because I am having a bad day, or if I sleep in instead of doing something active I only make it worse by beating myself up about it. Instead I try to forgive, forget and move on.
My faith is also extremely important to me. The way I have come to understand my faith is that I cannot demand things of God. I am on this Earth to do His will and not my own. I also believe that God loves us so very much and through that love, He has given my life a purpose. When I want to ask God for that child I long for I instead say: “Please grant me peace.” Life is greater than the pretty picture I created for myself 10 years ago when I fell in love with my husband. It’s messy and mysterious and beautiful!
Q. What has been your lowest point and how did you survive it?
My lowest point was after my IVF result came back negative. That same month I was diagnosed with endometriosis and uterine fibroids in addition to the PCOS. Up until then I thought I had some control over my fertility and that I was just not trying hard enough. After the additional diagnosis I felt despair. I lost the last illusion of control that I thought I had and that broke me. My husband kept me going. He asked that we take a break because he was worried about me. He told me that his number #1 priority was me and my wellbeing and until we could both agree on that statement we weren’t going to move forward. My husband’s love was strong enough for the two of us and I am so grateful to God for having him in my life.
Q. Have you been able to find a “silver lining” in your infertility?
I believe that my faith, my marriage, and my relationships been forged and strengthened to a level I never thought possible. I look back on all that I have lived through and survived and I am proud of how it changed me and how it continues to work in my life.
Q. Anything else you’d like to share with my readers?
Faith in God, in love, in your marriage, wherever your greatest faith lies- FAITH is your strongest weapon against the self-doubt, the lack of self-love, the feeling that your sanity and your worth are slipping away from you. All of those feelings are normal, we’ve all experienced them, but they are not real. You are worthy, you are loved, and you are stronger than you could ever imagine!
Many thanks to Oraly for sharing her infertility story with us. Please leave her an encouraging comment to let her know you appreciate her and be sure to check out her blog.
First image courtesy of Pixabay.
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