This is a guest post from Jessica Hiltz. Although we have never met in person, I consider her a true friend. You can read all her previous posts here.
My “baby” hope chest was filled to the brim. I could barely get the cover on. I was so excited to have a baby one day. I had been dreaming of this since I was a little girl. There were items inside that I had collected over the years – things found in second hand stores, on clearance racks or had been given to me by others.
The box was also full of hopes and dreams. My “baby” Pinterest boards were full. I had so many different ideas of how I would announce the news. After waiting so many years, I was going to have a pregnancy announcement that was over the top. There was also an abundance of pins for ideas for gender reveal parties. Pregnancy picture ideas, delivery/birth plans and nursery decoration schemes filled my “baby” hope chest.
Then one day, all those hopes and dreams were shattered. Due to the complications from my endometriosis, I was forced to have a hysterectomy. I was devastated and my “baby” hope chest was a painful reminder of what I had lost. I emptied it, deleted Pinterest boards and got rid of anything that reminded me of my hopes and dreams.
This time of my life was characterized by emptiness and a longing that would never be fulfilled. But as time passed my “baby” hope chest became my “infertility” hope chest. Rather than leave it empty, I began to fill it with special memories that the Lord had given me.
Memories overflow that chest today.
The memory of a baby who is my namesake.
The memory of holding my friend’s premature miracle baby who weighed just over four pounds.
The memory of knowing my friend was pregnant long before anyone else did.
The memory of a friend waiting almost two weeks to do a gender reveal for her husband and children so we could be there with them when she shared the news that she was having a baby girl.
The memory of lying in the hospital right after my hysterectomy being encouraged by a picture of my very pregnant friend and her family and the victory God had given them over infertility.
The memories of ultrasounds – ones that revealed the baby’s gender; the early ultrasound with a heartbeat of a special rainbow baby; an ultrasound that showed a special baby that had gone to be with Jesus.
The memory of driving almost two hours through the night to be with my friend as she delivered her second baby, (probably one of my top five lifetime memories)!!! That memory fills a big part of my hope chest.
As time goes on, God has helped me to realize that He doesn’t leave us without hope. If He takes something away, He will fill that void. He doesn’t always fill it the way we want it to, but He will make sure we aren’t left empty.
If you are struggling with infertility, ask the Lord to fill your “infertility” hope chest. I know some women find certain things difficult, but I believe if you ask the Lord to help you He will use some of those things to be some of the greatest blessings in your life. Yes, there will be pain along the way, but realize that God may be bringing some of those things along in your life to fill your “infertility” hope chest.
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.– Psalm 42:5
Second, ask God to help you see the positive in a situation. It is easy to become bitter and focus on what we don’t have. When we begin to fill that hope chest with things we are thankful for, that spirit of unthankfulness disappears very quickly.
Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.- Psalm 100:4
Third, make a “real” infertility hope chest. Whether it’s a box, with blessings written on slips of paper; or a notebook with lists made in it; write it down. It will help you in the hard times! When you begin to feel sorry for yourself, reading a few of your blessings in your “infertility” hope chest will get you refocused.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. – Lamentations 3:21-26
So today maybe you need to start an “infertility” hope chest. Maybe you need to start writing down some special blessings God has given you in the midst of infertility. When we place our hope in God, He can take our difficult trials and help us to see the blessings in them.
Photo credit: Unsplash. Creative Commons Zero License.
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